“The City” Proves MTV Should Die Already
A few weeks ago, I was more or less forced to watch The Hills. Now, we all know that The Hills is easily millions of people’s (and one man’s) favorite show of all time, a true testament to the power of reality television, a show resolved to allowing the “Salt of this Earth” to put their best feet forward to a world starving for realism, compassion and humility.
*cough ‘bullshit’*
Well, now it has been brought to my wandering attention that The Hills has spawned a reality spin-off called The City.
The City, for those of you that don’t know, is where this:
“California girl who toiled for years for her father’s sweatshop while being fed week old Churro’s and jars of donkey piss, finally escapes the fifth layer of Hell and travels across country in the back of a manure hauler with nothing but a frayed pair of granny panties, a sock filled with bacon and a polka-dotted muu-muu all the way to New York to try her hand in the fashion industry. She got a sweet gig through careerbuilder or something and was relieved when her years of study and reading about fashion under the dim light of a swinging light bulb paid off with this sweet gig.
In New York, she has met other people that have worked equally as hard, if not harder, to get where they are. It’s amazing they are alive, quite frankly, I mean, it can’t be easy wrestling alligators during mating season or being a Venezuelan prostitute for years to earn that kind of money to move to NYC.
Anyway, they all have a place to stay now, some food, jobs…”
…all that shit, but that’s not important. What is important is that the above is a much better story line written by me, a no talent hack (feel free to disagree) that can’t write a strip club commercial, let alone a television show…and which one would YOU want to see?
Now, I could only manage to watch forty-three seconds of episode one of The City before I felt yesterday’s Super Bowl corn dogs and sauerkraut trying to escape, so in 43 seconds, here’s what I gathered. The City has…
An attention whore. Check.
A guy that is a flaming fucking tool and of course he is “a musician” who happens to be the stars love interest. Check.
A flat out, legs spread across the East River whore. Check.
I'd still do her
An anorexic model with the self-esteem of a fat cheerleader who smothers her boyfriend out of fear that he’ll fuck anything that moves when she is gone. Check.
A boyfriend that will fuck anything that moves when his anorexic girlfriend is gone. Check.
And a New York socialite that has no reason to be in existence, really. Check.
If I had $1 million...she might do me
Am I missing anything?
Basically, The City is a show that will continue to pander to the youth of today’s constant need to try and relate with rich do-nothings in order to feel good about their own lives in Fuckyoursister, Missouri…
…much like Soap Operas do the same for Xanax taking, Fupa having, mom jeans wearing idiots from the suburbs of Milwaukee.
Oh, one question…and this is a pre-emptive strike.
What is the over/under on how long will it be before somebody comes into this blog and comments, “if u h8 this show so much, y did u take the time to rite about it? ur jus jelus n omg i think ur a retard. i love the city, i luv mtv n i think whitney is kewl and jay is sooooo hawt.”
I say five minutes. Any takers?
Die already MTV…die.
Who likes this show and why? And before you tell me to check myself and call me a cock sucker, let it be known that I hated Melrose Place, too, so save your “Generation X vs. Generation Y” bullshit for another day.
Fall Out Boy sucks. That is all.
i gotta see this show
Trust me Rick. You don’t. I just gave to the whole plot to that and every show MTV has produced since 1999.
Boy am I glad that I stopped watching MTV, does anyone remember the last time they played a full music video on that station? I am thinking sometime back in 1991 or 1992.
1989. “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn”. Before Bret Michaels had hair plugs.
if u h8 this show so much, y did u take the time to rite about it? ur jus jelus n omg i think ur a retard. i love the city, i luv mtv n i think whitney is kewl and jay is sooooo hawt.
Sorry I had to.
Ur excusd n i wont hold it aganst u. now i need to go n put evn mor stuf like lays n ribons n stuf on my car rearveew miror. omg ur so kewl.
Translation?
“You’re excused. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go find some more random useless objects that my best friends have given me and I have acquired through sleepovers since I was in the sixth grade and hang it on the rear view mirror of my vehicle, just so I can seem popular and attractive. My goodness, you are a wonderful person.”
I inadvertantly witnessed about 3 minutes of this shit over the weekend. I wanted to rip out my eyes.
That is all.
Well, at least it was longer than my 43 seconds before my innards started to rupture because of it.
I stopped watching MTV when they stopped actually playing music videos. Around the time that The Real World started really.
I hated Melrose Place too. We should totally hang out and like, be BFF!! I less than three you!
Sorry, I am reserving my bff status for Paris Hilton. Just so she can fire me from it for having a dog larger than my penis.
Agreed!
With what? That I am a no talent hack?
Ur vageena steenks.
I have never seen The Hills, and I’m concerned they may repossess my vagina for not having done so.
However, I do have a post on the Real Housewives coming up…
Just like I have a tale of a friend of mine fucking a clown.
sounds hot. Grease paint on dick ?
I think we are missing the point here. You mean MTV is still around, relevant, and they’re still calling it “MTV” as in “Music Television”? That’s really crazy.
More like…Mindless Television. ahahah…sorry, that’s all I could come up with.
I can argue for Generation Y all day, then someone’ll bring up this show…All I can do is apologize in advance to the next generation. Sorry.
My girlfriend watches this disgusting show, which is out of character for her. How can people be so shallow I can literally feel the top of my brain evaporating, even if I catch two seconds of this show.