Five Fetishes I Just Don’t Get.
I once went out with someone who had a robot fetish. We had met online, so I didn’t know he had a robot fetish when we started dating. Apparently “robot fetish” is not one of those things that you put in the headline of your personal ad.
He didn’t look like someone who had a robot fetish. But I didn’t know a thing about robot fetishists, so maybe, like the Body Snatchers, I had been surrounded by them all along and just didn’t know.
Like the nerd that I am, I went online to research what exactly a Having a Robot Fetish entails, but I found a bunch of conflicting information so I went right to the source. I asked him if one day I might wander into his apartment and catch him sans pants on the couch spanking it to Rosie from the Jetsons. We only went on four or five dates, so I never did get to see the Tron Outfit, if you catch my drift.
I was recently reminded of him when I stumbled across the Love Trainer Headset, (which sadly is a hoax!) but it got me thinking about other fetishes that I just don’t understand.
Robots.
Rosie the Robot: She cleans the house wearing a French Maid’s outfit. But she also sounds like she’s been smoking a pack a day since birth.
Sexy robot? Or sexiest robot?
Clown Porn.
There is one truth I hold to be self-evident and it is this: clowns are scary. Sure, porn is sometimes scary, but porn has naked people, and naked people can be good. But when you look into the abyss, and the abyss looks back? It looks something like clown porn. (Link NSFW.)
The horror...the horror...
Balloon Popping.
Straight off the website: Sexy girls popping balloons in all kinds of fun ways. I wonder if PETA has caught wind that these guys are promoting the popping of inflatable animals yet? Between clown porn and balloon fetishists, I think I’m going to stay the hell away from the circus.
Women with Colds.
Back in 1997, I was hit on by a groom-to-be when his bachelor party invaded my local bar. He wanted to make out with one last woman before getting married, and thought I was it. I was just getting over strep throat, and thought he was kind of an asshole. However, I kissed him, because I thought he deserved strep throat for his wedding day.
I wrote about it on my blog a week later, and was soon inundated with fan mail when a Sneeze Fetish Forum (not to be confused with The Sneeze) linked the post.
They probably buy in bulk.
Diapers.
One of my blog readers once admitted that he had a diaper fetish, as in he liked to wear them. While I fully support everyone’s right to be into whatever they’re into (as long as it’s consensual and doesn’t harms another human or animal), one of my goals in life is to stay out of diapers as long as possible. Thankfully, eHow comes to the rescue with a handy article if you’re confronted with Diaper Fetishism. Thanks, eHow!
But what about: Furries? Nah, that’s too easy.
What about you? Weird porn/fetishes you don’t get?
I have a fetish for rail-thin cartoon characters. Judy Jetson’s picture is stuck between my mattress. Betty Rubble was ruined years ago.
So Olive Oyl must be high on your list!
I have an odd fetish for women in swimsuits. Not bikinis, that’s too easy. I mean like, swim-team racing suits. This goes back to my impressionable years on the swim team in junior high school (and later high school) where the boys and girls swim team seasons would overlap for three weeks, and we’d have to share the pool.
There was much flirting and touching.
That’s all I’m going to say about this topic.
So the Summer Olympics = porn?
I worked in a shoe store when I was in school. We had a regular foot-fetish guy come in and offer foot massages to the customers. They thought he worked there and thought it was a great service until the security guards came and dragged him away.
Why didn’t he just get a job there? Although even a paid employee offering me a foot rub? Ew.
I’m ashamed to admit I own a clown porn within my collection. It’s a VHS tape though, that I stole from my brother like 15 years ago when he moved away to college. I had no idea, but I still have it.
*makes copies for all her family*
Since we’re on the subject of fetishes, what fetish do you get? Since you’re a woman, and according to everything I’ve read and heard, since women don’t objectify their sex, they don’t have fetishes. Only men have them. Specifically, I have a foot fetish. Do you get foot fetishes or fetishists? If so, why? What is your motivation? What’s in it for you? Just curious.
When I say “get” I mean “how the hell did this get entwined with getting one’s rocks off?” I get S&M, I get foot fetishes, I get furries, but things like women popping balloons makes no sense to me.
There are plenty of women who have fetishes and who objectify sex, they just may look at it from a different perspective than men do.
Actually, looners (the balloon people) are some of my most favorite fetish calls. It’s awesome to just laugh and blow balloons; it’s very child-like and innocent (compared to the other gazillion fetishes not mentioned here). Come to think of it, the clowns and robots are the only topics I haven’t done a call for. But then, the day is only begun. The main one that scares me (I won’t even accept a call for it) is auto-erotic-asphyxiation, but maybe that’s just because I don’t want a call from a coroner somewhere telling me I was the last person some hanging corpse spoke to.
Yeah, death isn’t hot (unless you’re a necrophiliac.)
was already afraid of clowns- clown porn is just too much. My WTF? on fetishes is the good old golden showers. I just don’t get it.
I never got the scat people. Dookie just is nasty and not sexy. I understand liking where it came from, but not the end product.
Back in college I was on a 3rd date with a guy who found us a cozy nook to make out in at a party. All of a sudden in the middle of it he started asking me if I ever smoked cigarettes, I didn’t.
He started panting and begging me that if he found a cigarette from someone at the party would I PLEASE smoke it for him and blow the smoke in his face. He was literally panting! I don’t know what you call that.
Maybe his mother chain smoked Pall Malls whilst breastfeeding.
While I myself don’t have any odd porn fetishes, I did live with a guy years ago who did. Ever since living with him, I can’t stop referencing “Gay Russian Submarine Porn.” Just saying it makes me smile.
I’m fairly sheltered, the weirdest I can come up with are the objectum sexuals, like the woman that married the Berlin Wall. I don’t know any in person, objectumsexuals or anything else out of the ordinary (but nobody really has had reason to tell me either, I suppose)
How do you bring up that you have such a fetish to a date? Too soon, you scare people off. Too late, they feel betrayed.
As if I needed one more reason to stay away from clowns…
I had a friend who used to say, “Think of the craziest, weirdest, most depraved and fucked up shit you can think and I bet you can find at least 5 websites dedicated to it.” Takes all types to fill the freeways, I suppose.
Re: Balloons, I saw an interview with one of the producers of the videos one time and her response to why people liked it was halfway between
1. I have no idea, I just make the stuff and they send me money for the videos.
2. It’s probably some sort of weird sublimation of orgasm in that it’s tension, tension, tension (balloon blowing up) to release (explosion). It might be instructive to talk to one of the guys who jerks off to balloon stuff to see if this holds: are they trying to synch their orgasm with a balloon bursting….Or not.
I don’t get it either.
Lyle
Well, I’ve got a fetish for people who are irrationally afraid of clowns, and I’ve gotta say, this blog and its comments are awesome!
*wackwackwack*
First off, I’m only here because Guy Kawasaki posted a link and I’m in a curious mood. But, the topic of fetishes is a queer one (no pun).
I have a story for you, and I don’t know the owner of the story. So, the teller shouldn’t get in trouble. But, a guy (according to the story) had an obsession with aging, concerned about what it would be like to be unable to help himself to the bathroom. So, he went out, bought some adult diapers, stored up a gigantic bowell movement, and waited all day for nature to take its eventual course. I forgot how long he sat in it… but the freaky part of the story is that his (allegedly hot) wife was instructed to take care of him in that state: bathe, clean up, move, etc.
Makes me want to eat a giant juicy cheeseburger with extra large fries and a super sized malt to avoid the predicament.
I don’t understand beastiality. I probably didn’t even spell it right. Ugh. Reference the video of the man and horse. Had his drunken friends video tape it. Ripped up his insides so bad that it was fatal. Why do people do things like that? Ranks up there with necrophelia… Not to mention, how did these fetishes get titles? Who thought to try them out in the first place? “Hmmm, I think I’ll put some clown paint on that dead horse and go for it!”….WTF????
the balloon popping is called crush films they also use bug and sometimes young chickens dont ask me how I know this I just do. Dont judge me
Chickens? It is not ok to hurt animals ever. That is wrong?
pooping or peeing fetishes will never make any sense to me. not that i care if people do it, i don’t but i’ll never understand it.
1. Spoogies. What is so sexually exciting about stuffed animals?
2. Scat and/or Golden Showers. That ranks up there with the one weird video with women puking on/in each other and some guy getting juiced from a chick farting in his face. Some things make no sense.
3. Auto-asyphxiation (sp?) most of the guys/gals that get into this take it too far and end up killing grey matter or dying.
4. Beastiality. No pooch on cooch – EVER.
5. Necrophilia. You like a cold unmoving partner, dead fish dates are out there, just use ice cubes (or an ice dong) to set the mood.
Well jeez, I still don’t get foot fetishes. Necrophilia makes sense though, but Melissa, the necrophiliac wouldn’t desire a cold body, they would want a fresh, warm, not-yet-stiff body.
@Melissa, I like your list. I just don’t get the bizarre stuff.
Slackmistress, I think I found your old boyfriend with the robot fetish. He’s the art director for the Vesicare pill commercial. You know the one, it’s got the pipe people robots with the leaky (incontinent) pipes. At one point in the commecial, a robot vagina dialates so we can see inside this poor robot. Wait, do robots get embarrassed? Or do that just say, “Yes, that is my robot chooch”. I ranted about that stupid commercial over on my blog today.
i have neck fetish, i just cant stop kissing and licking those georgous necks!
The whole getting hard by watching some fat chick eat like a slob and trying to be sexy, raises my eyebrow. One would think this would simply remind the dude of how she got fat to begin with.