An open letter to Beyonce: Why You Gotta Hate?
Alright, hold up a minute. I have been holding this in much longer than a hot chili pepper fart on a first date.
And that has been known to be a long time.
I don’t believe that I am alone in my thoughts about this Beyonce chick, especially since I want to get it on with her *ducks the Jay-Z bullet*.
Dear Beyonce’,
What’s up hot stuff? You know, for years I have really thought you were all that and a bag of chips, but knew that I never stood a chance at your lovely ass. Partly because I use the phrase, “all that and a bag of chips” every now and again. I’ve followed your career since you politely asked me to “Say Your Name” as a teenager, and I obliged of course. You asked nicer than that band geek whore from American Pie, that’s for sure.
You’ve made a hell of a career for yourself, Miss Knowles, rich with money, clothes, adoration from clueless fans that try to dance like you despite the fact that their asses are the sizes of Limo Buses. You seem to have it all, girlfriend. So it begs me to ask…
Why all the hate? I mean seriously. Who pissed in your Cheerios recently? For fucks sake, the last few songs that you have written and made hits have been nothing but complete and utter male bashing bullshit. Aren’t you married, happily, to a dude you’ve been with since 2002? What the fack?
Allow me to explain.
First, there was Irreplaceable. You keep yelling at some poor sap that his shit is to the left. So, he rolled around with some tah-ramp in the car you bought him, fine. And you’re pissed. In the process, you managed to get every jaded white trash girl near Flint, Michigan all up in arms in a tattoo infested rage and snapping their fingers.
Why? Because they feel that their d-bag, sideways hat wearin’ baby daddy’s left them for some hot trollop from the suburbs, and they’re irreplaceable? News flash, toots. Nobody is irreplaceable. Especially within your target audience of summertooth convenience store clerks.
If I Were a Boy…you’d be just as big a rat bastard as the dude that continually fucks you over. Don’t lie. You don’t have a cock. We do. Call it like it is, Beyonce. YOU don’t understand…what it’s like to have Testosterone and a swinging dick and a need to fire off a million kids at a time because, well, it twitched, so shut up.
And now Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It). Again, I can go out to club after club in towns across America and hear this song and see every woman with a man, or recently dumped, jumping around, drinking Zima’s and Miller 64’s to this shit. The tipping point was the other day when I saw some woman, nay, a fucking fang-bearing, snaggle toothed, parachute wearing wiffle pig exclaim to her butter faced girlfriend, “That asshole need to be puttin’ a ring on my finger if he wanna keep my ass”…and was dead serious. Do you see the problem here? You are empowering the undesirable to, well, become outlandishly raucous…so raucous that I’m going to start going out on the town with a Tranquilizer Gun and poison tipped darts in case the onslaught of wolly mammals comes directly at me.
Lighten up and write some happy, new material alright? Shit, you’re starting to make Aileen Wuornos look like The Flying Nun.
And for you, miss, unless you start having a better attitude, I believe I will take you up on that offer…
for an upgrade.
See you in my wet dreams!
Regards,
Every white trash male in America whose girlfriends are waaaay fuglier than you are.
Am In the only one that notices Beyonce’s songs all are written like she has been shit on continually? And women eat it up.
Kudos to you, my good sir. Kudos!
Maybe it’s just one of those “I cheated, but to mask my feelings of guilt, I will pretend YOU cheated to justify myself” things. And we all know she has multiple-personality disorders… Sasha Fierce? *COUGHstrippernameCOUGH* Beyonce tries to play good girl with her hubby , then slips out the back door in her tight leather pants and plays the stripper/nastyfreak role under the code name “Sasha Fierce.”
Dude, cut her some slack.
She’s having a mid life crisis brought on my tripping over her own ass-cheeks. I mean, she couldn’t have thought that thing was going to stand up like that forever.
sasha be sooooo fierce
Wait. You mean to tell me all that shit on the radio was written by her?
Goddamn it.
Yeah…she can play the pissed off, strong female all she wants…she has it good. Damn good. I’m not eating it up. In fact…she can go ahead and recognize she’s getting mad radio play for her leotard wearing gyrating, not her socially aware commentary on what women want.
Good for you, Beyonce…now go make Jay-Z a sammy.
Well you already know I can’t stand that put a ring on it song. It’s a load of shit and perpetuates that Christian idealism that women are incomplete without marriage. Screw her and her dumbass ring. How about encourage women to be who they are, be creative, honest, happy, funny, smart, educated and independent, to be with a man for the sole purpose of being with him and not to upgrade yourself. Women have it ingrained all through our lives by society to feel inferior, lacking, some missing fiber. She just adds another 4 karat fiber.
That’s right, baby, four karats! Take notes, Matty
I sit with shame as I hear the radio playing “Single Ladies” in the cubicle next to mine here in Flint. Even the women I work with are a bit tired of it.
Lol, I’ve been wondering the same thing. Especially with the Single Ladies song, seeing as how she is now happily married.
But you have the Irreplaceable song twisted, honey, lol. She’s telling HIM that HE’S not irreplaceable.
“You must not know ’bout me
You must not know ’bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable”
Smooches~~~
Carolina
I was wondering why she is always pissed myself.
Ring The Alarm was the “Alarm” for her angry attitude.
The tipping point was the other day when I saw some woman, nay, a fucking fang-bearing, snaggle toothed, parachute wearing wiffle pig exclaim to her butter faced girlfriend, “That asshole need to be puttin’ a ring on my finger if he wanna keep my ass”…and was dead serious.You’re way with words made me swoon. I am now thoroughly thrilled I haven’t heard Beyonce songs hiding in my happy place of heavy metal.
i just hated every song she ever came out with because she just sings the same phrase over. and over,and over,and over, and over,and over again! and ever one of her songs is like that. its not music. its just a sutupid cunt bitching about things she hasent ever delt with
BEYONCE NEVER REALLY “DID IT” FOR ME. FOR SOME ODD REASON SHE REMINDS ME OF THIS TRANSEXUAL I ONCE MET…OR SERENA AND VENUS WILLIAMS…WHO I THINK ARE ALSO TRANSEXUALS.
Meh, he song writers are just trying to get her back in. Let’s face it, the general public doesn’t like happy songs and cheating manwhore music SELLS!
Which really says something about where our society is heading.
I’m waiting to hear the gigantic toilet flush.
She can pretend to be all big bad bitch in her lyrics, but you know once she walks in the door to jay-z that shit aint gona fly. “Shut up bitch and make me a turkey pot pie!” Let’s remember he got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one!