People do self-evaluation all the time. I wanted to know that for my time on earth have I been a good boyfriend? Sure I could go and ask my old girlfriends but what fun would that be? Instead I decided to check the one source for all things relationship oriented, seventeen.com. Of course they had a quiz, “Is he a good boyfriend?” So I put on the Jonas Brothers, put the Hills on mute, and decided to answer the questions and see if I am truly a good boyfriend or not. Here are the questions and my answers:
1) When you’re having a bad day, your boyfriend:
Listens to you gripe but interrupts with stories about his day.
Tells you to get over it because lately every day is bad for you.
Tells you how wonderful you are and buys you ice cream.
My answer: Where is the fourth option where I just tune out the entire conversation while eating a mandarin orange fruit cup and mentally debating if I would sleep Jamie Lee Curtis? Also I would like to add that answer three leads to years of them “eating their feelings” don’t be an enabler!
2) Your friends like your boyfriend because:
He’s a big flirt and calls them “pretty.”
He knows their names and talks to them when he runs into them.
He’s nice to them (and you!) when you’re all hanging out in a group.
My answer: Really do I even need to answer this? It is option three because of the “group option”. I think you know where I am going with this. Cue the funky baseline, the cheesy dialogue, and fill the kiddie pool with KY. Being the lone guy in a group of female friends is the worst position to be in. You know they don’t want you there because you are making them hold back from their typical conversation of nicknaming every guy they dated and tackling explicitly about your junk. That’s right ladies, I am onto you!
3) You and your guy are studying for chemistry and he says:
(I reject the question on principle girls can’t participate in science. Any that do should be stoned as a witch. Note: Apparently that answer is still only correct in Afghanistan.)
4) Your celeb crush on Robert Pattinson is a little much, but your boy:
Took you to see “Twilight,” and lets you guys about Rob’s good looks and hot accent every now and then.
Gets upset when you mention Rob or any other guy.
Went with you to see “Twilight,” but doesn’t like it when you talk about him otherwise.
My answer: Bwahahahaha… Twilight. Me seeing Twilight, funniest thing I have ever thought about. Actually the correct answer is that we have the “if I ever have a chance to sleep with this celebrity I can and you can’t get mad talk.” My choice? Bea Arthur of course.
5) The meanest thing your guy has ever done to you was:
Have the waiters at your fave restaurant sing Happy Birthday – it was embarrassing.
Yelled at you during an argument, calling you stupid.
Not call you for three days during one of your fights.
My answer: I have never done number one, I have never called a girl stupid but I did attempt to sleep with her best friend while she was in the same apartment, and I have gone weeks without calling on principle alone. Yes, I realize I am a massive asshole and should die alone.
6) It’s your big gymnastics meet and you’re really nervous. Your boyfriend:
(Wait… my girlfriend in this hypothetical situation does gymnastics? Please strike everything from the record. Unless she is super underdeveloped and hasn’t gotten her period yet because he parents treat her like veal.)
7) What is the best quality about your boyfriend?
His good looks and sense of humor.
His caring attitude and how he always knows what to say.
His social connections
Answer: I think you can all tell by the humility, grace, and tenderness that I have shown throughout this combined with what God has given me… I have none of the three. Damn.
Results: I don’t want to look, I am afraid this is going to put me into a shame spiral where I will have to eat all my feeling or visit strip clubs for a week straight. No guts, no glory…
Apparently I am a bad boyfriend. There is a long synopsis written in italics that I am too lazy to transcribe.
How accurate are the quizzes in any female magazine? 5%, 25%, 100%?