Five Movies I Don’t Want to See on my Tivo.
The other day I was scrolling through the “to-do” list on our Tivo to make sure that the LOST premiere would be recorded when I came across the following movie title, scheduled to record the next morning:
How to Murder Your Wife.
Will and I have an open relationship. Not meaning that we bone other people, but we’re pretty communicative about our thoughts and our feelings and all that sappy bullshit that you hear on Oprah (if I watched Oprah.)We’ve only been married nineteen months, so I’m sure this will eventually harden into a crust of resentment and rage.
Give us time.
But this got me to thinking about other things I don’t want to see showing up on my Tivo:
Reversal of Fortune
Jeremy Irons gets an Oscar for being a possible-wife-murderer. This is not a good precedent for those of the wifely persuasion.
I could fall into a persistent vegetative state by staring at Jeremy Irons’ forehead.
The Lizzie McGuire Movie.
During my tenure on Lizzie McGuire, I discovered that the late-night airings were almost always our highest-rated shows. I don’t like to think about that too much.
Dirty Dancing, set for “Save Until I Delete.”
One could make an argument for a Swayze revival – now that we know he’s suffering from pancreatic cancer, he’s suddenly everyone’s new best friend (Christopher Reeve flashbacks, anyone?) and not the guy who did “Father Hood.”
Can I call you Baby? That’s what my father calls me!
Beaches.
Spoiler alert: she dies in the end. Girls in high school were obsessed with this movie. Watching the first few scenes made me wish I had been diagnosed with a terminal illness just to escape watching it.
Top Gun, cued up to the beach volleyball scene.
I don’t want my husband asking me to be his Wingman, I want him to have sex with someone who has breasts. And I’m not talking about Goose.
Maybe killing Hitler wasn’t the only thing Tom Cruise dreamed of as a little boy?
Anything you’d be freaked out to see on your significant other’s Tivo?
Only partially related but I just wanted to point out that when my mom bought Beaches, my brother freaked out because he thought it was “Biatches” which admittedly would have made a far better movie.
But you still have to watch both with a box of kleenex.
Ahh, “How To Murder Your Wife” is a great film. Of course, I love Jack Lemmon. Very funny film with Terry Thomas as his butler.
Movies I’d prefer not to see on my wife’s TiVo:
“She-Wolves of the SS”
“Unfaithful”
“Monster”
“The Adventures of Pluto Nash”
1. Blue Velvet. It has to be the hands down worst movie of all time despite excellent acting by Dennis Hopper. At least I hope it was acting…
2. The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, Her Lover. Somehow I don’t think being served your boy-toy as a main entree is really all that cool.
3. Eyes Wide Shut. It also sucked massively and I suspect killed Stanley Kubrick. If he had lived longer I am sure it would never have released. I suspect TC had something to do with it all, that couch jumping butt-monkey.
No woman will ever get Maverick and Goose…*tear*
I think I need a secret TiVo to keep movies like this.
How can you not want Top Gun??
Cued up to the beach volleyball scene?
1. Anything with Bette Midler, Barbara Streisand, Judy Garland or Liza Minelli. There’s nothing wrong with gay and fabulous, but I don’t want my husband to be either.
2. GILF porn.
3. Midget porn, especially midget clown porn.
4. The View, Oprah, or Dr. Phil.
Note: I’d rather he have #2 and #3 combined (GILF clown midgets?) than #4!
What about midget clowns impersonating Oprah and Dr. Phil while they watch The View?
I just created a niche, I’m going to be fucking rich!
Beaches is LAME. Top Gun is the best. Sry.
when my boyfriend did have tivo i was shocked and amazed at how much family guy and the simpons he had saved on it. not that i dislike either show, but they’re both on multiple times a day on multiple stations. why on earth did he need to save it?
There’s a bit from our Saturday night show regarding this and a certain Paul F. Tompkins.
Those who are fortunate to work in the industry should count their blessings that their work has been immortalized for future viewers/critics. Yes, I’ve worked on some ‘questionable’ films and videos – but I’m grateful for those opportunities and for the work. At least my life long education in theatre and film has not gone for rot – completely! Anyways…everyone has got an opinion on bad films, horrible films, etcetera….I’m just honestly humbled to have been part of the few films, TV stuff and industrials as well as other shoots to have worked on. I’d gladly and most heartily work for FREE for some specific folks just to be in ‘that circle’ and have that influence bestowed upon me!
Alas…I still await and submit my resume when applicable yet keep busy slinging hair and doing makeups in and out of the salon for events, weddings and other occasions….
What would I be freaked out to see on my significant others TiVo?
Well, first I’d have to get over my amazement at the fact that I actually HAVE a significant other.
After that, I gotta say anything Harry Potter related. Instant dump.
Yea…I just found out a couple days ago my new girlfriend was obsessed with Twilight. I let her know the next day that it wasn’t her, it was me.
I love that saying, “It isn’t you, it’s me”. It’s so easy and such a lie.
i dont think i could ever use that line and not laugh.
Some of those movies would make a grown mans nads revert back into his body.
Television is evil enough, and I say that as someone who’s worked on a half dozen TV shows. I deliberately don’t have one as I would be compelled to watch too much crap if I weren’t constrained to my usual late-night options.
one time i broke up with a guy because we went to watch a movie at his house and i upened up the the dvd player and there was the special edition of dirty dancing. and then i just realized he was a pussy and that was that.
i’m with you on all counts of suckage.
If I saw anything other than CSI, Bones, or eleventybillion episodes of GhostHunters on my spouse’s DVR…I’d be impressed that she was branching out.
Jeremy Irons is a poor mans Liam Neeson. He needs to go away