Get with the program already
Hey!
A few of you youngsters out there are unfamiliar with the term “rabbit ears”. A lot of you are clueless of the term “turn the dial”.
Then again, a lot of you are clueless about life, you douchebags.
I digress.
You see, television technology has jumped leaps and bounds over the past 25+ years. I can remember when cable TV was a novelty, like when only the rich, fuckheaded, tool-boxy neighbors “The Johnson’s” could afford that shit. I was stuck with five channels and an antenna, wondering what it would be like to see a movie un-cut and maybe even a bad word thrown in for good measure.
VCR’s were a big deal too. Record television and movies? Fo’ real? Watch movies, uncut over and over again until the machine ate the tape? That was awesome!
Over time, those things came and went, upgraded and improved. Obviously, as you can tell by my assholish behavior and seedy language, I did eventually get that cable, partaking in many nights of Skinemax After Dark and movies that an 11 year old has no business watching (Revenge of the Nerds, Deliverance, Anything with Eddie Murphy), but I did, and I am now an angel to prove it.
We’ve moved onto TiVo, Satellite Television, DVD players, Digital Recording devices, Digital Cable, Plasma Screen TV’s, Flat Screens, YouTube, Webcasts, so on and so forth. And in reality I have tried to keep up with the technology as best I could, without being such a dick hole that I have to have the latest thing all the time, like you credit rich assholes that HAVE to have all the latest to show off to your buddies that hate you until football season, and compensate for that “Lack of Weiner Girth Syndrome” that you have.
With all of that palaver being said, I have seen, for the 1,902nd time, that commercial stating that after February 17th, if you still use an antenna to receive television, you’ll need some kind of converter box to watch TV as everything is going digital.
Great advice.
I’ll take it a step further.
If you still receive your TV solely by antenna, that means that you still have to turn the dial to change channels, in which my polite advice is to GET WITH THE 21ST CENTURY, YOU HORSE AND BUGGY DRIVING RETARDS! Good Lord! We’re a month away! Buy a new television and get with the program called Cable TV or something! Now, I get that some people might be out in the “Boonies of North Dakota” and they don’t get cable out there, yeah fine sure. But you aren’t still farming with Oxen and Push Plows, are you?
No. And do you know why? They are inefficient antiques that were state of the art at the turn of the last century, for God’s sake. For the Love of all that is Holy, get a satellite dish, since, well, we do live in a country that has landed a man on the moon (allegedly), landed some piece of shit on Mars (allegedly), has a missile Defense System (allegedly) and put about 100 million floaty thingies in our Earth’s atmosphere to keep us ahead of the times information-wise.
So, do it already, before you end up watching NBC and Kelly Ripa blatther on about nothing like the crack-headed wind-up doll she is while a tornado rips through your Wagon Train, which would not happen had you had the Weather Channel.
Get the picture?
Do any of you actually use an antenna for TV anymore? If you do, ever comsider stealing cable, because, well, you are a loser if you don’t have at least that?
I was just telling my sister-in-law the other day this same thing. Other than older folks who probably have already had someone younger replace their Flintstonesque TV, I can’t imagine who the hell this affects? But no, I’m constantly treated to reminders (with a retarded countdown like it’s Y2K all over again). It’s almost as annoying as the new Geico commercials (a stack of money with eyeballs) or that Sham-Wow guy.
Every Geico commercial is annoying, sir. Cavemen, Gecko (not Gordon, although a reprisal of him with the actual Gecko would be sa-weet)…all of them. I imagine Fern and Cletus Summertooth out in rural Kansas that still use a 1954 Magnavox will be affected, but the rest of us should have no issue.
For the record, here is the best commercial ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJJL5dxgVaM
I couldn’t agree more on the Geico commercials except for the series of commercials they did which were like fake commercials that would end with “I saved a lot of money by switching to Geico.” Those were funny at the onset, but like an SNL skit going on too long, lost the funny real quick.
The Sham-Wow guy is pimping some sort of hand chopper thing. What I love about that commercial (in a grade school humor sort of way) is he is chopping up nuts of some sort and without breaking stride he tells the viewer, “You’re gonna love my nuts.” Indeed.
But I don’t care what you say, that guy just looks strange. At least he isn’t Billy Mays, I suppose.
Please never speak poorly of the Sham-Wow guy ever again… Greatest. Commercial. Ever.
The Sham-wow guy has started promoting a new producted. Its some sort of hand held chopping device.
I remember having a rabbit ear, dial turn, 5 channel tv when I was a kid. I also remember sitting about 5 inches away from the screen so that I could reach the knob to turn the channel with the smallest amount of effort. It probably explains why I have to wear glasses and my eventual brain cancer.
That dude was heartbroken when the Sopranos finished, since the only other gig he could play is some flunky mob douche.
Look! Eddie Murphy…back when he was funny!
Eddie Murphy when he was funny, Michael Jackson when he was black…ah, the good old days.
I do feel like a dinosaur for remembering when my parents got our first color tv and then our first tv with a wireless remote.
I’ve started a fund for the Summertooth’s. Since the economy has tanked their hog farm/brothel has taken a big hit and they traded their digital receiver voucher for some meth. You can donate thru Paypal.
I havent paid for cable for about the last 6 years, all thanks to a tree that makes my stolen hooked connection invisible!
Dude, you are so busted.
[raises cherrypicker basket and fires up chainsaw]
Talking about the Sham wow guy and his new commercial for the Slap Chop: I about died laughing when he says, ” you’re going to like my nuts!” Go google the commercial. You know you wanna. LOL
crap. Always a day late and a dollar short….
I remember being excited at being given the honor of using the box to turn the antenna on my parents’ system. But then, I was also the remote control. Keeping true to the character I was raised with, I did away with cable 14 years ago, any show worth watching is on the ‘net. Bit torrents rock, ’specially when you can pug the computer into the widescreen HDTV. Why pay when it is free?
In my house growing up I was the remote…it was Taylor change the channel, Taylor move the ears to the left. I was so happy when we got a tv with a remote and a satellite dish (although we were stealing the signals on that.. LOL)…
Actually, cable TV started as a service for those people way out in the boonies who were too far to pick up a network station with a standard TV aerial. A company would put up one huge antenna and would then feed the signal by wire to each house in the town. That’s where the CATV setting on your old TV came from, Community Access TeleVision. Current TV’s have the same setting; it’s just labeled as something else.
At one point, I didn’t have a TV, I just hooked up my cable to a projector and a sound system. Instant 92 in TV…..