Attack of the Interweb Geeks
A couple of days ago I posted a blog about 10 really ugly game consoles. Admittedly, it probably wasn’t my best work: I was short on time and thus the commentary wasn’t really all that funny. But, it inexplicably blew up on Digg and was linked to from a major gaming site, leading to some major traffic. And what I learned from the hundreds of comments the blog received on this and other sites is this: technology junkies sho do take this shit seriously.
All I could do was laugh as I was repeatedly tut tutted, pooh poohed, and in some cases anally raped by these bespectacled Geek Squad employees. The following are some of my favorite comments, along with my response.
“Vectrex rocked. Epic idiocy to put it on this list.”
There must have been 100 comments about how I was an idiot for putting the Vectrex on here, it was awesome, blah blah blah. Fair enough folks, I guess I was wrong, I guess this:
is not only a great looking console, but was great gameplay for 1982, the same year that consoles like Atari were out. My bad.
“LOL at calling the Odyssey 2 an Atari ripoff. The original Odyssey was the very first consumer video game console, and Atari are the ones who ripped off that. Yet you attack the Odyssey 2 for being an Atari ripoff. Hardly fair.”
I got a lot of similar comments to this one as well. And while yes, it’s true, the Odyssey 2 came first, anyone who owned one in the 80s (especially those of us like me and Bobby, whose parents bought them at a yard sale long after their glory days were over) know that pretty much all of their later games were Atari or arcade ripoffs. They couldn’t afford a licensing deal, so you ended up playing fucking KC Munchkin instead of Pac Man. I mean look at this embarrassing little shit:
No 5th grade kid in the 80s wanted to say to their friends: “hey, wanna come over and play KC Munchkin?” You were liable to get a swift kick to the taint.
“terribly unfunny article.”
Concise, to the point, and 100% accurate. Kudos mate.
“‘The Studio II veritably SCREAMS fun and excitement. Is it just me, or does it look more like something you’d plug one of those old-fashioned hair dryers into (the kind you wore on your head) then something you’d use to play Pong?’
Why “veritably”? “Then” is incorrect. It should be “than.” The word order is clunky and the sentence could be more evocative.”
Do you think this person has any fun, like ever? I mean imagine you are trapped in the type of OCD perfectionist hell that forces you to correct minor grammatical errors and question the word choices on a little wisp of a blog that is about ugly computer consoles. Are you imagining it? OK, now take the gun out of your mouth and forget you ever tried to walk in this poor bag of douche’s shoes.
“Not only are they wrong about the Vectrex, but they used the phrase “epic fail” to describe it. I swear, I am sick and damn tired of people saying “epic fail.” Please, let that die already!”
You know what, this guy is totally right. The phrase is played out and that was lazy writing on my part. Consider it retired.
“What HAVE you done in these times that’d be *that* much more beautiful, smartass? Please, fukofandiemoron!”
Heard of a little thing called the Polio vaccine asshole? Huh? How about space flight? Oreo cookies? Tanning beds? Scientology? All me pricko. FACE
“You should probably give up blogging, dude.”
Point taken. But then how would I pay for my 3 mansions and my fleet of yachts?
annnnnnd, drumroll please…..
“Seems like this post was written by a spoiled prima donna whining bitch. Back when most of these systems came out, they looked good. They fit the trends of the days; in this case, the 70’s and early 80’s. Instead of appreciating what some of these systems did for the industry (if anything), you decide to whine and complain about the least important thing about a console: how it looks. They were designed to fit the designs and trends at the time. Browns and yellows were popular for decor back in the 70’s/early 80’s. While you may think the 360 and PS3 look good today, in 15 or 20 years you’ll be bitching about those too. “Oh, they’re too big. What kind of crap technology did they have to make them so huge. The PS3 looks like a black George Foreman grill”. Fuck off, you dummy. Stop wasting people’s time with stupid posts by knocking what was technologically advanced and affordable at the time they were released, you spoiled cunt.”
You’re not going to believe this, but using advanced Internet tracking tools, I actually obtained a photo of this pleasant young man:
OK, so maybe that’s just how I picture him, and all of these other kooky commentors. Is it wrong that when I picture them in my head, I get just a little hard?
The ratio of how many times I’ve gotten laid, to how many times these commenters have sealed the deal is making me feel like a whore.
I guess making love to a rolled up copy of GamePro Magazine is all the action some people need.
Your Princess is in another castle, guys…dream BIG!
Is humping a GamePro better or worse than Beckett’s Baseball Card Monthly?
And their princess is not in just any castle, she is in the “Shitbag Castle”, which is off, off, off the Las Vegas strip. For $25 of course.
Do I take a right or a left off the strip?
hey, don’t knock banging a magazine until you’ve tried it honey
Does anyone remember that company that used to produce rip-off games for original 8-bit nintendo? Their cartridges were always black and more organic looking than their conterparts. They had two grips, as opposed to the one grip on official cartridges.
I had their version of Tetris and Gauntlet.
I’m just glad no nerdling decided to get offended at my dissing the original Odyssey. But then I used to play D&D on the first computers when it ran with ASCii style graphics like MUSH/MUDs. Some folks just over romanticized their first stand-alone, home console of Frogger way too seriously.
i was always so excited when d and d games came out on the old consoles, or even for the PC, only to be inevitably dissapointed with how bad they were
When Nerds Attack…sounds like a new tv show.
why do people take things so serious. I mean what u said about the past electronics, computers, whatever..i read the blog but dont remember exactly word for word…if they dont like what you need to say, maybe they should not read your blogs…to the haters…i say FUCK YOU
Something to remember when a bunch of nerds dump on your post. They will probably never see traffic like that to their own blogs, are insanely jealous as a result, so they take it out on you.
I thought that post was funny, but then again, I also couldn’t give a shit about gaming, and think gamers should get out in the sunshine once in a while.
true, all true
It’s ok, u pwn n00bs.
Brilliant. I have to say all the nerd rage was humorous to read, though. I just had a mental picture of this geeks beating you with their tiny fists and squealing in high pitched, nasal voices: “I will crush with a Vulcan death grip and then using my latent Jedi Powers to fling you into the Sarlacc pit. I am Darth Dexterous, hahah!” (That last bit with hands firmly on hips.) Then, nerd rage vented, they go on and tug one out to their homemade “Tomb Raider” porn animation. That last bit I didn’t actually imagine. That was me last night. Zoinks!
yeah, if part of the fun of reading a blog is to see the funny comments, then that post was a home-frickin-run baby
Normally, it isn’t. I personally found it to be entertaining, a short trip down the memory lane. But in this case, the reaction was so strong and (for myself) unexpected. I honestly was amused by the violent reaction.
In the blogworld of Pointless Banter I have learned that nothing is quite so important in life as vehemently defending your hobby or personal preference against anyone who doesn’t share your particular passion. Carefully making sure to insult the blogger and their grammar usage will surely convey to the other readers your vast knowledge and superiority of the field in question. Citing factual information you just Googled will certainly make others think twice before flaming you back with information they Googled- as your citation is clearly far more accurate than anyone else’s. Humor, while subjective, should ultimately be scoffed at if it is not congruent with your personal taste and must be deemed juvenile and not remotely funny- and anyone who thinks it is funny must be a labled a complete and utter moron. Nevermind that the most action you’ve seen this year is when your neighbors forgot to close the blinds all the way, there are more important matters at hand than real life and actual personal accheivement and satisfaction. The more pressing issue is whether or not a blog was funny or pleasing to you! You absolutely CANNOT let someone’s so-called humorous observation of someone else’s accomplishments (that you happen to hold very near and dear to your heart) go unchallenged, you must defend it with all of your technologically superior little heart. Congratulations guys! You’ve succeeded in whatever it is you’ve tried to accomplish.
well-said my dear!