I am Farmer Ted
Recently, I ran into an old friend of mine from college. I hadn’t seen this woman in well over a decade and out of the blue, while doing my thang, there she was. I stood out there on the cold street with her for about five minutes catching up with her, where she’s been, what she’s done, who she’s slept with, etc, etc. Why we didn’t move indoors instead of freezing our asses off, I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to talk to her that long, really. You know how it is.
It was toward the end of the conversation that intrigued me the most though. It was then that she revealed that whenever I come up in conversation with other mutual friends of ours, that apparently I have earned the nickname “Farmer Ted”, after, of course, the character played by Anthony Michael Hall in the movie Sixteen Candles.
I guess you can say that I was amused. I’d never heard that before.
I pressed her as to why. I mean, surely there must be other obscure 80’s movie characters that I resemble more right? Like Jake Ryan.
Or Ferris Bueller.
Lane Myers?
I’ll even accept Chet Donnelly?
"I didn't think it was a whales dick honey"
Apparently not.
She told me that I just resembled Farmer Ted in every way imaginable, especially when drunk. Quite frankly, I imagine when I am drunk I sound more like Gary Wallace…
“Gimme the keys…Gimme the keys. He doesn’t have his license Lisa…”
So, if I am hearing her correctly, I can surmise that in college I was:
A smartass – (obviously)
A virgin – (uhhh…)
Obnoxious – (check)
Annoying – (yeah, why not)
Leader of the Dipshits – (leader of MANY dipshits)
Somewhat crazy – (still am)
and ultimately…
the guy who laid the hottest girl in school in the back seat of a Rolls Royce – (nope. Backseat of a Dodge Avenger)
Yeah. I see her point, I guess. After all, I was, back then, pretty much all of the above.
I really don’t know why I told you this story. I guess it got me thinking about other people in the same light. I mean, we all resemble some movie characters don’t we? I mean, I’d prefer to be known more as a Dirk Diggler and all…
Which movie character do you think you most resemble? I feel like a retahd even asking this insipid question and this might be the worst post in the history of pointlessbanter.
Oh GOD Jake Ryan. Excuse me, I have to go take my pants off now. It’s pretty much the law that I cannot wear pants when Jake Ryan is mentioned.
But do Jake’s friend say, “Jake. She’s a fucking child.” when you do take your pants off?
No, they say “Hell YES!”
Who doesn’t want to be Diane Court, I ask you!?
Diane Court was the end all be all. Smart, pretty, the way they were sweating in that Ford Tempo leads me to believe that she can fuck like no other too. Good all the way around. So yes, who doesn’t want to be her?
People have said I look like Christina Ricci…more so though in her Wednesday days. She turns me on in Black Snake Moan so it’s all good. Farmer Ted!
You look like Christina Ricci? You do? I don’t see it, frankly. Heh.
*snicker* You were a virgin ….
You have no idea what I went through. All my friends were getting the poonany and my entire life was spent as wingman for them. Sucked ass I tell ya.
Once upon a time in my high school years, the 80’s, I was told I looked like Molly Ringwold. Granted I had done the whole “Sun In” thing to my hair so it was strawberry blonde, but I didn’t/don’t see it. As far as Sixteen Candles, I have bigger boobs than her and in Breakfast Club,well I’ll admit, I do have princess tendencies once in awhile. ONCE, and only once, someone told me I looked similar to Monica Lewinski too. At least then I could be someone who was getting some. LOL! (however, I don’t see that resemblance either)
I was told that I reminded someone of the lead singer for “Smash Mouth”. I promptly punched them in the mouth. Not because I was offended at the comparison, just the association with such a shitty band. “Hey, now, you’re an all-star” indeed.
I can’t believe you didn’t even slip one Long Duk Dong joke in there. You’re slipping Matty.
Jake Ryan now makes furniture. I’d totally hump one of his chairs.
Farmer Ted gave me the creeps. At least she didnt say you were Long Duck Dong. oh, this house so confusing! Sorry I had to.
When Julia Roberts’ movie, Erin Brockovich, came out I got about 10 calls from people telling me that they made a movie about me. I’m not sure if it was the red hair or the attitude……maybe both. Along with my continual use of my tits and ass to get what I wanted. *sigh* But that was all before I started melting like the wicked witch of the west. Now I have a raging case of youth deficiency and life sucks a big green weenie. But it was sure fun while it lasted!
When I used to have weird 80s hair someone said I looked like Hermie the elf from Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer. Good thing hair can be cut.