I would like my Christmas play without the political commentary please
I made it out here to California for a nice little Christmas vacation on a Thursday afternoon. Being the cool Uncle that I am I went to pick my nephew up at school (I think it is a Lutheran school or something) where I was informed that he was going to be in the Christmas pageant as a Shepard that Sunday. Of course I was going to have to go but I was a little annoyed at the idea of having to attend church since I haven’t stepped into a church for a non-wedding related event in over a decade. Thinking about going made me fear that I would burst into flames on the steps or be struck down by a magical lightening bolt from the anus of the little baby Jesus doll used in the manger scene. Thankfully none of that happened and I made it through the play and the service okay but of course I came away with some observations.
1) When did Churches get better multimedia equipment than most schools? When I was growing up as a Catholic kid we went to church and had to sit through a service that included a lot of talking, some singing, and a lot of kneeling. This church had a massive screen with music videos, a power point presentation, and video replay. I guess the word of God doesn’t trump our horribly short attention spans anymore. Furthermore where in the bible does it say, “Help the poor out but only after you dump fifty grand on a massive multimedia system?”
2) If you are male and run a church choir are you automatically repressing your blatant homosexuality? The choir director or the pageant producer or whatever you want to call the guy running the show talked to the congregation before the show started. As soon as he opened his mouth I thought, “This guy totally loves balls bouncing off of his chin.”
I whispered to my mother, “That is pretty progressive that they have a gay choir director here.”
My mom replied telling me that he wasn’t gay and was married with a few children. I guess becoming the choir director at a church to repress your homosexual cravings is the non catholic equivalent to becoming a priest.
3) Screw Michael W. Smith.
That guy apparently records every piece of religious music out there and he has to be making a killing off of licensing that these churches have to pay. I wish I could sing a song over some crappy stock movie footage and sell it to churches.
4) The meaning of Christmas comes laced with political meanings. So this wasn’t your typical standard Christmas pageant, this was a full blown musical about how people have lost the meaning of Christmas. Okay, fine I can get down with that, but the play went on to cover a few other topics such as:
-If you have religious tolerance or respect other religions you technically don’t believe in anything because you don’t have complete faith in one thing. (aka if you don’t believe in Jesus go fuck yourself)
-That the mayor in the play and the town people were in trouble because they wouldn’t let the characters in the play have their pageant in the town square. Basically if you couldn’t display your beliefs for all the town to see everyone else was going to suffer.
Really? Is this something I need shoved down my throat at a kid’s Christmas pageant? Couldn’t we just have the whole Jesus birth story and not the overt political commentary? Before my head exploded I had to focus on something else. The four kindergartners in the first row not singing and picking their noses was more than enough entertainment for me.
I guess in the end I should just be happy that I didn’t spontaneously combust while walking into the church.
How was your Christmas and New Years Eve?
Wow. We have so much in common. I, too, am scared of entering churches for fear of lightning or some other form of firey explosion. I have to say I love the way you covered this story. My head was bobbing up and down the whole time. Um, saying yes to your every statement — not that other thing. lol
I’m not sure when churches became so blatant in their political statements or if they’ve always been and I’m just now noticing. It was nice to hear someone think the way I do about it all.
Thank goodness for the nose pickers, eh?
You lost me at “my head was bobbing up and down…”
you need to fear jesus and church about as much as you should fear a lump of coal in your stocking and Santa’s village in the mall…
well. yeah… that place could get kinda dangerous… but no lightning.
Wow, you got all of this from attending one church play? Damn.
You are surely going to hell now calling the choir director a Rump Ranger…
Oh My Gawd, you had me busting out laugh at your #2.
Yes I sure notice the big changes made within many Churches,
most of which I am in utter disagreement about but then again,
I don’t attend those Churches, though once in a while, I may pop in to see what new.
It’s shocking but true – churches have become the places where children are indoctrinated to develop a politicized belief system that flies in the face of the First amendment rights. Worse still. the parents of these kids are insisting that their religion be taught in public schools from kindergarten to grade 12.
“If you have religious tolerance or respect other religions you technically don’t believe in anything because you don’t have complete faith in one thing. (aka if you don’t believe in Jesus go fuck yourself).”
“That the mayor in the play and the town people were in trouble because they wouldn’t let the characters in the play have their pageant in the town square. Basically if you couldn’t display your beliefs for all the town to see everyone else was going to suffer.”
Your article clearly states the reasons that I refuse to enter churches and witness what goes on in them.
Sounds like a pretty awful experience! What part did your little nephew play? I hope it was the sweet innocent child that was oblivious to what was happening around him part.
~K
Religion and I have been on the outs for over 10 years now. I will never step into a church again not for fear of being struck down but for fear of being beaten by church goers for laughing at what ever is being said because of the pure ridiculousness that is religion.
I feel like the church is going to fall in and God is going to smite me every time I walk into a church. Unfortunately, I had to go into a church Christmas 2007 for my nephews. Worst. Experience. Of. My. Life.
I would much rather sleep in on Sunday.
I spent New Years Eve with my family for the 1st time in 10 years…so it was pretty mild. That is until I started getting texts that said ‘When I’m too drunk to type I’m going to call you’.
Those calls were fun!
Entertaining as your story was, church isn’t bad u will not get struck or burn that’s just your God speaking to u through your guilt coming in haha I believe it gives you hope when all is lost I suppose you guys just have had bad experiences don’t Don’t judge Jesus by what u see in people though ..
I feel zero guilt.
Jesus Church
Jesus is different than church. AKA The catholic church.
Not that i am admitting that Jesus exists.
I hate church. Makes me want to hurt myself.
This is the second time in two posts that balls bouncing off chins have been mentioned. I like it.
OH OH OH I have a funny story.
When I was little I used to be one of those church kids (Lutheran too, funnily enough.). Anyway. 5 years old, first year in the pageant, the older kids were helping us get into our costumes, and I was a lamb. And put the costume on backwards. Which meant the little sausauge shaped lamb tail was in front, making it look like I was a little girl with a penis.
I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over that moment. Sigh.