I’m tryin’ to stick up for you Generation Y, but…
You know, Generation Y’ners, I am trying to stick up for you. After getting lambasted by my counterpart Bobby “I wrote my own wikipedia page” Finstock as having no culture, I was eager to take a stand for you. Sure, a lot of you took offense to what Dr. Finny wrote, whatever, lighten the fuck up. You see that’s the problem with you “text messaging, tight chick jeans wearing, always angry about really stupid shit” generation. Drink some beer, drive your Prius into a parking lot covered in snow and do some fuckin’ bumper sledding and relax already. Sheesh.
In my opinion, you guys have some good things to offer. I mean, you have given me Pete Wentz and his royal doucheyness to make fun of, and that’s cool.
You have given me hope that your generation will finally figure out how to go and fuck oneself scientifically after watching Zac Efron look like he wants to fuck HIMself, kinda like this guy…
and that will cut down on the human population, so kudos for that in advance.
So, therefore I am willing to overlook the fact that you have given us Brillo pad hair having, skinny women’s jeans wearing, breaking up with hot hoors over the telephone in 25 second dudes that have made emasculated males the envy of teens everywhere.
I overlook that because you have also given me the hot chick that runs the counter at my favorite liquor store down the street, who smiles ever so sweetly at me while I pick up my Early Times and Foster’s pints, sweetly enough that I go home and masturbate to that image of her…
I’ve said too much.
But I cannot overlook your lack of knowledge when it comes to music history. There is no fuckin’ respect for the predecessors in the music biz…not from you people anyway, rip off artists. Not when you open your mouths and embarrass yourselves in public and sound so clueless. C’mon, Generation Y’ners. Just because you rock out to Guitar Hero World Tour doesn’t make you a musician and certainly not an expert on all things musical from 1970 forward.
Look. I am an entertainment executive. I know my shit. If you are going to call me or anyone out on any topic of historical musical or film significance, know your shit, don’t be whiny pussies and stomp up and down like a four year old retard when I prove you wrong. Case in point.
In the past three weeks, I have had:
- Four late teen, early 20’s “girls” emphatically insist that Kid Rock wrote “Feel Like Making Love” because it was on his 2003 album. When I told them that it was actually written by Paul Rodgers of Bad Company fame in 1975, they looked at me like I had a cock growing out of my ear and told me, “there’s no way that song was made before. Kid Rock writes all his stuff”. Okay sweet tart. Go fuck your beer bottle.
- A 22 year old male call me out by saying that not only did Rush suck as a group, but that he only liked bands from the States. However, his favorite “old school” band is Oasis. You know…Oasis? That “band from the United States of England”. He insisted they were from California. Strike Two.
- Another 20 year old radio contest winner tell me that she loved the latest Pink Floyd song that was out. When asked which one is that, she replied, “Learning to Fly” and that she “heard it a few times on the radio recently and never heard it before, so it must be new.” Yeah, 1987 new. But she was smokin’ hot, and she was wearing this lace thingy where I could see her tittays, so she got a pass.
Look, I am splitting hairs here. I’m not a fucking know it all either. But I also don’t throw a tantrum when I am told I am wrong, I just simmer inside and call you a cocksucker while drinking sour mash whiskey, you fucking humps.
Generation Y, allow me to appeal to your collective brains. You are saavy, smart, you spend money on stuff I promote so you help pay my bills, thank you. You late teen, early 20 something chicks allow me to get a raging boner without the use of pharmaceuticals…Mazel, all good things. But please. Learn some pop culture history. It’ll be good for you and you can learn not to repeat the same disastrous mistakes us Gen X-ers made. You know, like this asshole…
And loosen up those jeans, guys. Your self sterilizing an entire generation by scrunching your ball sac.
And you young ladies? Call me. I have a ten inch tongue and can breathe through my ears.
Mazel. Good things…
You don’t like Flock of Seagulls hair? Because that’s totally how I wear mine. And I laughed really, really hard at my friend Ryan because we said we’re dressing as Whitesnake for Halloween and then I started singing Here I Go Again and he asked who it was. Durrr.
That hair was fuckin’ awful. He wasn’t the only one either. It is clear to me that we of the 80’s and 90’s were just as bad as these kids today in some respects. But mostly, we are better. Certainly more original.
It was hilarious hair. And I was definitely a child of the 90s, I think. I turned 18 in 2002, so most of the formative years were then. Not that I’m not ashamed of some of the stuff we did, too. Black lipliner, neon clothes, MC Hammer pants, overalls, the abundance of polyester, GIANT bangs, etc. There was a lot of ugly.
You recall mall bangs, hypercolor shirts and Hammer pants? You couldn’t have been older than 6 or 7 when those things were popular (if you turned 18 in 2002).
I guess I recall Disco, though, so fuck me, eh?
I like a lot of bands from way before my time so I make sure I never slip up like this.
But my school is full of them.
I asked this group of irritating boys who think they know rock and roll: ‘D’you like The Smiths ?’,
and one replied: ‘No! The Smiths think they’re Oasis.’
I consider that the height of ignorance.
Also, I know not everyone’s aware of when icons have died, but I’ve heard kids my age go on about how they really want to go see, amongst others, John Lennon, The Beatles (that one really got to me, I’m a big fan), Jimi Hendrix and The Doors.
Sorry, I’ve kind of treated this post as a place to vent out frustration, but us 14-year-olds are always ‘always angry about really stupid shit’.
Well, how nice of you to vent your anger here, Sophie. You could have gone all emo on us and stuck shit in your skin while looking like a raccoon pincushion, but you didn’t and that makes you good in my book.
Where are these retards that want to see Lennon, Hendrix and The Beatles? The Smiths want to be Oasis? Holy Hell. I will send over Heather Mills and her wooden leg to crunch their asses.
Um, unfortunately I’m already in the vicinity of Heather Mills, but please feel free to send her somewhere far, far away.
What makes it worse, is that it’s now a trend to like rock and alternative type music (the older the better). I’m surrounded by people who don’t actually care about the music and just want to look cool. It’s fun asking them questions though, they get really nervous and avoid you in the future.
I must preface my comment by saying that I DO love Fall Out Boy and don’t love Rush…and I’m 32, lol (it’s the lyrics, man, they get me every time. I could give two shits in a chicken bucket what anyone looks like, it’s the WORDS that get me…I know, I suck lmao). BUT, I have to say that I LOVED THIS. I have run into the same thing when trying to explain to younger people that KID ROCK is NOT the american badass you think he is. He just takes “southern rock and mixes it with the hip…hop” and voila, “new” music. I’m scared for future generations…I really am.
OK. First things first. Fall Out Boy sucks ass. No debate. But, who am I to criticize your (lousy) taste in music (it stinks)?
I’m kidding Steph (kind of).
Now I appreciate the sound of Kid Rock. Plus, he is fun as hell to drink and play golf with (Buick Open this year). Who else could pull off wearing overalls with no shirt under it and a hat while barefoot at a prestigious country club? Gotta have some balls to not care what snobby people think.
LOL! It’s totally ok, my husband picks on me ALL of the time for it. He just so happens to be a huge Kid Rock and Rush fan, as well
I was at a party in the 80s (Taylor, MI. I think I was 16) and this idiot walks in dressed in a fur trench coat with an entourage of douche bags and acted like everyone should bow in his presence… Most of us just laughed at him and nobody had any idea who he was or why he thought he was so cool.
Even though I think he has some GREAT songs, I’ve just never been able to like him because I have this memory of what a freakin douche bag he was…
And please, let them self sterilizing an entire generation by scrunching their ball sacks in tight jeans.
Ooops! You’ve probably guessed but it was Rob Ritchie aka Kid Rock.
Sounds like Bob. If I recall, he was just a white kid from off of M-53 playing at some tough ass places in downtown Detroit, which was far from the norm and still is. I have to respect that. At the risk of virtually blowing him, I’d say he’s paid his dues, been made fun of more than most folks, and yet he is filthy stinkin’ rich with hoors all over him at every turn, d-bag or not, he wins.
I’m all for the self sterilization, by the way.
Stop acting like you know him, you butt nut. You played golf with him this summer like I played “just the tip” with Alyssa Milano in the first row at Dodger Stadium this summer.
But I like his stuff, and you’re take was hilarious, sir.
Get a myspace page…asshat.
You nailed Alyssa Milano? Nice work, clown. Yeah right. You probably nailed Al Milano, the sweaty fat butcher from Hoboken that smells of day old chili cheese Fritos and summer sausage. And you liked it.
But I appreciate the compliment. No on the myspace though. I kill enough time as it is.
I don’t like any of that shit, and I stopped watching mtv when Run’s House got stupid
mmm beer bottles
Have you sat on any beer bottles lately? Can I see if so? That might help me get turgid without blue pills too.
Lord, I need therapy.
Not only does Rush not suck, Neal Peart is the greatest drummer of all time.
I might agree with you if it weren’t for one John Bonham. Just my opinion. “Moby Dick” was/is amazing.
I was at a party about 3 or 4 years ago and I wore one of my Zeppelin tshirts and I had a girl walk up to me and ask “Who is Led Zeppelin?” I wanted to smack her right in the face for asking such a stupid question but refrained.
To this day whenever I wear one of my Zeppelin tshirts my friends will ask me that question.
I also can’t stand 22 and 23 year old amateaur drinkers that show up at bars and play Don’t Stop Believing over and over again. So fucking annoying and its not even that good of a Journey song.
Why did you refrain?
You should’ve made up a great story about how they recently went on tour with Hilary Duff and how their recently released album is the hottest thing since Paris and Nicole’s “The Simple Life”. (I’m aware of the time sensitivity of when this happened, hence the old school Disney references).
Then hit her with your cock.
I think I refrained because I was in utter shock, it was that or someone pulled me into a room to do shots from some one’s private liqour stash.
I really couldn’t believe that someone could not know who Led Zeppelin is/was.
Wow Stan you are a self-fellating, egomanical mofo.
While I agree with your musical tastes and disdain for Gen-Y twits, I also see the stupid arrogance that we used to get from the boomer generation about GNR, Nirvana, and Snoop.
If you can remember Disco, you have old balls. So take your ego and check it bitch.
Nice work Fanboy. You tell him, Steve/Dave.
But, in Stan’s defense, he’s had a chronic case of blue balls since the Clinton Administration, so forgive his self-fellating.