I Would Totally Bang Casey Anthony
For the last six months I have done an excellent job avoiding the whole Caylee Anthony child abduction story. Personally the whole child abduction story thing for me was ruined with the Madeleine McCann case. (Worst.Parenting.Ever.) Now I just come to accept that every year there will be a cute white girl abducted or killed that we have to hear about. (Meanwhile if it is a little boy, a minority, or an ugly kid we won’t hear about the case past a local level.)
However since I have been home for Christmas I got dragged into the drama and had to hear about the case. I have come to the conclusion that if I could get over the fact this chick Casey Anthony killed her daughter I would totally tap that ass. Now before you starting condemning me for this let me lay out the argument.
Eh if I am pregnant I am sure I can take care of it.
1) No kid to worry about anymore. When you sleep with single mothers or when you have kids of your own it is hard to view the women as a sex object when you see her dealing with her kids day to day. One minute she is changing a diaper and kissing a boo boo and the next she is supposed to be your naughty nurse, it is hard to clear the first thought with the second. With Casey you wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore.
2) She is bat shit crazy. As we all know crazy girls are better in bed. Sure I might have to worry about her googling things like “neck breaking”, “shovel”, or “household weapons”… You know come to think of it I just might password protect the computer.
If I grind on you maybe I will forget about killing my kid
3)She is kind of hot. I’m a guy to a need more of a reason? She kind of looks like that chick on the Real World that became a cage dancer during the Las Vegas season who was continually upstaged by Trichelle’s drunken antics.
4) She falls into that “she lives in Florida not the cool part but the trashy part” category. There were people that I grew up with that fantasized about living in Florida, which I never understood. The warm weather there is shitty warm weather, there are a ton of old people, and like 80% of the state is beyond redneck. The cool thing about the redneck part is that they are hard drinking, undereducated, and think Jacksonville is an awesome city. This means that you can pretty much talk the people around there into doing anything kind of like using a Jedi mind trick but without the training.
5) She has a tramp stamp.Who doesn’t like tramp stamps?
6) No matter what happens between us I can never be the bad guy in the relationship. When you can end every argument with, “well at least I didn’t kill my kid” you win every time. I could cheat on her with her friends on a weekly basis, steal her car, and get caught peddling naked pictures of her on the internet … none of it would be worse than what she did. I never thought it was possible to have an upper hand forever in a relationship but this seems to be the only way.
So can anyone make this happen?
Your honesty is amazing; I know most guys think that way when it comes to Casey, but it is nice to hear it. That is half the reason the story became big in the first place, cause she is a hot criminal!
Between the hot teachers banging their students in Florida and her I think that state has women that are all kinds of crazy.
You’re a bastard and I should probably hate you. Go for it. I want to be bride’s maid.
You can figure out how to hide the leg irons under her dress.
She is “kind of hot”? I already jacked off twice today to that picture of her wearing the flag.
There were more but always with some annoying shirtless guy
She looks like the kind of gal that would hang out with random shirtless douchebag, which is actually a bigger negative than her whacking her daughter.
Wow. If that last statement didn’t punch my ticket to Hell, I don’t know what will.
The sad thing is I totally agree.
I’m just not sure about your standards anymore Kev.
When did I ever have them?
Barf.
That is all.
HAD YOU NOT USED CASEY’S NAME, I WOULD’VE SWORN YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT ME.
The sad thing is if she is not found guilty, it will probably be the hot factor,which think has served her well in manipulating people.
I’ll second that barf.
Except for the murdering of a child?
She is a totally shitty liar though
test
Think she’d let you handcuff her…or would that be in poor taste?
She would potentially get flashbacks.
this is so stupid why would anyone waste their time writing such crap! I am sorry i even read it. but i wanted to see how stupid it was
It is a humor blog… get over it.
Also Julie… if you don’t have the balls to leave your name when making a comment on my blog please be smart enough not to use your e-mail address that links directly back to your facebook profile…
HA!
Julie who? NOT THIS JULIE. Better clarify there, Kevin.
*swings nuts*
Oops. I just saw in the other blog you called her out with full name.
*teabags you anyway*
Hands down the funniest and most non PC(thankfully)blog post of 2008!
Thank you… and just with a couple of days to spare
You forgot conjugal visits, if she does get sent up to the big house. Although you might have to fight a girl or two because you know that new meat like her is going to get snatched up before she even gets to her cell.
Aren’t they really shitty to child killers in jail… she is probably going to get roughed up pretty bad.
Since all of my jailhouse experience is from watching Oz you are probably right. She may end up like Dahmer and die in a bathroom with a broom handle shoved up her ass.
And really if OZ doesn’t teach you how it is on the inside nothing does.
Everything I learned I did it by watching HBO:
Make a shank and not become – Oz
Deal Drugs & avoid the cops – The Wire
How to be the fattest guy in the room and yet still get the hottest piece of ass – The Sopranos
Run a bar, whorehouse & town all at the same time – Deadwood
There are so many things HBO has to offer on the educational front. I think the executives should be put in charge of No Child Left Behind.
Don’t forget how to market your drugs with cool names… like pandemic.
True or changing the color of the tops so the hoppers think its something different. The Wire was such a great show.
She is also in a state where they aren’t allowed.
WHAT? now that sucks
Yea apparently only 7 states allow it. New York & California are 2 of them so you might be able to get her a transfer.
Totally logical. Who could find fault in that?
I have no idea.
You forgot that Florida is crappy because the only thing that outnumbers the alligators is the child molesters.
On a serious note, I want five minutes alone with her. She needs a beatdown.
I thought you were going to go all antisemitic there for a second. You know because black people don’t like jews.
No. Blacks, Jews, Hispanics, and gays need to ban together to fight the real enemy. You… hetero whitey.
Damn it
You never cease to amaze me. LOL.
I bet she gets special visit priviledges.
I can’t say I haven’t thought “Damn, that baby killing bitch is smokin”. Do you think her dude knew, felt like shit but could not walk away from the kind of girl that fucks you till your ears ring?
I have my money on OJ being involved in all of this. IF not the football player, the crappy citrus drink that America forces us all ot drink. Fucking Orange Juice makes people do evil things.
Especially if you mix vodka with it.
I concur. Tap it.
Is that your professional medical opinion?
This has to be the funniest blog that has happened since this whole thing started! There is also a ton of truth to the everything being said and I am laughing too hard!
Thank you
More guys should be like you and look on the bright side of things!
LMAO
It is my positive and sunny attitude that makes the women go crazy.
Just please don’t knock her up and give her another child to kill!
Good point
Yeah. She might try to use the Duct Tape you or something! Somebody Slap Me!
What I want to know is what the f*ck is Madonna’s sprog doing out clubbing in the first picture?
Sentence the broad to work the rest of her days at the Bunny Ranch….then take all the proceeds ( seems like there a plenty of guys that are dyin to make it with her) and place them in some sort of missing children’s fund. What the hell????? Since she probably won’t get the chair let’s not waste taxpayer money on the broad. Let her generate some cash and use it for something worthwhile. Any arguments???
Does a slut whose own brother most likely fathered her child “excite” you?? I hear-tell that the law enforcement authorities are aware of the fact [via the DNA evidence analyzed by the crime lab] that such is the case. What a CRAZY-@ss family!! So …. While some of you guys out there are jacking off while fantasizing about this murdering skank of her own innocent flesh-and-blood — then you should first consider all of THAT. If you can then STILL get excited by that buck-toothed horseface, then SHAME on you … Ya’ll are all sicker than SHE is!!! (Additionally, Nina [posted above] should add ‘Any/All Disgusted Females’ to her list of people who should ban together!)
Um… you do know this is a HUMOR blog right?
Yeah … It’s a real hoot. Ha. Ha. But on a more serious note, though … I do agree with your ‘Point #4′ … and for the past few years I’ve been curious about how it happened that the state of Florida has literally gone downhill to the degree that it obviously has. The craziest scum of the earth seems to gravitate to it like a white-trash magnet nowadays. Is it low taxes, or what?? [BTW ... The Anthony family is no exception here -- I hear-tell that this bunch of whackos moved there from their original home-state of Ohio. Of which the Buckeye state could not be more PLEASED about, I'm sure!]
(*Note To Anthony Family: After your crazy-@ss daughter is eventually sent up for the rest of her miserable life … and IF you ever decide to then move away to a different state … and IF (Heaven FORBID!) you decide that TEXAS sounds inviting … You skanks would feel very “at home” living in P-A-S-A-D-E-N-A!!)
[On SECOND thought, Anthonys .... On your way over, you will most likely discover that certain areas of LOUISIANA are very much more to your taste. And since it has leaked out that your sicko son apparently enjoys dabbling in the forbidden fruit of incest ... you just might instead consider the state just to the north of there!]
The Anthony family would probably love Pennsylvania, a sister-fucking kind of place also. Father/daughter, sister/brother, it makes no difference here. All are welcome. Oh, and child molesters, too. Pennsylvania loves ‘em.
These might be the guiltiest laughs I’ve had in a long time. Seriously, I felt bad about laughing at “No kid to worry about anymore.”
Nicely done.
gracias
Casey anthony is soooo super hot. And reading all the angry comments from these jealous beeyotches only makes me beat off harder, time and time again. Crazy chicks do give the best sex. I especially love the banana sucking picture. Mmmmm.
Gosh darn I want to pump my meat so royally into casey anthony’s trashy, overly made-up horseface whore mouth. She is such a blazing party animal, I don’t even care is she’s a psycho, my weiner tells me what to do and I just honestly wanna bang her six ways from sunday. Insane chicks are riotous in bed, and prissy drip girls who don’t get that are just boring-sex losers.
well, its good that im not the only guy with that on my mind whenever the news is on
she should still be thrown in jail forever though.
I will make unbeleivable love to this woman. She did not kill the girl.
Just as America falls for the latest fad, so is Ms anthony. She smells like a winner.
The fad thing means: The media in this place called America that once was a proud country, loves people like Casey. They don’t have to report real news that means something to real Americans.
i do agree that the media in the us of a panders to the lowest common denominator. i am amazed infanticide even gets air time! it’s a real idiocracy out there. that’s why i live in a bunker out in the woods with my dog. on this little merry-go-round we all have our paths to walk, choices to make and lessons to learn. maybe next time around caylee can ice casey. who knows? it’s not my path, so i have no opinion. i have no doubt casey was involved in her child’s “disappearance”. that being said, i would still do her. anybody who could pull off something that extreme is a definative hellcat, and probably very, very stoned. i certainly wouldn’t turn my back on her, and if i thought i had pissed her off, i would have to take a “proactive” approach to resolving the issue. i don’t dig watching my back… mostly, i would just keep her chained to the wall of my bunker, you know, for safety reasons… hell, i might even teach her to shoot. with a proven track record like that, she may come in handy when the batfe comes a calling. tootle-loo!
You have a nice flair with words. Who are you really. If you are a MD, what kind?
who am i? i ask myself that same question each day and each day draw a different answer out of the word hoard. self-definition is truly a drag. i am, however no pusher-man for the pharmaceuticals industy…a shameless profession. prescription drugs are just bad. if it don’t grow, it’s a no-go! believe it or not, for the lion’s share of the past decade i have investigated child abuse reports. that is when i have not been cleaning my guns, i mean. i have seen more than my fair share of child fatalities: some homocides, some neglectful accidents and some just tragic intersections of coincidence. i have learned that on earth horror just happens, and that’s not the kind of baggage you need to carry around. that’s for the perpetrators and for the extended kinship associates of the victim. regardless of cause, a child fatality is a terrible burden to lug around, and this will be casey’s burden to bear. i do not envy her… speaking of burden bearing, casey could have come in handy around the compound, after some stretching exercises, of course, hauling ashes, getting rocks of the mountain, etc. that is, after properly folding the flag so as not to soil it. i must say, it makes me swell with pride to see young casey wrapped up like a burrito in the great flag of this nation. i am after all a patriot, you know… but, alas, she will either wither to old age in cage, or more likely take a shank. i would choose the latter for myself. all and all, this is a local issue, for family, friends and local law enforcement which should have never been sensationalized by the media and blown into a national event. there are far more pressing issues that actually effect us all, believe it or not. check out latitude 33 degrees 20′N by longitude 44 degrees 24′E, or perhaps latitude 34 degrees 31′N by longitude 69 degrees 12′E. you see, the news media here distracts us from that which does effect us by catching our attentions with that which does not. knowingly or unknowingly, they are controlled by the “intelligence” community, and are pawns of the worst sort. tractate on that steppenwolf… that being said, casey anthony is hot and i would totally bang her!
you are so totally nasty only a guy would look at it that way!! she is a nasty skank who killed her kid so she could party!!! I know the area she lives in and it is full of redneck ho’s but that is all you can probally get! so have your little demented fantasies because no real woman would sleep with you!!!
Debbie, you might be partially retarded.
Are you aware you are making humor over the death of a little girl. Her last look at anyone was her greedy self-centered, egotistical, bratty mother…someone she SHOULD have felt the SAFEST with? DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN AT ALL?
Not anymore.
I thought your blurb was hillarious!!
The thing is when your crotch starts to itch and burn like hell you will wish you had better taste in women. Trash is only appealing when you think you have no other choice … and Caylee had no choice. Do you want people to hate you?
P.S.
Hell is hot too … you want to hit that?
When this article first showed up on a search, I was pretty steamed. Lucky for me I read it before getting into a self-righteous frenzy. It was pretty good, borderline excellent. Witty, at least, and funny. I am a dyed-in-the-wool $camthony despiser and really wanted to hate this article. I stand corrected, it is funnier than 90% of the crap on cracked.com. I am going to have to look around.
Thom
I’d drag my freshly shaved balls across 10 miles of broken glass and barbed wire just to hear her fart on a walkie-talkie.