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Staples entertains me to no end

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/22/08 @ 8:29 am

I love going into Staples. (Not because I worked there while in college and had a Christmas party threesome.) There isn’t a store on the face of the earth that has as much random bullshit mixed with every day items that you actually need.

The other day I had to go use their fax machine to send a copy of a document when I noticed some of the various products that they had for sale. A massage type device, a Starbucks gift set, and some sort of body wash all were up towards the front of the store on massive displays reminding the person buying file folders to get a crappy gift for the companies secret Santa game. I get the whole reason why they are there, impulse items for the overburdened Christmas shopper but the combinations and random product placement throughout the store cracks me up.

Honestly I think that the people that lay out the stores in the corporate headquarters just get totally stoned and craft ideas. Here is how I think a sample meeting would go:

Steve: Time to layout the store for Christmas again. What combinations do you guys have this year?
Dave: Gummy bears and push pins.
Steve: Totally a natural idea. I can see what you are doing with that.
Jim: KY Jelly and staplers.

Steve: Inspired…. Nothing makes you think of KY more than putting a fastening device into paper.
Dave: A giant tub of pretzels and Elmer’s Glue.
Steve: Good call.
Jim: Post it notes and pencils.
Steve: Are you insane man? That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.
Dave: How about post it notes and rectal thermometers?
Steve: Way to save the day Dave… way to save the day.

Now I am going to head over to Staples to pick up a pack of Bic pens, some pork chops, a new chair, and the new Batman movie.

What is some of the oddest combinations you have seen in a store? What stores make you say things like WTF, LOL, OMG, or other random internet slang?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

19 Responses to “Staples entertains me to no end”

  1. Wal-Mart. Heads up for my entertaining story.

  2. Chris in Canada says:

    Staples in my humble town has two locations; right now the downtown store has bags of breath mints next to daytimers as POS items at all the checkout terminals. Not that it’s worthy of WTF, LOL, OMG but more less Staples is implying everyone at the office is banging each (or hinting their customers will be single for life)

  3. kate says:

    target comes in second place for wtf items.

    • Target is the only discount retailer near where I live… I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing.

      • Tori says:

        Target is the best store ever.

        • gail says:

          Target somehow gets a shit ton of diverted product like professional hair care products that are only supposed to be in salons. Etc, I work for bare escentuals and we have a huge problem with people buying product at unliscened retailers, and then trying to return it to us. And we can’t do anything about it

  4. Tori says:

    Christ I don’t remember the last time I was in a Staples. Mainly because I just steal office supplies from work. I always like that they have racks of chocolate at pet stores. Nothing goes together like chocolate and dogs…

  5. Chris in Canada says:

    I like that peanut butter comment

    slides in, slides out

  6. PsYcHo BiTcH says:

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  7. They always have two pound cans of cashews on sale at Advanced Auto Parts. Its such a hot item they put those little ‘burma-shave’ signs out at the edge of the road to make sure we know we can get windshield wipers and meet all our snacking needs in one convenient location.

    I love Staples. I call the pen aisle in Staples my happy place.

  8. erin says:

    stores that display cotton balls under the sign for “black history month” make me say wtf.

  9. Thomas says:

    I had a threesome at a Staples once as well. Maybe it was an Office Depot. I’ve had so much kinky, orgiastic sex in so many suburban retail centers that I tend to loose track.

  10. JT says:

    It’s funny because it’s true…coming from another Staples employee, although one who did not get a threesome out of the mix…which I’m okay with since I worked in an all male sales office.

  11. Sal Minella says:

    Staples was the home of the 3-for-1 copies until they implemented new payment system. Apparently the honesty method was being abused, but weren’t they using that service as a loss leader to generate traffic !!

    I approached an employee at Office Max last month and handed him a $5 bill while indicating “10 copies”. Dufus was actually going to copy the bill (which is illegal) until I clarified my interest in paying for 10 copies. Forgot about their new system, which generates an invoice from the copy machine after each completed project, which is a good thing since 10 was just an estimate.

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