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Dec
17

It’s Not Like I Named My Kid Adolph Hitler… Oh Wait

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/17/08 @ 6:03 am

In a year with celebrities naming their kids weird names like Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale or Bronx Mowgli Wentz the best names for children are reserved for a Pennsylvania couple.

I am sure by now most of you have heard the story about the Pennsylvania family that was upset because a local supermarket wouldn’t make a cake for a child’s birthday. What was the child’s name you ask? Adolph Hitler Campbell… yup, that is classy.

Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because “no one else in the world would have that name.” He sounded surprised by all the controversy the dispute had generated.

what no mustache?
what no mustache?

All right fine… maybe the guy isn’t racist and is just trying to break a stereotype. I get that… Just trying to be a little different. Let’s check out the names of his other kids.

The Campbells’ other two children also have unusual names: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell turns 2 in a few months and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell will be 1 in April.

What no love for Goebbels? I guess the racist thing is kind of back in play. But Mr. Campbell says he isn’t racist because he had children of mixed race at his son’s birthday party. Plus he is all about raising his children differently.

He said he was raised not to avoid people of other races but not to mix with them socially or romantically. But he said he would try to raise his children differently.
“Say he grows up and hangs out with black people. That’s fine, I don’t really care,” he said. “That’s his choice.”

Okay maybe we are blowing this out of proportion… It isn’t like he has swastikas all over the place.

adolf hitler cake

adolf hitler cake ADOLF CAKE 4.jpg

My favorite part about the story though is his mother’s reaction to all this.

“ShopRite can’t even make a cake for a 3-year-old,” said Deborah Campbell, 25, who is Heath’s wife of three years and the mother of the children. “That’s sad.”

Wait that is the saddest part about this? Are you kidding me? ShopRite’s refusal isn’t even close to the saddest part of this story.

You know what though maybe he is a trailblazer. I can’t wait to welcome my future child into the world Jap Nigger Finstock. He will join his sister Honkey Spic Finstock… Of course I am going to teach my kids to be open minded I am sure they will have a lot of diverse friends with such welcoming names.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

57 Responses to “It’s Not Like I Named My Kid Adolph Hitler… Oh Wait”

  1. Well, I guess my choice of Pol Pot Warren for my next one won’t have quite the splash I thought it would. Maybe I could go for Chink “Yangtzee River Mud” Warren.

    Also, is that not the worst argument ever for “not being racist”? “I had a mixed race child at my son’s birthday party.” I’m sure he has “lots of black friends” too.

    • There was a line from the story I didn’t use but he said something to the effect of “If I was racist I wouldn’t have invited THEM over to the party.”

      Yeah… I mean the guy just liked the name. There were other Nazi paraphernalia in his house as well according to the photo section of the newspaper.

      Nah the guy isn’t racist at all…

  2. PsYcHo BiTcH says:

    YOU ARE GOING TO BURN IN HELL RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

    HOW COMFORTING.

    • How the hell am I burning in hell for this one? I am just pointing out the ridiculous nature of punishing your kids with some of the most hate filled names ever.

      • James says:

        use of the word “nigger” is an automatic one way ticket to hell. How did you not know this?

      • PsYcHo BiTcH says:

        THE ONLY WAY TO BREAK THE CYCLE OF HATE IS TO STOP HATING AND JUDGING. YES THOSE NAMES ARE HATEFUL AND THEY ARE ASSOCIATED WITH BLOOD SHED AND INSANITY BUT, IF WE CONTINUE TO OUTCAST PEOPLE THAT ARE TRYING TO CHANGE THAT WE ARE NO BETTER THAN THOSE THAT HATED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

        • I think you are great but that is the absolute dumbest comment ever.

          How the hell are they trying to change? The guy also sued the supermarket today. And has been living off disability checks for like ever… I think this is just a way to exploit the system by some trailer trash.

          • PsYcHo BiTcH says:

            I DON’T KNOW THE FULL DETAILS OTHER THAN YOUR POST AND QUITE FRANKLY I DON’T REALLY CARE BECAUSE IT DOES NOT AFFECT ME.

            LIVE AND LET LIVE, AND THEN HAVE LOTS OF SEX.

  3. Charlotte says:

    Um yeah… thanks for fixing the link to here… yeah…

  4. James says:

    We need to gang up vigilante style and stomp out some reproductive organs.

    A girl has more than enough shit to deal with while growing up, she doesnt need this kind of crap.

    btw, Im eagerly waiting your blog about Greg White changing his name because of Teen Wolf.

  5. Vince says:

    What I want to know is who goes to fucking ShopRite for a birthday cake? I also found it funny that Walmart had no problem doing it for them.

  6. moooooog35 says:

    You know, if this family was Jewish we’d all be laughing at the irony.

    True story.

  7. Em Em says:

    Geez, why didn’t they just skip naming the kids and paint targets on their backs and foreheads. Poor kids.

  8. Tits McGee says:

    Sieg Heil! Oh wait…

  9. Evil Poptart says:

    I’m filing that story under “what the f*ck were they thinking!”. Id love to peek in on this family in about 10 years….

  10. Brandi Shae says:

    Too damn funny! And fucked up at the same time!

  11. Wait you don’t live in Pennsylvania do you?

    • Gail says:

      Pennsylvania is an odd place to live…..i always spent the summer there and it always felt a bit off from normal places.

  12. I know right… they always check in on those families that have quintuplets on 20/20 and shit years later… this is one I want them to go back to

  13. The laughter only makes it more painful

  14. Philip from Germany says:

    Stupid idiots… They know so few about history that they must have missed that Hitlers first name is written “Adolf” and not “Adolph”. But the Nazis in Germany are also not able to do correct spelling because they are so stupid.

    Ironically in Germany you are not allowed to take such a name for two reasons:
    1) obvious
    2) you are not allowed to take last names as first names ;-)

  15. Arjewtino says:

    I now want to name my kid Evil Poptart.

  16. Katie says:

    At least he won’t get beat up on the playground. Parents will tell their kids not to mess with him cuz the last Hitler started a war and killed millions of people…and he wasn’t even part redneck with ignorant parents.

  17. I spent time in Postdam a few years back… It was a really good time.

  18. Meghan says:

    Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!

    These are the 2 most absurd examples of parenting I have ever seen. I’m kind of furious right now…are they inbred? That’s the only reasoning I am willing to work with here.

    What a couple of assholes…

  19. Thomas says:

    The fact that my parents wanted to name me Ebeneezer Abedlego isn’t nearly so troubling anymore.

  20. Lori says:

    Who puts the kids middle name on a cake anyways? That they were trying to makes it obvious that it was a stunt to get attention. Lame.

  21. Scott says:

    Send these parents to the gas chamber

  22. Selena says:

    You said it! What the fuck is wrong with people and I’d like to add… why is it that people like this can breed and yet there are so many good decent human beings who can’t… it’s fucking sick!

  23. Duct Taped Goat says:

    So, am I the only one who recognized that his tattoo and car graphic are not swastikas? A swastika facing in the opposite direction is a Japanese character called a Mangi or Manji. It’s a symbol representing a) good luck and b) represents temple locations on a map.

    I betcha his AB bro’s are so proud of him…

  24. Branwyn says:

    And people give me crap for the way I spell my kids’ names? Jeez. How about Chink-a-Boo Spook? Or maybe Nigg** Faggot CrackerJack? Sometimes people take originality tooooo far.

  25. Sticky says:

    Disgusting…hilarious…but disgusting..I can see this kid dating a half Jewish half black chick…yeah Hi…I’m…thud…date hits the floor ROFL!

  26. Tori says:

    I’m sorry, I couldn’t get past the mom’s face. Blurgh. And the mullet on that kid. Goddamn. They hate their kids – that’s my only theory.

  27. Woody says:

    Does nobody care that all his Swastikas are backwards?!? Are those pictures flipped? I really hope that guy got permanent tattoos with backwards Swastikas…

  28. larryz says:

    Can you imagine these kids and the torment they will experience growing up? These people (parents) should not be allowed to reproduce and the father with the nazzi tats? Oh class. But my favorite was the trailer trash grandmom comparing Obama’s full name as a nothing is wrong here.
    GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY YOU FILTH!!

  29. I love that line….

    You are racist…

    No I am not I have black friends.

    Ugh. I am going to start drinking now thinking about how fucked up this country is.

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