What is this crap you put in my hair?
Over the years, I have been to my fair share of barbers. My old man, a military sort of guy that grew up in the 50’s and 60’s was a “no fuckin’ around” kind of guy when it comes to getting his hair cut. Break out the scissors, the hedge clippers, the straight razor and the combs “sanitized” in toxic blue/green Kool-Aid, lickety split, in and out in ten minutes tops.
My haircut experiences were more of the same.
I have numerous photos of me as a young boy with haircuts reserved for short bus kids who get gummy bears thrown at them and Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber.
Sure, I didn’t know any better at the time, I’m positive between that and my last name there were more jokes tossed at my expense than plastic boob and Hepatitis C jokes at the roast of Pamela Anderson.
I’ve changed my ways, so you know.
Now that I am what I call a “business professional” (see: pencil pusher/cold caller/flunkie), and I am dealing with the buying public, years ago I needed to upgrade to a hair care professional that did not learn their trade cutting lamb shanks at Beefy’s Meat and Fish Emporium.
Which means that I see a chick.
At a salon.
Yeah, metrosexual…here I come!
Now, like regular hacks, the ladies at “Wallet Rape Day Spa and Salon” are very talkative. They, like most service professionals, engage in conversation to make a person feel relaxed, like there is no dead air. Basically, they don’t shut the fuck up. But I tolerate it because I can’t shut up either, and quite frankly, this place does everything short of opening my fly and fellating me until I toss a $3 Hawaiian Wonder Cooler all over the chair.
Recently, my hair pro, “Tolulu”, started using this shampoo and conditioner prior to chopping my salad called “Nioxin”. I really don’t know shit about Nioxin, other than it smells like mint and makes my head tingle as her hands rub the stuff all over my dome. I asked why it tingles, and she went into a description about how Nioxin cleanses the hair and scalp better and has a way of providing better blood flow to the scalp, I don’t know, I lost track of what she was saying four seconds in. But Nioxin apparently prevents hair loss and stimulates hair growth naturally. Total sales pitch. For all I know, Nioxin is French for “Radioactive Sludge from Bayonne, New Jersey”, but hey, that’s cool by me. I come from a family that makes cue balls look like they have a layer of peach fuzz on them, so preventing hair loss = fuggin good!
This stuff is so nice smelling and quite frankly, I like the tingle (and wonder how it feels on my bells?), that after my mop was trimmed, I bought a bottle, shit my pants at the price, and took it home.
Here is my question. If Nioxin is so great at stimulating hair growth, and I use it in the shower, inevitably, gravity will make the run off from my head drip all over my neck, back, chest, maybe even my fruit bowl. Over the course of a few months/years, is it possible that I may end up looking like this guy?
Because if that is the case, I might want to invest in a case of Prell, because looking like Teen Wolf is not an option.
Anybody ever heard and/or use this stuff? Have I been had, or am I worrying about it like I am a little whiny bitch?
*snort* metrosexual.
I still refuse to wear pink shirts and frost the tips of my hair…so I have some testosterone left, I guess.
“Matt Warren, Matt Warren, Please turn in your cock and balls at the front counter. Thank you.”
I hear ya. I guess I just got tired of looking like I walked into a running weed whacker when I got my hair cut.
Dont be a suckah. There is no shampoo that prevents hair loss. Well, unless it has Rogaine in it.
I thought all men went to the salon for the shampooing experience; tits in your face, waft of perfume and nails on your scalp.
“Am I wrong?” Sorry couldnt resist.
Side note: my buddy claims all hairdressers are easy. Snort! Talk about stereotype. Now Im starting to see why some men think this way.
I guess this stuff is legit. And yes, I’d rather get the shampoo experience from a decent woman complete with tits in the face, nails on the scalp, etc. It is better than getting that same experience from Guido the Hack, with his scent of Pepperoni and Cheese and his callouses.
I’m waiting for the manscaping salons to start up.
I mean…who wants to shave their OWN balls?
Wait..I think I said that wrong.
Shave? Those manscaping places will WAX ones balls. No thanks.
I seem to recall you having some real fun hair instances back in the day. In fact, didn’t you look like Beeker from the Muppets at one point due to a ‘Hair Clipper Malfunction’ and then your football coach said, and I quote, “cut that mop off. You look like an asshole.”?
And don’t lie. You hair care pro is actually named Lou, not Tolulu, and you love his hands all over your head.
As opposed to that Hair Helmet you sport, Guido? Just kidding. Most men use enough product that Redken has them on standing order.
Lou, Tolulu…whatever. Boobs are still in my face.
Nioxin is really good for your hair. It washes your hair better than most shampoos and it does help with the prevention of hair loss. Actually it marketed as a hair loss prevention product.
And dude, yeah, totally metro….
That’s what I’ve read too, Isha. The only thing I mind is the damn price. I need bank financing to buy it.
And like I said, I don’t have the pink shirt yet to be classified as completely Metro.
Wolf man is scary!! Never heard of Nioxin but do ya think it will help my hair grow longer? I’d have to do it in the sink of course, so no run off will get on other parts…..
Hey, What’s that on your ear?… “There’s just something about Matty”
Shave your head. It’s cheaper and easier.
having had my hair dressing license for a few years i have heard of Nioxin. i havent used it, but if you wash your nut hair with it i heard it tingles…
boooo to nut hair
Wash your hair in the sink like every good 1960’s house wife used to do . . . and no fucking kidding that salon shampoo is WAY expensive. I’d shit your pants too if I had to buy it
I used to work in a salon and we sold Nioxin. I can tell you that they cannot even open a bottle around pregnant women and that kind of worries me a bit. I’ve heard that it really works in terms of preventing hair loss and stimulating growth. I wouldn’t put it on your balls… just a bit of friendly advice… I don’t think you have to worry about it dripping from your head and causing you to grow hair in unwanted places. It’s both the scrubbing and the product that do the trick. It’s def. expensive but probably worth it. I don’t know but I’m one that only buys product from salons… maybe I’m brainwashed.