"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."


Want to be famous? Eat something or don’t eat something for a month

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/15/08 @ 9:05 am

I’ve decided that in order to get press coverage for this blog and to obtain my 15 minutes of fame I am going to only eat Dole Mandarin Orange snack packs for an entire month. (I sure as hell won’t be getting scurvy.) Eating one thing for an entire month is the quickest way to fame in America… well next to participating in a school shooting or crying that  “your kids were abducted” after you tossed them into a river. (The second only works if you are white because nobody cares if your kids were abducted if you are minority. That is just the way it works here.) Since I don’t want to go to prison and I don’t have any kids of my own the eating thing is really my only path to fame.


It worked for Morgan Spurlock the director of “Super Size Me” who now has a show on FX and has obtained funding for other movie projects. Spurlock dared to ask, “What would happen to me if I ate McDonalds for an entire month?” Predictably the result was not good. But then again anyone that is not functionally retarded could have probably told you that. I asked my five year old nephew what would happen and he stated that, “you would poop a lot.” That would have been my answer as well. Sure Spurlock pushed it to a point where his organs were potentially going to shut down but we all knew the results wouldn’t be good.

While I thought Spurlock was kind of a jackass for doing the whole McDonalds experiment he has been surpassed by two teachers from San Diego that have decided to see if they could eat for a dollar a day for an entire month. They aren’t doing it for “any political reasons” but just to see if they can do it. Of course they started a blog to document the whole thing. You know just so their “friends and family” can be stay updated on what they are doing.

Yeah I mean I start blogs for my friends and family to track what I am doing. Also I make sure to put a “sponsor us” button at the end of the post. Because nothing says “just for friends and family” more than a sponsor us button. Perhaps they should sell t-shirts and hoodies just incase their families and friends want to “support” them.


These two teachers are now all over the press giving interviews about the important lessons they learned from subsisting the following diet for 30 days.

Breakfast: Oatmeal
Lunch: Homemade bread with a 1 tablespoon of peanut butter and 1 of jelly
Dinner: Bean and rice burrito

Plus they would also sprinkle in some Tang to make sure they didn’t get scurvy per the request of one of their mothers.

Guess what the lessons were? They felt tired, crabby, unhealthy, weak, and  lost an unhealthy amount of weight. Really? You didn’t feel full of energy, chipper, and ready to take over the world? They weren’t running triathlons fueled by this diet? Thank you for reinforcing what we learned about food consumption in the fourth grade.

Of course the press continues to eat it this up and continues to fuel the stupidity. Since the economy is in the tank they run this story about two employed school teachers living off a dollar a day not out of need but just to see what would happen. They ask them hard hitting questions like, “What couldn’t you afford?” I don’t know… how about everything? The teachers always say something about fresh fruits and vegetables (one or both are vegans). But really what does this prove or show to people? That if you chose to eat on a dollar a day you would have a shitty menu? Or how about, hey if you just lost your job this is what you potentially have to look forward to if you don’t find a job and run out of public assistance! There was no point to what they did yet they are being covered as a legitimate news story.

Whatever happened to just growing a garden and shutting the hell up?

The teachers say that they are planning new experiments in 2009 so they can remain in the public consciousness and show us that if you eat the same thing for the entire month you can be famous.

Time for me to go buy a shit load of fruit cups and if they try to copy me you can bet your ass I am suing them. (Hopefully that will get me on Court Tv at least.)

On a scale of 1-10 what level of douchebag did they reach?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

28 Responses to “Want to be famous? Eat something or don’t eat something for a month”

  1. Marcie says:

    they reached a pretty good level of douchbag.

    the people who only have a dollar a day to eat must be proud lol.

  2. moooooog35 says:

    I’m so doing this, but I choose to eat Heidi Klum.

    It’s my study…I can do what I want.

  3. Vince says:

    Those two are easily a 10 on the douche-o-meter.

    Aren’t these people just performing another form of lent? Because if it actually worked people would have been famous long before these 3 and they could have claimed that they did it for god.

  4. Tits McGee says:

    You and those stupid mandarin oranges.
    Do they make your poo orange?

    douchebag level for the teachers: 0
    They’re teachers so I’m giving them a break, and the way the economy is…eh, we’re all broke anyway.

  5. Meghan says:

    They’re at a solid 8. A ten would only mean they achieved something and I’m not willing to give them that.

    I’ll nominate nothing but water and Mr. Mainway’s Bag O’Glass for their next social experiment.

  6. I want to see (and hear) what happens when I subsist on only Bar-S hot dogs (the really cheap ones) with Wal-Mart brand chili on them for a month. That would cost me about a buck a day and I guarantee that the entertainment value with my digestive tract would be worth a few moments on Letterman.

  7. Brandi Shae says:

    Yummy. Mandarin oranges.

  8. PsYcHo BiTcH says:



  9. Thomas says:

    Oh, that’s what I did wrong.

    I spent a month eating progressively larger inert and un-digestible objects to see how big they would have to be before I couldn’t pass them. I started with pennies and marbles and eventually met my match with a brass apple that my mother had been given back when she was a teacher.

    Nobody put me on TV, unless you count the colonoscopy.

  10. PsYcHo BiTcH says:



  11. Tori says:

    Dude I don’t know, I read their blog and some of it is sort of douchey but I don’t think that they’re that bad. All the money from “sponsors” goes to a food bank, according to them, and if that’s the case, that’s cool. Plus, you can know something is true but not really GET IT until you’ve experienced it. If it makes them more determined to do something good, yay for them.

    I rarely disagree with you but I have to politely do so today.

  12. Jeff says:

    I’d give em a solid 8.5 on the douche-o-meter. 10 being someone who wears multiple shirts with popped collars, like this guy:


  13. Chachi says:

    Thank you for putting the spotlight on two more douche nozzles, that the world obviously does not need. It pisses me off to no extent to see this couple get famous by living on the same budget as a family of 12 chinese people living in the back room of their restaurant. I lived on Captain, Jameson and Kit-Kat bars for a summer and no one gave me a seat on Oprah’s couch, what the shit?

  14. Monkey says:

    Oh wow, chachi… you hit that one on the head.

  15. Robot Monkey says:

    *sigh* It is impossible for me to give what I would figure is an accurate representation of the douche level involved. Is there a median? Some sort of curve? Relation of them to the other douches that populate the world? Is there…eh, I’ve lost interest in this already. What’s Paris Hilton up to?

    Having said that, I suggest for their next experiment living on nothing but those really dangerous blow fish that have to be prepared just a certain way or they are deadly. Now that would be entertaining.

  16. Arjewtino says:

    I seriously think you tap into my brain sometimes and pluck my blog post ideas out of my head.

    I’m going to only eat Matzoh balls for a month. Then I’ll sign my book deal and become famous.

  17. Marcie says:

    so i was reading the new Playboy (don’t judge me) and In it was a guy telling about all the hooters restuaunts he went to.

    He traveled 4700 miles across the country only eating at Hooters….this made him Playboy famous!

  18. RYoung says:

    Fifteen Decembers ago my wife left me and I lived on beans and beer for…well, at least a month. Then the heater in my car broke and I had to run a space heater out to it in the morning to defrost the windows and drive like hell before they froze up again. The front car doors froze shut and I had to climb in through the back seat. I was friendless and alone. Then…SHE CAME HOME! I farted.

  19. Alyssa says:

    I think I’m suffering some intense mental tiredness. I thought you meant they ate dollar bills everyday….Seriously.

  20. kayla says:

    I agree thats its unfair, millions of people do this everyday, everyweek, all their lives, and don’t get a book deal for it. these two teachers from california (go figure) get rich off this shit, and only for ONE MONTH! I’m a vegan myslef (ethical reason, not really health reasons), and I agree it can be done even on a strict diet (and also people with allergies, cuz I used to live off rice soup: water, bulk white rice from the asian market, and kelp), but what really made me mad was they did this just to “see what would happen”. it’s not damn rocket science! this is jus an insult to people who do live like this (I did for about a year and a half me and my husband lived under the poverty line).

  21. kris24morris says:

    I totally agree. It’s an interesting project, but I’d like to see the cash-flow requirements of it. All of this costs much more than say $1 to start the diet; albeit $30.

© 2008 Pointless Banter - All Rights Reserved || Designed: E.Webscapes || Social Media Consulting: Comedy Central Sound