I’ve decided that in order to get press coverage for this blog and to obtain my 15 minutes of fame I am going to only eat Dole Mandarin Orange snack packs for an entire month. (I sure as hell won’t be getting scurvy.) Eating one thing for an entire month is the quickest way to fame in America… well next to participating in a school shooting or crying that “your kids were abducted” after you tossed them into a river. (The second only works if you are white because nobody cares if your kids were abducted if you are minority. That is just the way it works here.) Since I don’t want to go to prison and I don’t have any kids of my own the eating thing is really my only path to fame.
It worked for Morgan Spurlock the director of “Super Size Me” who now has a show on FX and has obtained funding for other movie projects. Spurlock dared to ask, “What would happen to me if I ate McDonalds for an entire month?” Predictably the result was not good. But then again anyone that is not functionally retarded could have probably told you that. I asked my five year old nephew what would happen and he stated that, “you would poop a lot.” That would have been my answer as well. Sure Spurlock pushed it to a point where his organs were potentially going to shut down but we all knew the results wouldn’t be good.
While I thought Spurlock was kind of a jackass for doing the whole McDonalds experiment he has been surpassed by two teachers from San Diego that have decided to see if they could eat for a dollar a day for an entire month. They aren’t doing it for “any political reasons” but just to see if they can do it. Of course they started a blog to document the whole thing. You know just so their “friends and family” can be stay updated on what they are doing.
Yeah I mean I start blogs for my friends and family to track what I am doing. Also I make sure to put a “sponsor us” button at the end of the post. Because nothing says “just for friends and family” more than a sponsor us button. Perhaps they should sell t-shirts and hoodies just incase their families and friends want to “support” them.
These two teachers are now all over the press giving interviews about the important lessons they learned from subsisting the following diet for 30 days.
Lunch: Homemade bread with a 1 tablespoon of peanut butter and 1 of jelly
Dinner: Bean and rice burrito
Plus they would also sprinkle in some Tang to make sure they didn’t get scurvy per the request of one of their mothers.
Guess what the lessons were? They felt tired, crabby, unhealthy, weak, and lost an unhealthy amount of weight. Really? You didn’t feel full of energy, chipper, and ready to take over the world? They weren’t running triathlons fueled by this diet? Thank you for reinforcing what we learned about food consumption in the fourth grade.
Of course the press continues to eat it this up and continues to fuel the stupidity. Since the economy is in the tank they run this story about two employed school teachers living off a dollar a day not out of need but just to see what would happen. They ask them hard hitting questions like, “What couldn’t you afford?” I don’t know… how about everything? The teachers always say something about fresh fruits and vegetables (one or both are vegans). But really what does this prove or show to people? That if you chose to eat on a dollar a day you would have a shitty menu? Or how about, hey if you just lost your job this is what you potentially have to look forward to if you don’t find a job and run out of public assistance! There was no point to what they did yet they are being covered as a legitimate news story.
Whatever happened to just growing a garden and shutting the hell up?
The teachers say that they are planning new experiments in 2009 so they can remain in the public consciousness and show us that if you eat the same thing for the entire month you can be famous.
Time for me to go buy a shit load of fruit cups and if they try to copy me you can bet your ass I am suing them. (Hopefully that will get me on Court Tv at least.)
On a scale of 1-10 what level of douchebag did they reach?