Hey Guy! Fanny packs are laughing at you!
Alright. Can all men out there please let your balls hang a out bit and not continuously prove to me that most of us are neutered? I saw an ad on the interweb this past weekend that proved to me once more that the pussification of American men is near complete. When I first came across the ad, I thought it was a joke.
It was not.
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you all to…
Yes, apparently some douchebag from Maine is selling his invention, the blanket with sleeves. He claims he came across the idea when he was in college or something, probably in his all male dorm playing with himself or trying to figure out his next move in Dungeons and Dragons while his roommate was out doing what normal college males do…trying to get laid…when while feeling “chilled” he cut his sleeping bag and when he went home for Christmas, his mommy made him his very own Slanket.
The worst part is that they are actually marketing this turd to men, as evident by the guy below that looks one passing of an elementary school playground away from full-on pedophilia.
They even go so far as to say that men can bring it to outdoor sporting events, but fall short on mentioning that if you do, you will probably be called a fluffer and beaten with a Tori Amos CD case. Seriously, if you’re a guy and you show up with this fleece muu-muu on you deserve what you get. Even guys with fanny packs are laughing at you.
Anyway. Man up guys. Wear a sweatshirt. Wear a coat. I’ll even go so far as to say be that guy and wear your “ratty, 17 year old, four sizes too small” Varsity Jacket with your “QB” on your shoulder…it will be much better than wearing a blanket.
Leave the blanket to those close to you that have vaginas. Nancy-boy.
Interesting ‘frock’.
If I saw a man wearing this at a football game I would go buy him a apple-tini and some tampax. Good lord!
My point exactly. Like I said, if I were headed outdoors to a football game I’d rather be that guy and wear my varsity jacket. I’d still look like a loser, but not a fruity one.
Don’t be afraid of it. I bet it’s warm. And if you look like a gay monk, someone might come at you with the claim that you deserve a beating. Fair enough. All you have to do is say that you’re completely naked under your blue gown. They’ll quickly leave you alone.
No, I’d still get a beating even if I were naked underneath that thing and deservedly so.
It looks big enough to fit two people. We could rename it the fuckbag. Whatta say, Matty? *wiggles eyebrows*
It’d be more like an oral fuck bag. I mean, two heads cannot fit into that hole. So the other persons head better be bobbing or lapping away.
Is that a threat?!
That’d be one helluva great threat, eh?
Are blankets sold with Nancy-Boy’s included? If so, I can hand those out to all my buddies and we’d have endless entertainment for the holidays. Pin the tail on the Nancy, Nancy toss, Nancy bowling, Nancy battle royals, etc…The ideas are endless.
Which Nancy Boy do you prefer? The one that looks like Jim from The Office? Or the one that looks like a guy that prefers fondling little boys’ junk?
I saw commercials for those and I was initially a little confused as something about it seemed vaguely familiar to me. So I tested a theory in a highly technical, and very complicated scientific experiment- and I think I should seriously consider throwing my hat in the ring for a Nobel Prize for this one- I went and got my big fluffy bathrobe and put it on backwards. I’ll be damned if it wasn’t pretty much the same thing. I know, I’m such a genius I can hardly believe it myself. I haven’t heard back from Mensa on it yet, but oh you just wait, I’m sure they’re just having a committee meeting about how to make an extra special personal invitation just for me.
You got that right. For the record, I might be a little jealous that somebody figured that out and is making a shit load of money and I am stuck here writing about it.
Subquestion: Is certain fame and fortune worth it if your claim to such fame is something so gay that tons of people ridicule you for it?
ask the dumbass that invented crocks
Wow.
That’s hot.
It’d be really hot if you cut out a “sausage hole” in the front through, right, C?
I have a vagina, and I still wouldn’t use one of these.
First of all, I am glad that you don’t have a penis, because over the years we have thrown around what some might call “explicit” wording back and forth.
Second…well I got nothing for second. “Noted” on the slanket.
Hey, butt-nut. You’ve throw “explicit” stuff around all the time to dudes and never batted an eyelash. Quit acting like you wouldn’t want one of these Himalayan Monk robes. You know you’d use one in public just to wax your pole while across the street from a sixth grade class at the Art Museum.
I don’t think that you could use one of these slankets d-bag. The peanut butter you use to have your dog lick your cock and balls might get all over it. Besides, how will that bitch breathe? I mean, the smegma alone will kill her…
Actually, some guy in Maine stole the one you can buy on TV for 10 easy payments of 2000 dollars called the SNUGGIE
yes…thats right…I said … SNUGG—IE
Snuggie? Are you freaking kidding me? And he stole the idea to boot?
I want to beat my own ass just for having seen this monstrosity.
Buy one and you won’t have to beat your own ass.
My parents had something similar, only much paisley-er. It was a sleeping bag that zipped in the front like, halfway up, and then you pulled the top parts over your arms and snapped them in front to make big sleeves. Ahh the 70s.
So basically what I’m saying is this guy stole the idea from his parents’ house.
Demand restitution, damn it! And then make one in paisley. That might be kinda cool.
Thanks for making me me own special link Matt! Couldn’t have got here without it.
So last night my mom thought it would be a good idea if someone invented a hoodie that went down to the floor. Duh. It’s called a hooded robe Mom!
Maybe this will be an acceptable stand in?
Yup… I love watching the infomercial for these. They look like cult members.
I still say it looks like someone who drinks Jonestown Kool-Aid might wear this thing. Seriously, start looking for the Hale-Bopp comet if you see someone wearing one. Just try not to laugh so hard that your hat with the cup holders falls off.
I saw an add for those and they were trying to push them for the whole family, sporting events, concerts and all. Mouse looked at me and said “Those people look stupid”.
Case closed. The child that wants everything on TV thinks it dumb.
GOTTA GO WITH “FUCKBAG!”
IT MADE ME CHUCKLE.
I am sooo gettin’ one of those. I did a few extra favors for Santa, so I know it will be waiting for me on Christmas morning.
And yes, I’ll be wearing it to the game.