Some questions in life aren’t important. Things like “should we bail out the auto industry”? The often asked “is there a God”? Or even “when a girl says no does she really mean no”?
Then there are questions in life that require you to spend half an hour thinking about it, two hours trying to create a simulation in a video game, and another ten minutes writing a half baked blog like “who would in a knife fight: my elderly wheel chair bound landlord or my five-year-old nephew”?
Let’s break this down.
My elderly wheel chair bound landlord
Advantages: A heavy electric powered machine of death that he is strapped to. Also he speaks with a heavy Italian accent combined with what I think is a slur from a stroke making him incomprehensible to understand. These two combined would scare the shit out of most five year olds.
He has years of experience and has a certain toughness bred from being bitched at by his wife at least 4 hours of day. (Which I hear on a daily basis but can’t make out half of what is being said because it floats from English to Italian.)
Disadvantages: He is pretty much crippled and moves awfully slow. If the fight is prolonged the drool from his lower lip could short out the wheelchair leaving him in a prone position. I think he would have trouble holding onto the knife unless we tape it to him then this would fall under the advantage category.
My five-year-old nephew
Advantages: He his quick, smart for his age, and hard to get a hold of. His constant watching of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Star Wars movies have taught him how to wield weapons. I believe his child like innocence could be taken from him once the old man made a run at him with the chair and he could turn into an ultra violent killing machine like one of those kids from “Lord of the Flies”.
Disadvantages: He is still like awkwardly uncoordinated like most kids. Is terrified of the dark so if there is a power outage or the lights go out he is done. Also he has never actually used a sharp knife so he may be easily distracted at his new found responsibility.
Personally I am at a loss… Who do you think would win?