The Match.com Files: Date Number 4
Date- 4- Probably one of the most controversial figures in recent history here on pointless banter
What did I wear: Brown shirt, jeans, black shoes… brown and black do go together with jeans… we don’t need to have that debate in the comments again. (That might be one of the gayest things I have ever written.)
Would I screw me? After a couple of drinks and some dirty talk… possibly
Odds of me getting laid: (0 means me ordering some lame porn off of pay per view and 10 means something involving midgets and a circus seal): 5 (she did have a quote on her profile about Jaeger being an aphrodisiac after all)
Date location: Italian restaurant near my apartment
First impression: She is better looking in person than in her pictures which is usually the opposite so that is a good thing
The date: The date was a good time. We talked shit about the whole match.com experience and shared stories about horrible dates.
I have to say horrible dating experience stories are a good way to go on a first date. As long as they don’t turn into relationship stories, which is the quickest way to ruin a first date. Really is there anything better than ripping on poor socially inept people that you went on a dates with?
Hearing stories with the following lines always make for a good time:
-At first I thought he was gay
-She had a humpback
-Turns out he had been dating someone for like two years and she found me on his Facebook page. we then had a discussion about what went on
-She voted for Bush twice I could no longer take her seriously.
While there we downed two bottles of wine with dinner and went back to my place where we shared stupid things we like on the intertubes. Then we got naked and I donkey punched her. (Ok that isn’t true but it sounds much better than she slept over and nothing happened.)
Results: I used two of her stories on pointlessbanter.net twice, she got into a fight with a handful of people, and we scheduled a second date that we never went on. One time because she was sick and overslept… the second time because she flaked. Not a good sign…
What is your favorite subject to talk about on a first date?
Ugh. I hate Match.com. It’s the worst of the bunch.
Funny you said that you talked about lousy dates. I think that’s such an easy go to topic. Even though it’s played out, it’s still a good thing to discuss because everyone has a story to tell. If I do it, I like to place a bet beforehand on who has the worst story. What you’re betting doesn’t matter. Just makes it more fun.
I like saying stuff like “if you could pack your bags in the morning and go anywhere in the world, where would that be?”, “what’s your dream job?”, “if you could live anywhere”, “On a scale of 1-10 how much do you like ______”, et al. But hey, that’s just me.
So she spent the night, and nothing happened. What kind of a man are you? Now on her next date you’ll be ‘the gay one’. haha.
You’re right. Brown and black do go together with jeans. We don’t need to debate that, even though it is gay.
The problem is that the brown shirt had a collar wider than Queen Latifah’s maxi-pads and it was halfway unbuttoned. Plus you were wearing a cheap gold necklace that accentuated that underbrush you call chest hair.
Now for the love of Christ, send me some of her photos.
Mazel. Good things.
Really? She over slept AND flaked after taking a territorial pissing here? Hmmm.
Bad date stories, or ANY other way to knock social nitwits is always a smooth ride. ‘Oh my god, we both hate the same things…Lets make out.’
I’ve been thinking and maybe I WILL move to NY. Someone has to save you.
Told ya she was a bitch.
*thumbs nose*
I DON’T GET IT.
hahah on first dates.. i always try to say the most outrageous things to see where they’re humor limits are at.. since i have none this is a good thing to know about a person.
Favorite topic on a first date? Hmmm…let me think. How about what she charges per hour?
Sounds like you’re on the “friend ladder”. Not good.
Yeah I agree. The friend zone = bad news
I have been told I look better in person than in pics..Is that a bad thing??
Pubic Hair trends
this has to suck. I think you were into this girl.
Hey, Bobby!
I distinctly remember you telling me that you would only post stuff about a first date, not anything afterwards. You forgot to mention here that I was very sick and took a nap before our second date and happened to oversleep. I had been pretty damn sick for a couple of days, which you knew. When I sincerely apologized to you because I really felt awful about it and asked why you hadn’t call me earlier, you replied, ‘I didn’t know I had to babysit you.’
That statement pretty much sealed the deal with me actually… that’s why no concerted effort has been made on my part to hang out with you again. Have fun in NYC.
P.S. Black shoes and a brown shirt DO NOT go well together no matter what you are wearing for pants. The fact that you thought of that makes you more gay than my first Match date.
I did mention you were sick.
I am not going to fire back… not worth it.
Dude, she’s so nuts…I love it! I’ve said to men ‘Look, I Nanny all day…I don’t want to have to wipe your ass too.’
I just knew if I came back to this post date #4 would be here!
Killer.
Wow, what an incredibly bitter post. I like how she invoked the gay thing. Part of the female playbook? Get back at the guy by either accusing him of a little penis or being gay.
Fortunately I fall into both categories rendering both insults useless.
Time to move on to Date Number #5…
yeah I have to write about that still
Its ok Kevin, Tori will bail you out.