I know that approximately 99.5% of the people that read this blog can probably take or leave sports, especially hockey. (Yes they do play that professionally in North America still.) But this subject was just too good not to talk about. Sean Avery, a world-renowned punk ass bitch, (I think that is the correct terminology) dropped the greatest quote ever yesterday morning.
You see Avery has dated both Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter who both are now linked to other hockey players. Avery decided to call them out on it. He looked for the reporter from TSN (like ESPN for Canadians) and made sure the camera was rolling before dropping this bomb:
“I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.”
He was promptly suspended indefinitely by the NHL and was taken to task by the owner of his team. Are you kidding me? This is the most interesting thing to happen in hockey… well… ever. (And I actually love hockey.)
What is more entertaining than a guy calling out people for sleeping with his ex-girlfriends by referring to them as sloppy seconds? Not only does he stake the claim that he had been there before these other dudes but also he hints that these girls are now skanky. I love it. This is the type of controversy sports need. Who cares about unhappy players upset over their contracts when you can have guys fighting over women that they have hooked up with? Tell me ladies that this wouldn’t make you like 50% more entertained to watch a sporting event if you knew it would the culmination of some sort of love triangle?
I want guys going after each other and talking shit over women that they are or have been sleeping with. Just think if this got applied to Major League Baseball there would be fights every night because Alyssa Milano has fucked half of the league.
When guys are fighting over women everything is more interesting. The peak of hip-hop was when Tupac announced in the song “Hit Em Up” that he banged Biggie Smalls wife. (Of course they both were dead years later but um… that isn’t important.)
Even Rocky III was made watchable because Mr. T was about to break Adriane off some dark meat.
So I beg you NHL, not only should you bring back Sean Avery but you should encourage this behavior it will make the game that much more interesting. It really is for the sake of the league. I can’t wait for someone to tag Jason Pominville’s girlfriend.
Doesn’t guys kicking the crap out of each other over a woman make sports that much more interesting?