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Sean Avery gets suspended but makes hockey 99 times more interesting

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/3/08 @ 11:10 am

I know that approximately 99.5% of the people that read this blog can probably take or leave sports, especially hockey. (Yes they do play that professionally in North America still.) But this subject was just too good not to talk about. Sean Avery, a world-renowned punk ass bitch, (I think that is the correct terminology) dropped the greatest quote ever yesterday morning.

You see Avery has dated both Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter who both are now linked to other hockey players. Avery decided to call them out on it. He looked for the reporter from TSN (like ESPN for Canadians) and made sure the camera was rolling before dropping this bomb:

“I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.”

He was promptly suspended indefinitely by the NHL and was taken to task by the owner of his team. Are you kidding me? This is the most interesting thing to happen in hockey… well… ever. (And I actually love hockey.)

What is more entertaining than a guy calling out people for sleeping with his ex-girlfriends by referring to them as sloppy seconds? Not only does he stake the claim that he had been there before these other dudes but also he hints that these girls are now skanky. I love it. This is the type of controversy sports need. Who cares about unhappy players upset over their contracts when you can have guys fighting over women that they have hooked up with? Tell me ladies that this wouldn’t make you like 50% more entertained to watch a sporting event if you knew it would the culmination of some sort of love triangle?

I want guys going after each other and talking shit over women that they are or have been sleeping with. Just think if this got applied to Major League Baseball there would be fights every night because Alyssa Milano has fucked half of the league.

When guys are fighting over women everything is more interesting. The peak of hip-hop was when Tupac announced in the song “Hit Em Up” that he banged Biggie Smalls wife. (Of course they both were dead years later but um… that isn’t important.)

Even Rocky III was made watchable because Mr. T was about to break Adriane off some dark meat.

So I beg you NHL, not only should you bring back Sean Avery but you should encourage this behavior it will make the game that much more interesting. It really is for the sake of the league. I can’t wait for someone to tag Jason Pominville’s girlfriend.

Doesn’t guys kicking the crap out of each other over a woman make sports that much more interesting?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

12 Responses to “Sean Avery gets suspended but makes hockey 99 times more interesting”

  1. Pinky Sue says:

    Sex makes anything more dramatic. This kind of thing might even make NASCAR (which isn’t even a sport) slightly enjoyable. I am all for it!

  2. Mark says:

    You should see the discussion on Sabresfans.com on this. It is quite entertaining. I have to say though, I do hate Avery a lot and I am glad he got suspended. The guy is a human lightning bolt for trouble with the league offices.

  3. This is a load of crap. How can Sheriff Bettman and his infinite wisdom (see: Detroit Red Wings in the Western Conference) suspend this guy for telling it like it is?

    I may not like Sean Avery, but this was a classic quote that required nothing more from the league than “Meh. Avery being Avery.” and that is it.

  4. Tits McGee says:

    Wow. That’s pretty ridiculous.
    The more open and honest our society gets the more asinine the reaction from others becomes in trying to buffer it all. How silly. He probably was stating what many people have thought for a while now.

  5. Em Em says:

    That’s one of my favorite Rocky scenes ever. Ha. I love Mr. T

  6. PsYcHo BiTcH says:


  7. supernik says:

    okay i would actually watch sports! if i could draw some sort of drama between the players i would totally love it!

  8. C says:

    I’ll support your cause if I can have an hour in the locker room with Iginla and Phaneuf. Please. I’ll do anything.
    YEAH FLAMES!!!!!!!!!

  9. C says:

    p.s. I know I’m not the first person to say this, but I can’t believe I’m getting my news from you now. And I follow hockey religiously. It’s a sad day when I hear news first from Finstock. You just might be as credible as Fox.
    p.p.s. Avery is a douche.
    p.p.p.s. Elisha should ditch Phaneuf and date me. Or Phaneuf should ditch Elisha and date me. Either way I’d be happy.

  10. bethany says:

    Avery was such a punk ass bitch… and I hope he gets FINED heavily for stupidity. He knew exactly what he was doing, and actually, it makes the man look completely like an insecure douchebag.

  11. Jeff says:

    Avery redefines the term “punk-ass bitch,” but ya gotta admit, that was pretty funny.

    I find it humorous that a league that allows what would be assault on the street to happen nightly on its ice would suspend a guy six games for referring to his two exes as “sloppy seconds.” And in the case of Rachel Hunter — dude, he was like “sloppy twentieths.”

  12. Karl Rove says:

    Avery’s a douche. I can’t forgive him for pulling that shit against Marty Brodeur last year.

    But of all the things he’s done, the sloppy seconds remark isn’t even close to the worst. He should have already gotten in trouble before this.

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