"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."


Apparently Withdrawals from Justin Timberlake’s Penis Make Women Insane

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/1/08 @ 10:40 am

submit to reddit I am coming clean right now. I Tivo’d the Britney Spears “documentary” For the Record aka a really long infomercial for her new album. After Sunday Night Football I turned it on and watched it, taking notes the entire way, here is what I learned.

Britney thinks she is smart- In one segment Spears is being interviewed by the documentary crew and proclaims that she is a pretty smart person. Of course this is contrary to this video evidence, this photo evidence, and well pretty much anything from TMZ ever.

I know this whole special is about humanizing her and a chance for her to “tell her story” while selling us her new album but trying to tell me she is an intelligent human being is going a tad too far. It is one extra line of bullshit I really can’t swallow. I mean it would be like me saying I handsome, funny, intelligent, and I have a ten-inch penis… At some point you aren’t going to buy in anymore. (I bet you stopped at handsome.)

Britney breast fed- I don’t have a joke I just wanted to share that fact.

Justin Timberlake has a special penis- I used to think that Kevin Federline had a magic penis but in reality it was always Justin Timberlake. Britney attributes her breakup with him to starting her downward spiral. Apparently when she broke up with Justin she realized her fame and felt really alone. In order to feel better she decided to go out all the time because being on the go made her not think about it. The lesson of course to all the kids out there is that drinking makes you forget.

Then she got hammered in Vegas, married, had it annulled,  met K-Fed, got married, bore is demon seed, divorced, and went crazy. So Justin Timberlake your penis essentially ruined her life I hope you are satisfied with yourself.

Britney used to be fun- In one segment Spears flies to NYC for a day of promotional shit and goes out to a Broadway play. She goes to dinner after the play with a few members of the cast and in the interview that is cut in throughout it she says that she used to live in NYC and used to lead a fun life. Then B-money proclaims that she used to be a cool girl and laments that she no longer is because she doesn’t have a life.

(Note to self: Never get knocked up by Kevin Federline he makes you uncool, not the becoming a parent part just the Kevin Federline part.)

Here is what Ms. Spears wants us to know about her (according to Britney)-

1) She is just like us- Except for the millions of dollars, living out a dream, and being able to never work again if she so chooses. Oh and I can’t forget the utter and complete insanity.

2) She loves what she does- When the hardest work you do is being in a dance studio for short routines for a video I would love my job too.

3) She loves her kids- Except for the entire special she is around them once while traveling all around. Sure I am sure over the 60 days that this special was shot she saw them more than once but it didn’t leave that impression at all.

4) She works really hard- Back to point number 2, Cloris Leachman is like 8,000 years old and she made it through training on Dancing with the Stars…. So calling dance studio work hard just lost a little credibility in my book. Also when they show her in the studio it is always with a producer that is just totally sampling over her stuff and boosting her vocals on pro tools. What is hard about your job again? Oh dealing with the press, guess who brought that on herself?

In the end the special that was supposed to humanize Britney ended up making me dislike her that much more. I don’t want to buy her new album and I walked away believing that Justin Timberlake has a vagina wrecker of a penis.

You are welcome, now you don’t have to watch.

Don’t you hate when celebrities try to humanize themselves thinking you will rush out and buy their shit because you think that they are just like you?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

32 Responses to “Apparently Withdrawals from Justin Timberlake’s Penis Make Women Insane”

  1. Meghan says:

    I’m just like you, except people fetch me things and carry me out of nightclubs with my vagina hanging out. Now buy my album…my overly synthesized voice don’t pay for itself.

    Unfortunately, now I have to watch it.

  2. Thank God. Now I can just TiVo over it with the latest Asia Carerra porn.

  3. PJ says:

    Did you know that JT is worshipped in a few select South American villages? Let’s just recap: Britney, Christina, Janet, Scarlett, Jessica, Cameron, Alyssa, Etc. Yeah. Let’s see that nerd with the goggles and the bird on his head from VH1 do that.

  4. PsYcHo BiTcH says:



  5. Brandi Shae says:

    I watched that horse shit too. She is ridiculous.

  6. Marisa says:

    She’s the same age as one of my sons so I always have this urge to lock her in one of the bedrooms here and mother her back to sanity.

  7. diesel says:

    I am frightened by her weird boobs. If they’re fake, they should look better than that.

  8. Starcasm says:

    I can’t believe you didn’t mention the part where she tells the Broadway people that she can’t leave L.A. because her “baby’s daddy” lives there. It was the very definition of class and sophistication.

    Oh, oh, and the part where she says that everybody shaves their head now and again after a breakup. Yes, Britney, it was perfectly normal behavior. Just like attacking a car with an umbrella and flashin’ your naughty bits every time you go out for a drink.

    • I totally forgot the baby’s daddy line… Like first of all they didn’t know who it is. She could have just said her kids lived there.

      Totally good call on both of those.

  9. Tori says:

    Well, with the exception of me really wanting to see you go in a dance studio for 8 hours…shit, no, an hour would probably do it, I’m with you. I mostly just pity her.

  10. JoeBlow says:

    She clearly has manic depression. She looks like she is borderline in tears even when she is happy. This documentary{mockumentary} sheds no light on anything people don’t already know, or would like to know. Pure Bullshit, and clearly a lame attempt at viral video.

  11. Tits McGee says:

    I’ll admit I skimmed this…okay, I barely read it. I don’t even read the tabloid articles about her anymore. It’s just the same ol shit.
    Just wanted to piss and mark my spot so you’d know I was here.

  12. James says:

    Im disappointed in you Kevin. You have written lame ass shit like this before. The opportunity comes up to write something good and you piss it away.

    Yes, the common belief is that Timberlake ruined Britney. He bailed out at her peak. We all know this. Way to go.

  13. Justin Timberlake has a magic penis? Can it wave about and make me give a shit about Britney???

  14. Stephanie says:

    Yes, Britney Spears is just like me. I also use my infant’s soft spot as an ashtray….
    Well, if I had an infant I would…
    Not really, it was just on Family Guy.

  15. Jen says:

    I Tivo’d this thing too and I don’t even have a super cool
    blog; I just had to see the pity party for myself. Paparazzi are really annoying but that is not a reason for her to act like a complete lunatic. She didn’t just make bad choices, she had a complete mental breakdown. She is still not capable of making her own decisions and she should have someone wiping her talentless ass until she figures that out. She should be happy that her gay fanbase will buy her shitty albums no matter how tragic she is and that a record label will still allow her to record that noise. BLEH

  16. Marcie says:

    I caught the show today. It was on after a “True life: I’m in a love triangle” that show was more insane then Britney by the way…

    anywho, Britney is a weird soul. She used to dance, But she was on Good Morning America earlier this week and she was stiff as a virgin cock watching porn. her southern accent is enough to make you commit suicide, i dont know what point Im trying to make, but she is something else. Ever notice you dont have to like her, but you’ll still watch an hour documentary about her? i caught 45 mins but for someone who never bought an album, or really jammed out to the music, thats something.

  17. chris crocker says:


    P.S.:Bobby honestly i believe you are so horny looking ALL her promo bio-interview…i think you have cum all over the place just looking at her….And your hate after her making you feeling so horny and cummin all time..

  18. Deadbeat says:

    Why was your adsense cancelled..LOSER…hahahah

  19. john says:

    How do you figure a completely idiotic person made it bigger and richer than an ‘intelligible’ lot as yourselves? Are you…
    a) jealous?
    b) miserable?
    c) jealous + miserable that you the truly and sincerely talented have thus far been ignored and unrecognized by the world?

    Well here is my review of you:
    Congratulations on your ‘prized’ education, for you have put it to your greatest work: defamation of another human being, who has really done you no harm and if any at all nominally. Just goes to show that intelligible people are as lame as the dumb people, only apparently dumb people at least are aware when they are ignorant. When I thought about what type of person would write the blog it initially elicited the question of character vs. circumstance? Did the author do what he did because of who he is at his core, or was he pushed into that behavior by circumstance? Palpably you know the answer to that.

  20. John says:

    john, you are an idiot. Sure there are probably some people that make fun of people because they need someone to make fun of to feel somehow important or otherwise not a total failure, but this is not the case here. You have refuted the insulting of Britney, but not the actual insults, and therefore have not claimed to be some sort of fan of Britney Spears. The author is simply posting blogs with his opinions about things. That’s the purpose of this website. To entertain some people, and piss off others. If you don’t have an opinion on one of his blogs, then you probably aren’t reading it. And if you are, he will either be glad that he entertained you, or thoroughly enjoy pissing you off and making you look like a total moron. It’s not like he’s walking down the street with a sign insulting Britney. Sure, she has done him no harm, but is this website hurting her? I doubt that she will ever read this in her life. So please, don’t question his motives, and sitting around pecking on a computer insulting someone else for doing the same is just hypocritical.

© 2008 Pointless Banter - All Rights Reserved || Designed: E.Webscapes || Social Media Consulting: Comedy Central Sound