Thank God I am not female: Reason 452
Before I review date number 4 (who is aware of the blog and is not freaked out by it) she shared with me a recent exchange she had on match. This gives you a little preview of her personality and gives me another reason why I am glad I am not female:
__________
Hey there,
I appreciate your interest and the wink, but in an effort to maintain my strict honesty at all times policy, I have to say that as it stands I don’t think you and I would be a solid match romantically and if we hung out it probably wouldn’t go anywhere further than my somehow duping you into having sex with me on our first date despite your constant reassurances that you don’t normally do that sort of thing. After this aforementioned first date sex I will make no promises to call you and, given our gender roles, you probably won’t call me. Which, for me, won’t be a huge problem, but I could see how that might not be something you’d necessarily be amped about. Having shared my proclivities on the subject of casual pre-marital coitus I could see how you might be put off, but try to consider my honesty on the matter and give me the appropriately allotted props for said candor.
Should you reply I will assume your email is a small green light indicating your discrete, unstated willingness to partake in the above described date and it would be an understatement to say I would be impressed.
hope all is well,
derek
——-
My guess at what Derek looks like:
Well I guess you have to give Derek props for laying it out there. I have to question if this has ever actually worked? If it has I need to redesign my entire approach to life.
And her response…
_________
Hello, Derek.
Although I most definitely appreciate your uninhibited honesty, I will have to decline your transparent offer of meeting up for a night of first-date sexual contact.
I would like sincerely to thank you for your response to my wink, but unfortunately, I will refrain from doing so. I also pride myself on my candor and would rather tell you to go fuck yourself.
On that note, seeing as how you had mentioned a night of just sex with a random person from match, I think I’ll just stick to my vibrator… I can put it back in the box under my bed after I’m through and not worry about phone calls or whether or not I left my favorite chapstick at their place.
I’m sure you understand. Good luck getting a random girl to fuck you!
Signed,
Date Number 4
———–
Is date number 4 a winner or what?
Girls do you actually get this shit? Does it or would it work?
Has Date Number 4 figured out that “Derek” is another profile you created to test her love?
LOL. Just kidding. That dude sounds like a douche. You should probably email him with the info for the escort girl.
I want to create a bunch of fake profiles with crazy shit on it.
Back in the day when match.com didnt have all these cockblock tactics to get you to join, you could do that. Now, not so much.
It might be worth the money for the material.
im honestly thinking of getting a match.com profile just to remind me that im not THAT desperate…..ill let you know how that goes
That.Is.Awesome.
Good for her! I’m now wondering if I know this clown.
I want to get his picture… personally I think it deserves to be posted.
Fucking definitely!
Well I’m hoping somebody informs him and it creates a ruckus on here! If it’s the Derek I know the last time I saw him he had his head in a toilet crying.
I shouldn’t hit ‘Add comment’, but I’m going to.
the plot thickens.
Yes he is a douche!
No doubt
Why does his picture need to be posted? He was honest. Nothing wrong with that. I think her response was shitty, considering she winked at him. I don’t think I would have told him to go fuck himself, a simple no thanks should have sufficed.
Uh that is a pre-made picture from the internet it isn’t him.
And her response is great… it is pretty damn funny. If she would have wrote back a no thanks what fun would that have been…
Killjoy
Uh, I know that. You stated you wanted to get a hold of his picture and you thought it should be posted.
Killjoy this!
If I got my hands on it I would probably heavily consider doing it.
Fuck him.
Yeah fuck Derek. I wonder how straight forward Mr. Honesty is in his original profile? Clearly Date #4 wouldn’t have winked at him if he was the paragon of candor to begin with. Ole Douchebag Derek wasted her time and he deserves to have his head in a toilet crying.
Why? Why fuck him? He was being honest for cripe’s sake. See here’s where women confuse the shit out of men. They are offended if a man is not honest when he expresses his expectations, and feel swindled, and he’s a pig, womanizer. Yet when they are honest you ream the shit out of them. It’s a catch-22.
I’m glad to not be a man in this case to be honest.
No offense to your friend of course.
Date #4 is fucking awesome!
I am smitten
I watched something crazy as this last night-I have no idea what show but they were doing the naked man. A couple goes out for the first time and upon returning to her place, the gentleman requests to use the restroom…she goes off somewhere and when she comes back, the man is naked. Chicks think it’s funny so they go ahead and fuck him. Somethin like that. Hmm. I bet it does work. 1/2 the time.
That was “How I Met Your Mother” and the original naked man said it works 2 out of 3 times… funny.
And I’ll bet that’s exactly what this guy is doing. He puts a great profile (woman bait) and then answers ‘winks’ with this bullshit to see how many women will take this as a challenge. It’s true that many women will look at this like “oh, he thinks I’ll fuck him on the first date, huh?” and then end up getting charmed by him, fucked and never called again. He’s free and clear, saying “I told you so.”
That’s not his honesty, that’s his GAME. Pure and simple.
The above was actually a reply to Brandi Shae a few comments above me…
and yes, I like Date#4!
She, my friend, sounds like a keeper. Good Luck!
We will see…
My first thought was, wow, he writes pretty well for your typical online sleazeball (ignoring the run-on sentences). I get all kinds of pervy come-ons but they usually aren’t this coherent.
And yeah, she’s a total keeper.
yeah he dropped some .50 words in there
Date # 4 is a keeper!
I use to get awful stuff like that too. And on occasion, pictures of their cocks too. I had one guy describe himself as 5′11, 200 lbs and short blond hair.
When I met him? He looked like Drew Carey…Only shorter and fatter.
That was the LAST time I ever met someone when I did not see his photo first.
Date number 4 is awesome for responding. It was quick and to the point. However, I bet this person gets off on pissing off women and perhaps that’s why he does it.
I never got something quite like that but similar. . .eh it helps to weed out the douche bags. Getting a response of that nature and hitting the “block” option is much better than going out on a date with someone from match who seemed normal then tried to molest you after a nice sushi dinner. (True story.)
I am curious to see what type of woman would respond to him and the reason why they would. Would they respond to call his bluff or did he peek their interest at being so forward and trying to sound cavalier.
Oh and P.S. someone should tell him to join lavalife.com. . .at least they have an “intimate encounters only” option.
That’s me you’re cutting on and I look nothing like Derek. Why do you hate?
I just punched myself in the nuts at the thought of that.
Date Number 4 is a definite KEEPER!!!
Derek’s response, that’s a write up you forward to all your girlfriends and laugh. Hysterically. Repeatedly.
I AM SORRY BUT, THERE HAS TO BE A REASON WHY HE FELT SO INCLINED TO WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO HER.
I THINK YOU ARE LEAVING OUT THE BEST PART AND NOT TELLING US WHAT IS SAID ON THIS CHICK’S PROFILE.
Sounds like my brother Derek (really)
Though the dude’s married
marry her
I think the best part of this e-mail from Derek is the fact that he wished that ‘all is well’ with me.
After insinuating that we meet up for a night of stereo-typical first-date roll playing with the sex-obsessed guy trying to get into the naïve girl’s panties, I find it extremely humorous that he actually closed his invitation with such a personal touch.
Maybe he really isn’t the douchebag I thought he was…
Nah. I still say fuck him.
This is some funny ass shit… actually, I am the one being Derek…lol when you get to be my age(40+) it is more of an interview than a date. It goes something like this….
me: so basically we are sitting here because of a mutual physical attraction, so depending on the kiss will determine if we get naked or not.
him: uh-huh I know exactly what you mean.
me: I want a friend a can relate with and hang out with and have incredible sex when I want it.
him: YES!!! exactly what I have wanted too!!!
me: ok lets see what you got, why prolong this if it is unneccessary(leans in for kiss)
him: ok…..(leans over)
it sucks, it is not passionate I feel more passion from my vibrator when I put in a fresh battery…
me: sorry for the inconvience, this will never go anywhere…. good thing we didn’t order yet… see ya…(get my jacket and leave)
Ha! I bet it has worked if he’s decent looking. I know girls who are so tierd of being single all they want is a lil ass.
YES!
You must hang on to her at all costs…. ALL costs
find me a girl please
find me a please
Just quickly my 2 cents here. He was being a dick, not honest. She winked at him and he wasn’t interested. He could have just said Thanks but no thanks and left it at that, instead he was insulting.
I’m not saying I agree with her response either, after all, she winked and opened herself up to whatever response she got, but I think he was doing it to get a rise out of her and he suceeded.
Basically he has an ego the size of Australia. Maybe you ould set up a profile and take him down a peg Tits