A long time ago I wrote a list of things that I wanted to do before I die. There are a few more things I would like to add to the list.
1) Be on Taxicab Confessions
I want to be goaded into telling a ridiculous story by a complete stranger driving a cab. Diving into the most personal shit and talking about something that is only fitting for late night pay cable. Then at the end of the ride when they ask me to sign a release (for which they will give me a free cab ride) I will flip out and look at the camera asking, “Is that really a camera?”
It is the simple things in life that make me happy.
2) I want to cook a meal and….
Have an enormous black man stand up and proclaim, “That is some good shit right there.” So I am either going to need to start hanging out with NFL players or work in a prison because it would probably increase the odds of this happening.
3) I want someone to give me a satisfactory answer….
To the question, “Why do adults brag that they have read all Harry Potter books and/or the Twilight series?”
Unless you started either series as a teen and finished them in your early twenties you have no excuse. Pick up a real book and mentally challenge yourself. Actually you can cross this off the list because there will never be a satisfactory answer.
4) Be let ahead of someone in line at Target when I have fewer items….
I just want one person with 75 items and 15 price checks to allow me to go ahead of them when I have 3 things…. Just.one.time.
5) I want a certain piece of my life explained by a crappy montage with bad music.
Instead of having to tell a long boring story explaining the events of something I would just like to pop open a portable DVD player and play a montage of everything that happened that led up to said event. You know like my epic rise through the All Valley Karate tournament.
What is on your list?