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5 more things I want to do before I die

By: Bobby Finstock on 11/19/08 @ 9:02 am

A long time ago I wrote a list of things that I wanted to do before I die. There are a few more things I would like to add to the list.

1) Be on Taxicab Confessions

I want to be goaded into telling a ridiculous story by a complete stranger driving a cab. Diving into the most personal shit and talking about something that is only fitting for late night pay cable. Then at the end of the ride when they ask me to sign a release (for which they will give me a free cab ride) I will flip out and look at the camera asking, “Is that really a camera?”

It is the simple things in life that make me happy.

2) I want to cook a meal and….

Have an enormous black man stand up and proclaim, “That is some good shit right there.” So I am either going to need to start hanging out with NFL players or work in a prison because it would probably increase the odds of this happening.

3) I want someone to give me a satisfactory answer….

To the question, “Why do adults brag that they have read all Harry Potter books and/or the Twilight series?”
Unless you started either series as a teen and finished them in your early twenties you have no excuse. Pick up a real book and mentally challenge yourself. Actually you can cross this off the list because there will never be a satisfactory answer.

4) Be let ahead of someone in line at Target when I have fewer items….

I just want one person with 75 items and 15 price checks to allow me to go ahead of them when I have 3 things…. Just.one.time.

5) I want a certain piece of my life explained by a crappy montage with bad music.

Instead of having to tell a long boring story explaining the events of something I would just like to pop open a portable DVD player and play a montage of everything that happened that led up to said event. You know like my epic rise through the All Valley Karate tournament.

What is on your list?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

33 Responses to “5 more things I want to do before I die”

  1. kate says:

    I just want to be on Cash Cab. I don’t care if I don’t make it to my destination. Just give me a chance to win some money.

  2. Charlotte says:

    You spent all your time reading Harry Potter and not watching The Discovery Channel, that’s how?

  3. Vince says:

    I’m with you on #3. There are millions of books out there and adults are reading the ones for pre-teens, it doesn’t make any sense.

    • I love when they justify it saying”but the story is really interesting” come on… challenge yourself to think slightly.

      • Vince says:

        I couldn’t agree more.

        This might not be a satisfactory answer but I think the reason why adults brag about reading those books is because they could never finish a challenging book in their lives because they can’t read above a 5th grade level. And they feel justified because the book they read was 900 pages long.

        • Tori says:

          Hey now, I’ve read all the Harry Potter books because the story is interesting but I still read plenty of other stuff. God forbid we should want to be entertained and escape a little bit. At least people are doing it with books and not tv.

          • Gail says:

            i get to use the age excuse, cause i think the first book came out when i was 13. and i only read the first 4. and now ive decided id just watch the movie cause im lazy

  4. Meghan says:

    I’ve never read a single Harry Potter book because I’m not 9. I always let people ahead of me at Target. I kind of have my OWN theme music. I watched Taxi Cab confessionals the other night and wanted to drop kick the douchebag in the hot seat. AND I made something last week for dinner and thought some old man would want to ’sop it up’ with a biscuit.

    Voila! My new singles ad.

  5. Brandi Shae says:

    This is an excellent list! I’ve always wanted to be on Confessions as well! And Target-well that happens to me all the time. Just yesterday a man let me in front of him. Mostly to stare at my ass but that’s all good.

    I’ve been trying to snag a black man for some time now so I shoudl really work on #2…

  6. Did you say Harry Twatter? Oh, Harry Potter…right. Those dorks are as bad as the Star Wars clowns now.

  7. Marcie says:

    wal-marts 20 items or less “express lane” always has old slow people as cashiers, and people counting pennies for there 35 items…

    just once i’d like a young person, cashiering for people woth less then 20 items in said “express lane”

  8. Arjewtino says:

    Those are some worthy goals.

    I, too, have always wanted a montage to further time along.

    And it’s perfectly acceptable to use the Karate Kid music.

  9. Tori says:

    1. I want to set myself on fire.

    I figure once I do that, I may not be able to accomplish anything else.

  10. Em Em says:

    Your montage could lead to losing the champeenship to a wagon full o pancakes, just to warn you.

  11. Tits McGee says:

    Maybe not do but see…a man experience a heavily-clotted period.

  12. E says:

    Amen to the montage! And #3. Who cares if you read seven over-indulgently thick CHILDREN’S books?

  13. Tits McGee says:

    Sally, get over it. You bleed.

  14. Branwyn says:

    Ok, I have read both Harry Potter and Twilight. I consider it light reading. I also read a plethora of other things. It’s just a matter of interest and mood. Secondly, what do I want to do before I die? Become a blogger with a MUST READ blog. Yeah, I want to be just like you………lol! =)

  15. Angry Jazz Hands says:

    I read the Harry Potter series because I wanted an easy read that didn’t require me to think and was as interesting as a half hour sitcom. I read all the time and sometimes I need a break. Just something fun and fast that does not require much mental power. Other then that I have no excuse.

  16. PsYcHo BiTcH says:



  17. cio says:

    i love the cheesy music from the karate kid movies! the karate kid was one of my first crushes, although technically the movie came out 2 years before I was born (I used to watch it on tv whenever it was on) …i still don’t understand how the plot of the second movie could start minutes after the championship, and his new girlfriend is already cheating on him with his douchebag rival..

    anyway, i started reading harry potter in middle school and the last one came out in my undergrad. i guess the people who are insulting it probably haven’t read it? yeah it’s a children’s book I suppose, but I still reread the chronicles of narnia and the lord of the rings, through the looking glass, etc..even though i read them first as a child. I was always a huge bookworn, and my favorite books are the old english/american classics and those in the realm of dystopian fiction, but that doesn’t mean these stories aren’t good books as well. Fantasy novels are just entertaining… I haven’t read Twilight, but I don’t think it’s similar to harry potter in that i think girls read it because there is a “hot vampire” and not actually for an interesting storyline.

    holy shit, this is a long post.

  18. Patrick D. says:

    Are you blaspheming Survivor? You read watch that crap? Or it WILL be on! It’s the eye of the tiger, motherf*cker!

    (On second thought, that song may actually not be Survivor. Never mind. But don’t blaspheme Survivor…)

  19. Tori says:

    Yeah I was like, 10 or something. But I never watch movies based on books. I always end up nitpicking them.

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