Why you should block all ex boyfriends/girlfriends from IM
My friend… we will call her Pam… recently had her 30th birthday. At her party an ex-boyfriend (whom she dated years ago) showed up and hung out for a bit. He is currently seeing someone but decided to IM her the next day. Eventually the conversation turned incredibly uncomfortable and he ended up typing a monologue. This was his is his monologue and my comments (which are in bold).
(Note: She did make a comment earlier in the conversation about her being in her prime. It was in a joking manner. Apparently that is what spurred this on.)
The Dude: There was so weird tension between us at my place. I figured it was because we both want to do each other, but can’t because I’m in a relationship to be blunt which is unusual for me.
I knew that’s what it was the other night, I think the whole room could feel the tension between us it gave me quite a lot of energy. I remember that one night when we were drinking at Hemingway’s and we got into a cab together discussed where we were going then as we turned the corner, you said Dude, “I’m not that kind of girl.”
So I said to the cabbie, stop the car. Too bad you weren’t in your prime then…
(Pretty harmless monologue at this point. The sexual prime reference was a bit creepy but otherwise this conversation just looks like a guy remembering the old days.)
So how do you handle yourself when you want to screw someone who’s in a relationship? I’m way past my prime, and it’s hard for me maybe you like teasing me. It’s a good thing we don’t see each other often.
(Starting to turn slightly creepy, not 100% creepy but if you were on the telephone you would be trying to hang up at this point by saying things like, “My house is on fire.”)
I need an outside perspective. Say I fantasize about sleeping with another woman… Is that natural, or is that a sign that I shouldn’t be in a relationship? Should I feel guilty about having these “fantasies” while in a relationship? Sometimes I want to act on the fantasy is that normal too? Maybe that’s what makes me question whether I should be in a relationship or not like when we were play fighting in my kitchen the other night…
(Note: Pam doesn’t remember play fighting at any point in this night. She may have punched him in the arm or something. Now the conversation has turned into full on creep mode. How much would you like to bet that he relieved himself while thinking about this play fighting event?)
Maybe I’m not wired for monogamy or maybe I’m just a man. See, now I’m turned on again too much tension if we could go back to that cab ride what would you do? I wasn’t suggesting that we have sex that night anyway… I was thinking mutual masturbation.
(And there it is.. A conversation with your ex-girlfriend turns to the topic of mutual masturbation within the first few minutes. What could possibly be going through his mind that him think that this would seal the deal?)
Pam : hold your horses there Dude…we’re friends, lets not forget that
Dude: I didn’t say we weren’t. You’re the one who said that you were in your prime to me… you got the ball rolling.
That is like a guy raping a girl and saying that it was because she was wearing red lipstick. Okay it is NOTHING like that but I couldn’t think of a good analogy…
What is the creepiest thing an ex has said to you after you have broken up for awhile?
I went to a business function with my brother and sister in law and ex who happens unfortunately to be one of my brother’s best friends (NOT ADVISEABLE in case anyone was wondering). I had my hotel room to myself as I opted to pay more to not room with strangers but he chose to pay less to room with a stranger. Apparently he thought this would be a good ploy to try to get me to share a room with him. So he asked me if he could room with me which was not sooo creepy, but largely uncomfortable. It got creepy when after I immediately said “no”- he asked my BROTHER to ask for him and proceeded to then whine and cry to him about what did he do wrong and why would I shoot him down without even considering it, and if I wanted he could sleep on the floor, I wouldn’t even have to share the bed with him… Having my brother have to play the part of the very awkward and uncomfortable messenger made it high up on the creepy scale for me.
Yeah that is um… yeah
Oh my God! The poor woman! This is why I don’t IM.
I do get drunk dialers and this is one that made me laugh…bear with me.
Guy: I’d really like to, you know, see you again.
Me: Yeah, that’s probably not a good idea.
Guy: Why, because you know what would happen (over the phone wink)?
Me: No..I just don’t think I want to see you.
Guy: Oh, Come on! I’d drop every girl I’m with if we got back together.
Me: Umm, how many girls are you with?
Guy: If I tell you you’ll never go back out with me!
Me: I’m not going back out with you anyway!
Guy: Fine! SIX!
I literally laughed until he hung up. Moron.
But you could have been his number 1
Now you know the tale of my phone conversations with Meghan. *sigh*
LOL I’m not afraid of you.
hmm, i actually had a problem with an ex getting ahold of me via im.
back when i was 19(im 22 now) i dated a guy from a different town. we were set up through friend, and i was in my “bad boy” phase. he did have a motorcycle, and i thought that was pretty cool. but he evidently had issues with the law and had to move back to his parrents house. and then about a month into it, i stopped getting calls. couldnt get ahold of him and was like WTF. so i took his shit back to his parrents house and found out he went to prison for parole violation….oops.
im a dumbass, i know ive made some questionable choices with guys. but i decided to let this one go and pretend it never happened..
untill about 3 weeks ago, when he imed me. asking me if i missed him, and he got all sappy about how sorry he was and how i had to find out through other people that he got arrested and shit. well i decided i would only reply with closed comments.
i never encouraged conversation at all and pretty much replied with yes/no answers.
last week i started getting bi-poler messages about how much he misses me and how much he hates me for not caring. and blah blah blah.
i really just thinks he ended up as some dudes bitch in the slammer, and i dont think i could ever look him in the face ever again…..im so happy i moved and he has no idea where i am.
Well at least he won’t try to talk you into anal… he can’t be a fan
Gail, I’ve got you beat in the questionable choices department.
I married a guy I had known online for 4 years. Yes, we had spent time together, and lived together a while before getting married, but still. I THOUGHT I knew him.
After he’d gone on several day long benders, I told him he obviously couldn’t hold his liquor, and if he intended to stay here, he had to stop drinking altogether. He agreed and did well for about 4 months. Then I came home from work one day and he was at the bar. When he came home 8 hours later, he picked a fight with me and left again for the bar. I locked him out. Long story short, the police were involved, I had to get a protective order and flew his ass back home to Mama.
In the 9 month since, he’s IM’d me and emailed me continuously. I’ve saved them all and sent them to the police in the city he lives in, who are more than happy to prosecute. Just the other night, he IM’d me again, asking me to reconcile. Some people just don’t get it.
awsome. i have to say though, it takes alot to drink all day. expecially when doing drunk sports. ie: golf, softball, and put put bar crawls
My life looks more and more normal as I read this stuff.
At my last reunion I ended up talking to a dude I randomly had hooked up with at a high school house party… in an empty bathtub. There were good times, partial nudity and groping, but 100% definitely no penetration (I would know). He claims he lost his virginity to me that night. In the bathtub.
WTF? Poor delusional thing thinking “that” was intercourse. After a round of “uh huh, nuh huh, uh huh, oh no you fucking didn’t… ” it got totally weird and creepy. I mean, I’m all for getting credit when it isn’t due, but fifteen male pattern baldness, paunchy years later… ew, ew, ew.
So yeah. I’m going down in this icky dude’s sexual history as his first… and he only registered on my hook up remember radar because of the tub.
maybe he was fucking the drain and didn’t know it
Sweet Jeebus…I was going to leave a comment about how an ex wanted me to introduce our parents and all have a big family dinner to prove that we were meant to be, but you kids have me beat.
Thank you, Jeebus. I feel 243% less dysfunctional as a result of these prior comments.
I know there is always someone with a story top whatever is going on.
The guy I lost my virginity to asked me to take him back. When I told him no, he went on a tirade about how I was just a stupid drop-out bitch who was so desperate to be knocked up. I asked him if that’s how he talked to people he cares about and he immediately launched into an apology-fest and proclaimed how much he loved me…so I blocked him. And for the record I never dropped out of school, like he did.
The raving lunatic switching what they say and think is always fun.
i broke up with a guy i had been living with for awhile. the place was in my name so he moved out. he kept calling me at my work number crying and saying he wanted to get back together and i told him i just needed space for awhile. he still had some of his stuff at my place and he wanted to know when he could come get it. i told him i would let him a good time later. he’d been out for maybe a week at this point.
i got home from work late one night and got ready for bed. i mustve forgot to turn out the light in the hallway. a noise woke me up at about 3 in the morning and my ex was standing in my bedroom doorway with his freaking pajamas on.
apprently he had two copies of the house key. wtf is wrong with people?
the pajamas totally and utterly made the story awesome
I had an ex that had some slight attachment issues. After we broke up she would still call/text/email me all kinds of things. Her messages varied from the standard of:
“I miss you”
“I still love you”
“We should get back together”
to the kinky:
“I’m thinking about you when I masturbate”
“I’m wearing the see-through panties you bought me”
“I want you inside me”
All this was fine and dandy till I got this little bombshell:
“I’m pregnant…and it’s your’s”
I called up Maury right after that message, and thankfully he was able to prove that it wasn’t mine.
You could have just shoved her down the stairs and called it a day.
Well I’ll be honest, the temptation to punch her in the stomach was overwhelming for the first week or so.
This is going to lead down a path where I start talking about a Jenny Garth Lifetime movie…
Nice shoes….wanna fuck. Seriously, I’ve had an ex gimme that line before.
Weak sauce… whatever that means
Had an ex I hadn’t seen or spoken to in about 6 months invite me out for a drink. He “missed our friendship.” He gets drunk, tells me he wants to “take care of me”, in the sense that he wanted to move into my STUDIO apartment with me and get married (I had broken up with him because he tried to choke me), and when I laughed in his face, he broke the windows out of my car. Good times.
Sounds like a very centered down to earth dude. I can’t believe you broke up with him.
To be perfectly honest, I only went out with him in the first place because he looked fantastic naked.
man, that reminded me of another guy i dated in my questionable freshman year, he was a wrestler at the school i went to. but he always got drunk and wanted ass. one time he called he swore up and down he missed me, and wanted to be with me.
“allegidly” he riped off the drivers side mirror, back windshiled wiper, and antenna, and tried to bust out windows but was unsuccesfull……the best part is how i found out he did it.
a few of my friends that lived on the same floor as he did, were in the parking lot hot boxing a car when they saw him do it.
Oh, and this other time, I had broken up with this momma’s boy, who constantly called me crying about wanting to get back together. I continuously refused. He tried a different tack. Called me at 3am when I was dead asleep, ranting about how I had given him an STD and how I might as well get back together with him because no one else would ever want a diseased whore. I felt bad for the two seconds it took for me to wake up fully and realize I don’t have an STD. I hung up on him. The next day, I come home from work and there’s a smoking hole in the middle of my carpet. My roommate had let him into the house to “get his stuff”, (she left for work and told him to lock up before he left), and apparently he had taken every picture of the two of us together and burned them in effigy in the living room. Landlord was not amused.
I have a tendency to say “we can be friends” after each breakup, then TOTALLY regret it as soon as the other person acts on what I’ve told them. Generally, this leads to us hitting on the other person’s friends, sleeping with them, and then getting into huge fights where we agree never to speak or see each other again because we can’t handle it.
I’ve only ever had ONE ex-boyfriend that never got the “I was wrong, let’s never speak again” part of this cycle, and he continues to send me those cutesy forwarded messages about being the irreplaceable best friend and the love of his life and what-have-you, and then I’ll get a text message updating me whenever he has a fight with his current girlfriend, he cheated on someone, he thinks he knocked someone up… you get the picture.
I’ve been pretty much spared from all freakyness from exes, except the one that threatened to kill himself if I left him. That actually made me stay an extra -year-, young and stupid as I was.
He gets all blushed every time.
Altough, one of my exes once said to me “That’s alright, you’re good enough anyways” while we were talking about something in my physique. I still bring it up sometimes when we meet around our friends
I went down to FL for a friend’s wedding. My ex is her brother & we went out YEARS ago; he’s now been married for over two years. It was a little awkward because I hadn’t seen or spoken to the dude in over 4 years. Anyway a few weeks after we got back home, we were texting back & forth, just catching up on mundane stuff. Anyway, he wanted to know what I was doing for my birthday which was soon coming up; I told him my plans to go on vacation had fallen through. So he then suggested that the two of us take a trip to the Caribbean. Me & him. Remember I told you he’s been married 2 years. Long story short, I eventually took him off my IM list! That was way beyond weird.
There is not enough room to tell you all the “loser magnet” stories from my past. And some of these have me beat! (Except for the story of my ex husband who tried to OD on our honeymoon because, and I quote, “he wanted to know what death felt like”…) Anyway, I met my current guy when I was 12, we’re now in our 30’s, and we’re getting married next year. He said the right things, lol!
When I was 18, my boyfriend and I have a pretty fucked up relationship – mainly, he was fucked up and I listened to him. So when we broke up to “win me back,” he tattooed my name on his stomach. It was pretty small but still. So I thought it was really sweet for all of about a day and then realized he hadn’t changed, he was now just a fuckhole with a new tattoo.
Long story short, he wouldn’t leave me alone for a couple of months until I finally told him I was getting a restraining order if he called me one more time. A year later, I get a text from a number I only vaguely recognized that just says “I got a new tattoo.” I eventually figured out that it was him and told him I hoped the tattoo was a coverup of my name and he said, “No because I would still know it was there.” He kept asking if we could go to “the club” until my sister told him that if he ever contacted me again, he could forget a restraining order – she would just kill him.
You could’ve used my real name. I would have blogged it myself, but I know he reads my blog. Or should.
The guy I just broke up with told me via IM that he wasn’t ready to start a relationship because he had been “scarred for life” by his ex relationship. He was bitter and vulnerable and the world was dead to him. He was also perpetually depressed. When I asked him why he had approached me if he wasn’t over his last relationship he said “he didn’t know what to say to that”. I figured that was the end of the relationship right? Oh no! He IM’s me the next day and acts all offended when I tell him to leave me alone. He didn’t even have the balls to cut me off in person and then he wants to talk to me like nothing happened? The icing on the cake was that he didn’t remember telling me anything about his ex. But I had IM documentation, which I shoved in his face.
Ha ha ha. Boy, do I know how to pick ‘em.
You know, i actually think the lipstick metaphor was perfect.
what a creep.
Two years ago I met this handsome guy on a dating site…we were IMing each other every night, texted and he used to call everyday for about a month before we decided to meet up for a date.
I was crazy about him, we used to talk for hours in his car…but somehow my intuition told me there was something wrong, cos he would only come see me after 10pm and would go out but never invite me,but would say his with his mother or sister. He even asked to date me officially and I said yes, but then an hour later I called him up to say no, cos I still couldn’t shake off this uneasiness!
Two months passed, and I eventually called him to come around to me cos I thought I was ready to have sex with him…we had a quickie in my apartment. Suffice to say that was the last time I saw him!!!
A week later he calls me late at night and told me his drunk and he wants to see me..I asked him why and he says “cos I want to have sex, and I know u would f*** the shit outta a drunk man”…needless to say I told him to piss off!
A few days later was new years eve and I sent him a text message that I hope that the new year would make him a new man and not the immatured asshole he is!
The whole of january the 1st he sends me texts about how urgent he needs to speak to me! Eventually he started IMing me and telling me that he needs to tell me “the truth”…that I was just part of a bet and that him and 4 of his friends get to meet beautiful women online and try to get to different bases with them in a short period of time and they make money off the women with his friends. And that he “genuinely” liked me and that’s why he had to tell me all that and come clean with me…and how he made $1500 off me when he slept with me that sat afternoon! And that 99% of what ihe told me about his life was a lie, even his name wasn’t really his name!
Honestly, what he told me f****d me up emotionally and mentally….It took me a year to start gettin back into the world to meet new people…It was hard very very hard for me to trust people again since then.
Some men are just pigs and they don’t care who they hurt!
To make a long story short my ex broke up with me for reason she has yet to explain then three month later after not saying a word to her she sends me a semi nude pic of her in the bath tub. i never responded never said a word i just kept in my phone to show my buddies and deleted after they all saw. yesterday she told me that she still has feeling for me i told her i am seeing someone else and i am not interested any longer she has been IM and SMS
This was my ex from high school… given that I am now 29, and we had a quick 2 month affair about 2 years ago that I ended by telling my husband that I thought that I was pregnant and that it probably wasn’t his. I had told him, and explained that even if it was his my husband would raise it as his own, and I just wanted rid of him. He contacted me originally on my myspace that my husband knew the password for, and he knew that. So I sent him to a fake myspace to find out what he really wanted. Needless to say it went from 0-100 in no time.
—————– Original Message —————–
From: Me
Please only contact me from here on out on my private myspace.
—————– Original Message —————–
From: Him
Ok, no nothing is wrong, I just got a wild hair up my ass to contact you. I’ve been wondering if you had a baby or not? I wish we could had worked this out differently. Oh well it is what it is. So how has life been treating you. My tattoos have been coming along great.I’m getting better every day.
—————– Original Message —————–
From: Me
I just checked my last message, I thought that I had sent it… but I guess not. Here is my personal cell number… just in case you ever need to talk. Most people can not contact me on it. Hopefully now all the drama and bs is over we can be friendly.
—————– Original Message —————–
From: Him
So does that mean you missed me? So what exactly is friendly?
—————– Original Message —————–
From: Me
Well, did you miss me? And what do you take as friendly?
—————– Original Message —————–
From: Him
I asked you first. What is friendly and did you miss me?
—————– Original Message —————–
From: Me
Yes, I have missed you, but how can I hit you from here… Plus, you would like that too much, now wouldn’t you? Well as far as friendly, from our past record it always starts here and ends up there… like you minded? Have you seen my new pictures, if so what did you think? I have more, but they are hidden from public views. Ok, your turn… did you miss me?
(This message was to find out what he was actually contacting me about and was a bet between my husband and me to what the reply would be… we both lost… nobody would expect what came next.)
—————– Original Message —————–
From: Him
As of the pics, I’d like to f*** the hell out of you in those boots, maybe I’d even like to see you with a strap on. The pics are nice, you should let me see the private pics, you should tell me what they look like 1st. Yes I’ve missed you, but i don’t like the way you threw me under that bus. I can’t be calling you late nights anymore for i have a 1 year old boy and a girl friend. You can still e mail me.
After this… it gets much worse… but funny… it became an amusement for my husband, my friends, my family, and anyone else that ever met this guy.
Ho. Lee. Shhhhh. It.
Your husband is a saint.
Yes he is… I love him so much, but he is getting a pretty good chuckle out of it.
I dated a guy for several months. We were working together and he kept saying he didn’t want anyone to know we were seeing each other. I tolerated this for a while, and finally decided I didn’t want to anymore, when he totally turned around and said he couldn’t wait to show me off. The very next time we went out with mutual friends he wouldn’t hardly talk to me, and then when I complained, unfriended me on facebook (stupid) and dropped me cold. It turned out he moved back in with his ex-girlfriend and proposed a few weeks later. I suspect they were “on a break” or something and that’s why he didn’t want anyone to know about me.
This was 7 months ago. I got a message from him today that said:
guess what? I’m gonna be a daddy! How are you? sorry if this comes across as random
Don’t be a stranger!
for real?
Now if that was me I would have sent him a real nice wedding gift… oh… like anything that would let her know he was seeing you. I had thought my ex was on break with his girl… but I know different now, and the sad thing was he never really hid he was seeing me… I was hiding I was seeing him! But he will end up busted in the long run.