Booger spray + nervous mothers x hand sanitizers = pussified kids
This interweb series of tubes thingy is a funny place. And it is such because of the crap I read that is passed off as “news”. And, the news is stating that since it is getting chilly outside again, it’s time for our annual visit to find out where all those nasty germs are hiding.
The jist of the latest article on a “reliable news source” is to freak us all out by mentioning where there is the heaviest concentration of germs in our lives. And wouldn’t you know it? They’re everywhere. No shit. They range from the obvious (children’s playgrounds and airline bathrooms) to the, well, semi obvious (women’s handbags and the cesspool of used lipstick and half chewed tic-tacs in those damn things).
The article makes it a point to make sure that we keep germs away by cleaning stuff all the time, by using a hand sanitizer or washing our hands every time we touch anything and that we make sure that our kids do the same.
Now, I don’t know about you, but if I washed my hands every time I touched something, I certainly would qualify as Obsessive Compulsive, and I am sure that 100% of us would qualify as well. Therefore, I don’t wash my hands every time I touch something myself or others might have touched. Now, if I just finished wiping my ass and dribbling piss in a rest room before eating germ infested hot dogs with chili and cheese, then I consider it.
To me, the children of today, along with their unoriginal entertainment habits, are being raised as, politely put, pussies. And of course, it isn’t the kids’ faults, it’s the parents who insist on keeping kids in a tiny little enclave of a bubble, protecting them from everything from scrapes to getting sand in their ass cracks.
Now that I am a parent myself, I’m not in the business of attempting to protect my children from every little thing that could potentially harm them in life. Do I want them to run into heavy traffic or swallow marbles? No, and hopefully Darwinism won’t allow them to do that. But, I do want my children to learn as I learned, try things, cause and effect, trial and error. If you touch the stove and it gives you a little singe, well, I guess you’ve learned not to touch it again, right? Remember trampolines that didn’t have netting around them? Oy.
A quick biology lesson for you.
Our bodies are designed with what doctors and scientists call an “immune system”, a system endocrinologically (I made this word up, I think) able to fight off infection and build up immunities to said germs so that they don’t quite have the negative effect on us after being exposed to them a few times. This leads to, as we get older, getting sick less often, or if we do, it is much less severe.
Simply put, this is how after many years of life without hand sanitizers and anti-bacterial everything, we’ve survived.
Amazing we survived at all isn’t it?
Now we freak out about germs and “oh no! little Jimmy has a cold, quarantine him!” and we wonder why kids are always sick and have allergies to just about everything up to and including Oxygen (the element, not the channel, which I know I am highly allergic to).
It is the people that have very little intelligence or the ability to read and digest what is and what is not urgent news who react to the fear conjured from reading these “sponsored by Purell” articles. They’re the ones gobbling this shit up and out there sanitizing their world, all the while their kids sniffle and cough their way into next summer, when god forbid they get into a pool!
So, for those of you sheep that buy into all of this crap, I’ll ask one simple thing. Keep your panty waste kids away from all of society. Yeah, that’s it. That way they can grow up “normal”. Then, make sure you save your hard earned dollars for years of therapy and this book:
In other words, knock it off.
I had a friend who shot some of that hand sanitizer in her eye (by accident of course) and she had to go to the doc, and her eye was all kinds of fucked up for several days. We laughed at her because we are heartless like that.
I’d laugh too. But I would laugh because I would imagine something else being shot in her eye rendering her vision useless, because I am screwed up in the head like that.
She got those jokes too, but she was into chicks so
Bummer. She’ll have to settle for another kind of squirt.
there was a woman who worked in the same office building as me, she was elderly and had cataracts, so she had to use drops everyday, for well i dont know what cause i dont have cataracts…..but somehow her cataract medication got switched with super glue..no shit..super glue. which evidelntly turns as hard as concrete and glues your eye shut.
after that we got an emergency eyewash station at work.
Now, can you let my fellow country men know that your child getting wet in the rain will not make them ill? Nor will sitting on cold concrete give you “gripes”. *sigh*
One of my cousin’s was horrified I let Mouse pick up dropped food and eat it. Horrified. Fek, what doesn’t kill, fattens, the 10 second rule applies
First it is the 5 second rule, then after that it switches to the 10 second rule.
Your examples are perfect. I say just scrape the dirt off and have at it.
Dirt adds extra vitamins…. and minerals …. and sometimes protein!
Especially if it picks up a random insect.
Purell kills the good germs too.
I don’t care if its a 5 or 10 second rule…WHAT did the food drop onto? The floor next to the high chair…reasonably clean because I keep that area clean. Onto a pile of shit at the park…not so much. Use common sense for Christs sake!
I take a young boy to piano lessons once a week and she’s a freak about the kids touching her piano w/dirty digits. Meanwhile her disgusting cats are all over the place.
Cats suck. She should know that pussy can get dirty too.
My sister used to take a spoon out in our backyard and eat dirt out of the garden. Specifically, the manure my parents used as fertilizer. She was like, 3. My mom always stopped her but sometimes she got a couple spoonfuls down. Clearly, she’s not dead.
Yay germs!
Manure? That’s nasty. But, I see your point and will raise you Ron Burgundy eating straight up cat poo.
Ewww. Pass.
Megan likes to eat dirt in the back yard with a spoon. There’s a song about it.
I always think it’s so funny when I tell my dog that she is the only Germ in the house. And I am usually baked like a potato. She’s a GERMan Shepard. Bwahahahahaaaa!!!!
I can picture you saying that with a bag of Cheetos present.
More than the germ issue I hate that they ruined all playgrounds for future generations. I loved the old ones. Death traps to weed out the incompetent. And where the hell did they put all those merry go round catapult things at the park? Wasn’t spinning as fast as you can till you fly off and puke the point? Pussy kids+dumb parents= pissing me off daily.
Remember the trampolines that didn’t have the netting OR the protective cover over the springs? If your uncoordinated ass couldn’t hack it and you actually fell through the springs or off of it, tough shit. Be an athlete.
That was in reply to you Jeremy. I just was too lazy to edit it.
It’s not just the germophobe culture either. It’s this relentless obsession parents everywhere have now to make sure nothing bad or negative happens to their kids, ever ever ever, that might make them feel bad.
Certain Little Leagues are no longer having All-Star teams, because it makes the kids who didn’t make the All-Star team feel bad. What the fuck? If not making the fucking Little League All-Star team when you were 8 is the worst thing that ever happens to you, you’re leading a charmed life, amigo.
An entire generation of kids will soon exit high school completely incapable of dealing with failure.
When you have your first baby, you protect them from everything. Any fall is a major event; a scrape needs a trip to the ER. By the time you have your third, you’re too tired to worry so much. In fact, my OB/GYN had to tell my youngest had two extra toes.
The first human beings at raw meat off of the dirt on the ground. I think we can survive without hand sanitizer.