Are “leaked to the press nude photos” even news anymore?
Yawn.
Yesterday it was revealed that Adrienne Bailon, of the irritating, Disney manufactured, trollop rearing group “The Cheetah Girls” claimed that “steamy” nude photos of her were taken from her laptop, which itself was heisted from JFK Airport in New York and ransomed for $1,000. Yay.
It was revealed all of forty-two seconds later by her douchebag (ex) manager, 19 year old* Jonathon Jaxson, that is was all a PR stunt and that it was designed to drum up interest in Bailon as a sex symbol, and like, stuff. And since her tour with The Cheetos Girls ends on December 22nd, they are apparently able to pursue other projects. Besides, Disney has a pretty strict set of guidelines when it comes to “maintaining a professional, wholesome veneer” when representing them, so bye-bye Adrienne anyway.
So in order to further a falling starlets career, why not do what the rest of the no-talent hacks do? Get the old camera out, pose naughtily into it, maybe bend over to show a little onion, and just leak a story about “stolen photos” to garner interest in those other than 14 year old boys that whack off into wrist bands. Sounds perfect!
(*19 year old age assumed, not verified)
The problem with this is two fold. (*Disclaimer: The following must not be taken as that I want the photos to stop…really. I enjoy fresh nudity way too much to disown it. I’m keeping my man card.)
One it this tactic is completely played out already. It’s been done before, and been done a lot better, too, I might add. I mean, which Disney starlet hasn’t been photographed nude and/or semi-nude by now? Lindsay Lohan’s crazy ass, Britney Spears giving a hummer, Miley Cyrus and her pre-pubescent above-angle shots, Vanessa Hudgens and her Vietnamese forest…been done.
In fact, what girl between the ages of 16 and 22 hasn’t, at some point, whether by a boyfriend or by themselves in a mirror, been photographed showing off their cans or pooter? I’ll say very few. It’s just the way it is. Don’t stop doing it ladies, I’m just saying… (The internet is an awesome resource for finding this shit by the way. Ladies, odds are, if someone has taken a photo of you nude, somewhere, someone will find you, especially if an ex-boyfriend took it. And 70% of the time, you will get jerked off to. The other 30% have no business being nude and only will be missile-launched to if someone finds fat rolls, cottage cheese and small cattle appealing. Guys, if you take a picture of your Kiwis and Banana, you’re a d-bag. Put down your shirt and kick yourself on the balls. Thanks.)
Two, nude photos or candid sex tapes will NOT further your mainstream film or professional career. Sure, you’ll get some press and what not, but, resorting to this is a last ditch effort before you go full out into prostitution, real pornography (with full fledged facial money shots and tea-bagging), alcoholism and/or drug abuse. Don’t believe me? Ask the following:
- Tiffany
- Dana Plato*
- Tonya Harding
- Tara Reid
- Samantha Fox
- Brenda Walsh…I mean Shannen Doherty
- Verne Troyer…
…wait. Scratch that last one off the list and, blech, give me some Comet and a Brillo Pad to cleanse that image out of my head. Gracias. *And Dana Plato is dead.
Anyway, I guess my point of all of this is that I’m tired of this being front page news. Big deal, so you’re nude. Great. Give me the link, some free time and I’ll go and wax the carrot to them and that’ll be that. News would be if you are photographed naked with a rubber fist up your ass. That’s news. That’s what I call “worth it”. No need to act all retarded and weepy saying “your career is over, boo-hoo what am I going to do?” If this happens and you planned it, well, your career got off the ground as much as my fat ass at a pick up basketball game anyway. Pack it in Toots. Crystal Meth is on your menu.
Is there anyone else that feels this is a played out stunt? Is there anyone that has been photographed/filmed nude? My email address is…(ladies only, please…hehehe).
Addendum: As of press time here, it was reported that Adrienne received a $100,000 offer to pose nude in Playboy in a pictorial of “stylish photos with full nudity in a sufficient quantity and quality.” Yeah, again, while I will more than likely flog the dolphin to them, she’s through. See above examples.
You lost me somewhere between Tara Reid & Verne Troyer. As soon as I caught a glimpse of the name “Tara Reid”, I started thinking about those shots of her botched lipo…then I instantly saw Verne Troyer’s name & my imagination then took a turn for the worse & can only be wiped clean by a few days of quality “Wild Turkey” time. So, thanks for that.
Oh, yeah…”leaked to the press nude photos”. Boring. A “leaked to the press donkey show video” might be worth some attention, though.
How about a Leaked to the Press blumpkin set?
Now that would get my attention.
Same here. The photo of Tara brought back disturbing memories of Taradise, and I threw up all over my tits.
Talk about a ruined career. The fact that she played Bunny Lebowski is her only (if even that) saving grace.
Adriene looks like every other half nude chick out there- yawn.
Pooter. Residual rights! You’re lucky I love you so much.
What are you? A Nihilist?
Sorry about the pooter reference. I was thinking about you the whole time I wrote it, if that matters.
Lost me at Verne Troyer. That image I had of him crawling up and down to get to both sets of lips that I thought I had finally gotten out of my head just popped back up. I have only you to thank.
Don’t mention it. I do what I can to make sure eveyones days gets off to a great Brillo Pad start.
Well I was drunk and I didn’t know a camera was being used….
That’s what they all say.
I have never posed nude or semi-nude for this exact reason… and I’m sure the majority of male population thanks me
For the reason that your pics might be released to the press? Well, seeing as how you will be running for public office down there soon…
I think its great when celebrity hacks are known only for their nudes pics because they have no talent.
Nothing makes me happier than women who know their limitations and stick to them. Yeah, I’m not kidding.
Different perspective. That’s cool. I like seeing the photos, that’s for sure, but I hate that these pop tarts think that just because they flash the patch that it’ll get them millions of dollars. As you say, “stick to your limitations”.
It’s only annoying when they play victim in the aftermath. They’re tits are spotted on gawker and they get to wear one tasteful outfit and cry how they feel so vulnerable.
You did it because you wanted attention…you forgot cause you’re stupid.
Ya gotta admit though – those were some hot ass-shots. yum yum!
I have no problem seconding that.
More annoying? The accidentally released home sex tapes like the ones with Paris Hilton, Tommy Lee & Pam, Vince Neil and wife then Nikki Sixx and god know who. I think at one point all of Motley Crue thought it was a great idea but couldn’t sell Mick Mars on the idea.
I love how Paris Hilton at one point after the tape was released called fellatio “icky”. She seemed pretty accomplished at it, like she had been doing it for years…which is a long time to do something “icky”.
I agree with you is what I am saying.
Yeah, like being the starlet of AssMasters 12 and doing an interview about how much you hate buttseks. Just doesn’t work.
I might sound like a vengeful teenage bitch, ahem, but my friend’s boyfriend had been showing our year pictures she had taken for him, so she managed to get hold of naked pictures of him from one of his old girlfriends, and we encouraged her to send them round the school.
No-one can look at him the same again. Might I add it was squint ? My favoruite comment on it was ‘looks like he got a hard-on then ran into a wall’. Priceless.
I’m saddened by the fact that I’m only 14 and have already had experiences like this.
I’m saddened that at age 14 I wasn’t even close to having such experiences. Not the running into a wall with a boner part, but the “my girl friends have nude photos floating around” part.
Hahahahahah*breathegasp*hahaha
“got a hard on and ran into a wall”
Maybe 8 years ago I was very wild and crazy. I was enjoying watching some web cam bitches when this sexy ass man came over-the brother of one of our other friends. Well shit happened ya know-right in front of the computer (someone else’s computer mind you) and maybe a couple months after that, another guy told me he had seen a tape! The horror! I’m assuming the owner of the computer (Cable Guy) set up the webcam to record without me knowing it! I’ve never seen the tape and heard nothing else about it but maybe I’m on one of them damn porno sites! Don’t try to find me Matty!
Oh, now you know I will. I have all weekend to do it too