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The Match.com Files: Date 2- Oh Sweet Irony

By: Bobby Finstock on 11/12/08 @ 8:33 pm

(This is my log of dates from match.com)

Date- 2

What did I wear: Jeans, black v-neck, white shirt, black shoes…

Would I screw me? No… I may or may not have been bloated.

Odds of me getting laid: (0 means I am masturbating to old pictures of Tracey Gold and 10 means lots of lube) 0 … after date 1 I firmly believe all women are frigid.

Date location: Cool, semi-trendy bar

First impression: Attractive…. Score!

The date: Oh sweet irony. After having my date on the first night show up 45 minutes late I was 45 minutes late because I couldn’t find the bar. (I at least texted like 7 times though.)

Let me explain to the people that don’t live in the Boston area some facts about getting around here.

1) Our forefathers may have been smart but…. They were really shitty urban planners. Nothing is in a grid system here and roads continue on even though the road is no longer going straight. Here is a sample from Google maps.

Turn right onto Washington
Take a slight left to stay on Washington
Take a left to stay on Washington

I need to invest in a GPS. I have been able to drive cross-country, get around every major city, travel Europe, and navigate through Toys R Us. But I go out to get milk in Boston and I need to leave breadcrumbs behind me.

2) Nothing is marked… Street signs? Those are souvenirs for people’s apartments. Street numbers? Who needs them? Signs on buildings? They are for pussies. Why not just walk into the establishment and guess what it is. (Wait this is a strip club and not a daycare center… oh well.) The bar we were meeting at only had its name written on the window, un-lit, and not with a sign above it. I actually parked my car within two blocks of it off a guess and just wandered around until I saw a woman in the window that looked like my date with a glassed over bored look in her eyes. (that usually doesn’t happen until we hit the bedroom)

3) We have rotaries and roundabouts… California, Geneseo, NY…. and no other sane places have these.

Results: Had a few drinks, good conversation, same musical tastes, she likes sports, intelligent… We are going candlepin bowling next week. (I have never been.)

What has been the hardest place for you to get around in?

Tomorrow: I go on a date with an Asian girl… Finally.

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

46 Responses to “The Match.com Files: Date 2- Oh Sweet Irony”

  1. Selena says:

    What exactly is candlestick bowling. I can guess based on the name but I need you to elaborate please. Sounds cool. :0)

  2. PsYcHo BiTcH says:



  3. Lori says:

    Oh those damn round abouts will be the death of me and several other people every morning on my way to work. I’m going to teach a class on how to move your ass on through…if you see an opening …damnit GO!!! Carmel, IN has these and I hate them with a passion. I want to say, “Look kids, Big Bend…Parliment” At least you’re getting dates :)

  4. Lori says:

    Oops that should have been Big Ben..not Big Bend HA!

  5. Serenity says:

    This one sounds much better than the last one. Good luck with Asian Girl.

    Do any of these girls know you’re blogging about them? ;0)

  6. Meghan says:

    My 1st week in Boston the Non Profit I worked for handed me keys to a van and asked me to chauffeur 10 people through their conference schedule downtown. Huh?

    I have friends who like to bowl back home and when they came to Boston I took them Candle Pin Bowling. Line of the night:

    “Fucking faggot ass bowling pins, stupid fucking balls! If you get another strike, M I’m going to jam one…” You get the picture.

  7. Will says:

    Interesting, had never heard of candlepin bowling before; went duckpin bowling once though.

    Anyway, Washington DC also has roundabouts and they make for annoying navigation. I don’t drive here, so it’s not too bad for me.

    As for the GPS; just get a phone that has GPS builtin, whenever you upgrade your phone next; it’s so convenient.

  8. Stephanie says:

    This certainly sounds like improvement. I see you took the black with brown advice….

  9. Gail says:

    so i take it the drive there and finding the place was the most interesting part of the date

  10. Lori says:

    Roundabouts (aka traffic circles) are actually really quite quick for driving but for the fact that no one F***ing knows how to drive in them. So you get the idiots in the wrong lane doing the wrong thing and others pausing for those that may be doing the wrong thing. They do have them in California though. Long Beach has one on PCH.

    So, if these girls don’t know you’re blogging about them, how do you answer the “what do you do for a living” question?

  11. Jeff says:

    Boston is a complete trainwreck to drive in. My ex used to go to school out there, and I always took the train. Her last day of school, I had to drive out there to get all her shit, and it was the worst driving experience of my life. I’d rather drive in NYC.

  12. Try getting around Detroit…in one piece.

    • Melissa says:

      That’s what I was thinking. I’ve been to Boston, lived in NYC but had a miserable time in Detroit let alone trying to navigate all those different tiers of roads underground in Chicago.

  13. Duane says:

    There’s a town south of Flint that has a roundabout section coming off the freeway. I share your distaste for those things.

  14. Tits McGee says:

    Did you kiss her at the end of the night?

  15. Em Em says:

    I don’t think we have candlepin bowling here. Just the glow in the dark kind. At least this date went better!

  16. Zzzz says:

    Looks like Bobby is not as clever as he thought he was and will need to find a new person to go bowling with next week. Any takers? I actually think this stuff is pretty witty and humorous. I just don’t care to be the subject of it. Best of luck to you.

    • Betty Crocker says:

      NO way. Date #2 thwarts the (so called) secret blog and prevails. Odds of Candlepin Bowling: -2

      See Bobby? Girls can Google too. :)

    • With all due respect, he did say that you were attractive, which is more than he said about the first one. Plus he texted you seven times, so he is courteous. I think you need to give him a second chance.

      If you’re dead set on not partaking, well, I’m available. You can reach me here, or by taking I-90 west until you hear people speak the word “eh” at the end of each sentence. Keep going straight, over a bridge, past a few gunshots and empty GM plants all the way to a really big Lake. I’ll be in another “trendy” bar. Poo-pooed.

      Sorry Bobby. Looking out for #1. Especially since she is hot.

  17. kate says:

    i thought greenville, south carolina was the only place with roundabouts and zigzag streets

  18. Jessica says:

    Hahaha… sounds like you had fun. We’ve got roundabouts in Alabama, too, and I’ve always been amazed at the lack of stopsigns and general lack of really awesome car accidents that would normally result in those places. (But that’s just me.)

  19. roommate says:

    hmm… maybe you shouldn’t have your match.com profile name be the same as your digg/reddit/mix username…

  20. Max says:

    Lol, I had to look up candlepin bowling (the closest Chicago gets to variation bowling is the blacklight bowling). It looks pretty hard according to wikipedia

    So maybe you’re better off that she called off candlepin bowling

  21. Melissa says:

    Believe it or not Finstock, but your blog is a subject of conversation between me and my mom. She pointed out, rightly so, that the worst drivers on the face of the earth are in Egypt. Didn’t matter what color the light was, what the signage said, they just tooted their horns and blasted through intersections and around corners. Horrifying.

  22. JT says:

    Kate – where the hell are the roundabouts in Greenville, SC? I lived there for years and can’t recall ever seeing one.

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