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The Match.com Files: Date 1- Ms. Passive Aggressive

By: Bobby Finstock on 11/11/08 @ 5:44 pm

(I have decided for your reading pleasure to log all the first dates I go on after I set up my match.com profile.)

Date- 1

What did I wear: Jeans, button up brown shirt, black shoes…

Would I screw me? Yes I was looking mighty spiffy

Odds of me getting laid: (0 means I am cutting a hole in my pillow and making love to it and 10 means kinky sex time): 1, after the e-mail exchange started going cold I knew this wasn’t going to be a good date

Date location: Mexican restaurant

First impression: Just a general rule of thumb. “About average” on a dating profile does not mean 50 pounds overweight. I am not saying I am an Adonis or anything but I mean have some sort of self-awareness. The profile isn’t for what you wish you were… Otherwise I would be 6′3″ 220 pounds of pure steel, cut from granite, with an ass that won’t quit.

About average my ass

About average my ass

The date: Originally I thought about taking her to a hockey game but she got all weird saying, “what if we didn’t like each other?”

What if? Then you get hammered and enjoy the game… (She did say she was a hockey fan.) So instead of seeing my favorite team play in one of four opportunities I will get all year I ended up going to a Mexican restaurant but made the date early so if it sucked I could head to a bar and watch the game. And if it went well she would be invited along with me.  I thought it was a logical plan until she messed it up.

She was a tad pissed because I set the date up at like 5:30, so instead of changing the time or canceling she passive aggressively showed up 45 minutes late. Enough time for me to down three beers and start to hate her, things were starting out well.

When she arrived we had another drink and then got a table. The conversation was below average and I already had utter disdain for her so I decided to do a little social experiment, how big of an egomaniacal dick could I be? So I told her that I had been on the site for four days and already had 30 messages. Then I told her that I needed to set expectation and said to her that she was my first date and that it would be awhile before we had a second (even though there will never be a second) because I had so many people to go out with. The look of utter contempt on her face was worth coming out.

As soon as we got the check and paid for it she was out of there. I got to go home and watch the last to periods of the hockey game.

Results: A burning hatred toward passive aggressive, lying women and regret that I didn’t just go to the hockey game and blow off the date.

If someone is 45 minutes late to a neutral place for a date do they even have a chance at a second date?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

48 Responses to “The Match.com Files: Date 1- Ms. Passive Aggressive”

  1. Serenity says:

    It depends on the reason for being late… there are a few that are acceptable, but if you already knew she was playing a game then no, she doesn’t have a shot at date #2. I would have asked her to split the tab! Seriously.

    • I always pay… She did offer to split it though and made a smart ass remark, “with all those dates you have lined up you are going to go broke if you pay for everyone.”

      yeah she was pissed

  2. James says:

    Hockey > Fat Passive Aggressive Bitches

  3. PsYcHo BiTcH says:




    • I would consider you a pain in the ass

      • PsYcHo BiTcH says:




        • Serenity says:

          Passive / Agressive is the person who says “I’m not upset” but really is and is slamming shit around. They say “No, go out with the boys, it’s fine with me.” then turns her back on you when you get home and climb into bed.

  4. PsYcHo BiTcH says:



  5. James says:

    did she really look like the girl in the pic?

  6. Lori says:

    Unless they sent me a message (email, text, or call) that they were going to be late, I wouldn’t have waited a full 45 minutes. Sorry. 20 minutes tops with no word is all you’re going to get on the first date, let alone getting a second date.

    But, I’m in that “Spinster for Life” category so not sure that my advice holds any merit.

    I’m also one who not only offers, but insists on going dutch on the first date. I want no possible reason to feel at all obligated to the guy whether the date goes well or not.

  7. selena says:

    That was shitty! Personally, I would have been happy to be invited to a hockey game and that would take the pressure OFF of a first date. You scream, dance, drink beer and yell profanities! What could be any better than that? She on the other hand chose to show up late and eat Mexican food (which I love Mexican food but for a first date… what if you were like Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly or something… can we say awkward?
    She sounds like a bitch so… to the left, to the left! Bring on the next wench!

  8. Em Em says:

    I have a policy to tell people that I am chronically late- this way they know ahead of time if I’m not there in the first ten minutes to hang around and wait. But 45 minutes is a pretty big stretch even for me… And I like to err on the side of honesty- I’d rather put that I’m a little heavy than to classify myself as average in the event that my average isn’t the same average as others. So all in all, misrepresenting herself + 45 minutes late + snarky= definitely no second date. At least you didn’t waste a whole lot of time.

  9. Meghan says:

    Forty five minutes is a bit beyond late…as a woman I wouldn’t have waited that long with hockey at stake.

    I had a guy show up a little over a half hour late with no explanation other than ‘Yeah, you should probably know this about me…I’m always late!’

    I said ‘You should know this about me, I won’t be dating you for very long.’ I laughed, but he didn’t think it funny.

  10. Tits McGee says:

    Uh, yeah. You sound like a total delusional prick. Seriously, dude.
    Get off match.com and find a therapist. Talk about passive aggressive. Holy shit.

  11. Tits McGee says:

    And, Lori, what does you going dutch have shit to do with a date?
    God, I cant stand when women state that bullshit like they should receive an award for *gasp* considering themselves equal to men.

  12. Stephanie says:

    First off, black with brown is a no-no.
    Second off, I think you were considerably nice to this lady. Personally I would be well beyond ticked off if someone were 45 minutes late and then it was a crappy date anyway. Did she even have an excuse? I probably would have left the restaurant after the first 15 minutes of waiting.

  13. Tits McGee says:

    No, I don’t know what you mean, Matt. Did you write this crackerjack piece? :D I am not sure who is behind the names since I only remember names from myspace, nor do I care.

    While I agree 45 mins is ridiculous, he just shouldnt have even gone out on the date,and by doing so, knowing he “already hated her” is beyond passive aggressive. Hello.
    The crap about having chicks lined up is the prickish part, and hard to believe to be honest. Haha!

    • Did you even read it you moron… the girl thing was to fuck with her… It is obviously stated that I was doing it to fuck with her at that point out of sheer boredom.

      • Tits McGee says:

        I read it. Like I said, it was being a passive aggressive prick yet you’re sitting here trying to say she’s passive aggressive.
        Yeah, I’m the moron. Good luck with match, stud.

        • Tits McGee says:

          And seriously, Kevin, the weight thing? You could easily drop a solid 20 if not 30. Who are you to point a finger? Did you not see a picture of her before hand? What gets my goat about the men on match.com AND the women is how much they lie, the men lie about their ages and the women lie about their weight. And if you don’t know that going into it, then you’re the idiot.

          • See you make assumptions all over the place which leads you to putting your foot in your mouth. First of all where did I say I don’t need to lose weight? I fluctuate in weight a lot. In CA I was at 180 when I was doing the show now I am at 210 down from 220.

            Secondly she posted headshot pictures… Usually you can tell a persons weight by their arms in the pictures if they don’t give full body shots. So I had to go on what they have listed on their profile. Being extremely overweight is not about average. It never has been.

            Finally I know people bend the truths about themselves on social media and networking sites… I kind of get paid to know and study about that… And obviously I have been dealing with people for years on there. But when you list things that are obvious lies when you meet it is a problem.

  14. Karl Rove says:

    I think the general rule should be, If someone is 45 minutes late for a date, go to a hockey game. Particularly if it’s someone you probably won’t like that much anyway.

  15. Charlotte says:

    That pic you posted kind of looks like you in drag. *shrug*

    • Alejandro says:

      Looks more like jennifer lopez without makeup…
      There should definetly be more than 2 emails before meeting, and a word of advice, what people post in facebook, myspace, other social / dating sites. is the best they have or produced.

  16. vanessa says:

    No. Wait, not just no. HELL Nah! Yes, I moved my head when I said that. My dear, Match is a bunch of freaks. Seriously. I have the battle scars a plenty. Hey, but go for it. I’m gonna grab a bag of popcorn and laugh atcha!

  17. Destiny says:

    Turning down a hockey game? Total grounds for a bitch slap. Stupid broad!

  18. Janie Come Lately says:

    She sounds like a humungous ball of fun.

    Curious – what did you both say as you are paying the check and leaving? What’s the polite verbal wrap up when a date goes wrong?

    You could have told her you’d be thinking of her later as you tossed one off. Because that’s the kinda good guy you are and she’ll be glad know the whole thing wasn’t a complete waste of time.

  19. KC says:

    Two Words: HELL NO.

    The way I figure, the better you know someone, the more leniency they get when being late. First date? I would give 15 minutes MAX.

    If she was already being a bitch in the email, half the allotted time and double the beer is not only appropriate, but encouraged in my mind.

  20. Fiona says:

    Why in hell did you even wait 45 minutes. I would have left after 20. She should have at least called and said “hey, I’m running late” RUDE.

  21. Darcie says:

    You better have paid the whole check.

  22. Melissa says:

    Waiting on a date is like waiting on the school bus – if it ain’t there within 20 minutes of expected arrival time – go home and about your business. Doesn’t sound like a good start to this new dating scheme, unless you really are a masochist.

  23. JT says:

    I’m nothing short of amazed at how many people did not find the humor in this.

    I salute you.

  24. Tits McGee says:

    yo! fuck yew, rupert. :D

  25. Samantha says:

    Oh, I am just so glad that you’re writing about match.com dates.
    I have been using that ridiculous site for months, and you have hit the nail on the head with your observations about the lying and the passive-aggressiveness.
    Lol. Good to know I’m not alone there.
    It seems 95% of people that use that site are … unbelievable, and not in a good way.

  26. Carolyn says:

    Wait, what do you mean you’re not “6′3″ 220 pounds of pure steel, cut from granite, with an ass that won’t quit”?!
    Psshhhh way to ruin my fantasy.

  27. Singlegal says:

    This. Is. Awesome.
    and I don’t blame you for being pissed about the lateness. I once was having a bad date where the guy could only talk about himself. So I counted how many times he tried to look down my shirt, and then etched them on my cake. I bet he thought I was playing Tic Tac Toe.

  28. Kikolani says:

    Body-size liars. I love those. I had a few guys who told me they were 5′10″ – 6′ tall, and in person, they were just as tall as I was in flats, which is 5′7″. Do they really think people won’t notice something so obvious?

    ~ Kristi

  29. TuFFgYrLie says:

    This is funny and typical of online dating.

    First tip I’d give you is to invest just a little more time in making sure the person you’re emailing is who/what they say they are.

    And first dates? Go for coffee or just a drink somewhere. If it goes well, you can always stay for dinner. If not, you’re only out 5 bucks and less than an hour of your time.

  30. Tits McGee says:

    fair enough, muthafuckah, fair enough. Note: I sent that facebook email before reading this, you sensitive bitch. :)

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