Breaking News! Obama’s First Dump in the White House terlet!

Boy, that election thingy sure was a doozy eh? We got to see all sorts of Mavericks mud-slingin’ and moose shootin’, plus enough Joe the Plumber biz to know step by step exactly how he removes impacted fecal matter from a 7/8 inch piece of PVC pipe.

But, just as important as all of that was, we got to witness a little bit of history. One of the highest voter turnouts in American History, a record number of African American voters that hit the polls, the first public display of affection between Oprah Winfrey and that “beard” we call Stedman Graham and last, but not least, the first (behind Clinton) African American elected to the highest office in our country’s government.

So, B-Obama is the next President, set to take the oath of office on the steps of the Capitol in a few weeks and you know what? That’s great. I’m secretly whacking off to it. Or not.

Now, can we cut the bullshit already?

Ever since that damn election ended, no matter where I go, no matter what I do, I run into some sort of “news” article babbling endlessly on about Barack Obama’s “first” something.

Case and point. This morning, I read that today would be Obama’s first step inside the Oval Office, where “the First African-American President Elect will get a feel for the place where many momentous decisions will soon fall to him.”

This of course, was after yesterday’s piece on “Obama, the First African-American President Elect’s first glimpse at Executive Orders he will immediately use” to help immediately impact the nation regarding his governing as President.

And how could I forget his “first trip to the White House as the first African-American President Elect to discuss top secret national security/foreign affairs happy horse shit with the outgoing Premier warlord Bush”. I might have that last quote wrong, but I was three sheets to the wind when I read it, so eat me.

What’s next? His first Topeka Stink Pickle he drops in the Hoover bathroom in the White House? The puppy’s (goddamn that puppy…yes we know his kids are getting a puppy, enough!) first little whizz on the carpet in the Lincoln Bedroom? How about Michelle Obama’s first Tupperware party in the Eleanor Roosevelt Rug Muncher Room? Don’t forget the first slumber party…in the exact same rooms where the Bush twins used to have their booze filled web-cam orgies. You might want to get the blacklight out to scan that room for “stains”. (Or is it African-American light? Oh hell…)

Obama shootin' hoops for the first time with Wesley Snipes and Billy Ho

Look. First of all, I am pretty sure that most Americans are aware that Barack Obama is the first Black President of the U.S. I mean, even them culturally rich, highly educated, dental wonders in the South know he is the first Black President (Some are even planning on throwing him a white sheet party…how cordial). My point, however sarcastically I have chosen to make it, is that we all know how historic the change of power in our country’s Executive Branch is. He is still the President elect, no different that the previous 43 with the exception of his skin color. And yes, that is a big deal never having happened before, I agree with that. But, it’s ‘happened before’, so we can knock it off already. Do we really need to delve into his first everything? Treat him like the man he is, the freaking President-elect and stop placating to the ignorant dumbasses that pay attention only to the fact that he is “black”. Who gives a shit anymore? We’re treating the guy like he doesn’t know where he is headed or what he getting to, like he is straight from Cabrini Greens and headed to the ‘House for his attempt to sell bling and Courvasier out of a black overcoat.

So…stop it media. You’ve gone overboard with this now. Time to move on and pay attention to the real important things you always cover with the highest of integrity in this nation, like…

Who is Paris’ BFF? No…who will win Dancing With The Stars? And is Angelina Jolie really pregnant again? Good Lord, what…she was freshly stitched and Brad Pitt had to pump that clam for a ride already? Slow down, Bennetton ad.

Tired of the coverage already or no?