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Nov
07

How to pick up a stripper without spending money on her

By: Bobby Finstock on 11/7/08 @ 9:08 am

Before I launch into my little story I need to give some background. I am a reality show addict; next to SNL there is no better show type of show to watch with a TIVO. You can skip through anything you think is going to be uninteresting, which is usually 85% of the show, and focus on the good stuff. (The fighting, bickering, and all trashiness.) This process usually leaves you with 10 minutes of the show to watch. Ten minutes of pure, unadulterated guilty pleasure.

One of the shows I TIVO is “The Pickup Artist” on VH-1. Basically the show takes a lot of guys that have no ability to pick up women and have them trained by Mystery and his team of international pick up artists. Mystery is a former geek that has no ability to dress himself and has developed a “system” to pick up women. His “system” (which he charges thousands of dollars to teach people in real life) breaks down thing to the minutest details and totally overanalyzes everything. I get a kick out of the “science” of all of this and how utterly stupid it all sounds. Instead of having a conversation with someone it is called opening “a set” where you drop horrible conversation starters. Then you try and get all these interest indicators to tell you when to make the next move.

I find it all laughable because I don’t think I have ever spent more than 2 minutes of my life figuring out a “strategy” on how to pick up a woman. In reality the secrets to picking up women are simple:

1) Have some sort of a personality
2) Be able to hold an entertaining conversation
3) If you can’t fulfill 1 and 2… be really hot

However there was ONE lesson that I have learned from the show was from last season when the contestants went to a strip club. One of the tips that Mystery gave them was to tell the dancers that they (the geeks) usually date strippers. Logically this makes sense because the issue of jealousy in a relationship with an exotic dancer is huge. If you have been in a relationship with one before you understand all of that. Also if you date on of “the girls of the pole” you aren’t going to be trying to pull them out of the bar like every other drunk douche in the place.

I decided to try this while in NYC when I was drunk and sitting at the strip club where nasty Eastern European ladies were insulting me. Honestly I never thought I would pick up a girl where my opening line was, “Holy crap my nipples look exactly like that.”

Our conversation started with that and then I launched into the, “I was here on business and I love coming to these places to people watch” talk. Then I went on to talk about how I used to date a dancer in LA and love the fact that this was a giant sociology experiment. (which was a total lie) She warmed right and started exchanging stories with me. We talked about the difficulties of being in a relationship with dancers (mostly trust issues) and how dating a stripper is actually less dangerous than dating a girl that worked in an office. There is no chance that she is going to be sleeping with her customers. Versus a girlfriend in an office goes out to drinks with coworkers, etc, there is more risk of that girl meeting someone.

We ended up placing a bet that when she went on stage to do her dance that a flock of girls would come over to me because they saw us talking for so long. We set the over under at 5. I took the under and she hit the stage. After being approached by three girls she came back and owed me a drink. I told her that I would take her number instead and that I come into NY every week and would be moving there at some point.  She said she isn’t supposed to give out her number and I had to move to block the view of the club owner. I got her digits and she told me that the next time I came into the city to call her and she will rearrange her schedule to go out with me.

Of course it has been over a week since I got her number and I haven’t called. I don’t think I can date a stripper.

Have you ever sold yourself on a lie and then balked even when you got the outcome you wanted?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

24 Responses to “How to pick up a stripper without spending money on her”

  1. Mark says:

    NICE! I haven’t sold myself on a lie (unless you probably ask my wife knowing her). I don’t know if I could date a stripper but hey getting the digits is pretty dang impressive.

  2. Chris says:

    I think you should definetly call her, it sounds like you got yourself a keeper there.

  3. Meghan says:

    Don’t be afraid…She’s just a wholesome gal working her way through college. Not your type?

  4. kate says:

    strippers need love too

  5. Chris says:

    Trying to trick people into visiting your porn site?

    • Chris says:

      Goddamn this blackberry. That was supposed to be commented on Mark’s comment. Makes no sense here at the bottom.

  6. Vince says:

    I say call her, I mean besides possibly getting an STD the worst that can really happen is you have stripper glitter on you all the time.

  7. Thomas says:

    I’m proud that I don’t need to lie. I just have a job that sounds ten times more impressive than it is. Telling strippers that you work in the movie business makes a pretty big inroad.

    Of course, I recently made a movie that takes place almost entirely in strip clubs and, after spending fourteen hours a day in one for three weeks, I’ve lost my urge to ever go back.

  8. StewartAllyn says:

    Sometimes there is more fun in the chase game than drinking from the victory cup. (interpret with any sexual inuendo’s you wnat).

  9. Gina says:

    WHY wouldn’t you call? STRIPPERS DO DIRTY DIRTY THINGS!

  10. PsYcHo BiTcH says:

    JESUS CHRIST, KEVIN. YOU KINDA SUCK AT THE GAME BECAUSE YOU HOLD BACK. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

    DUDE! STRIPPER PUSSY CAN LAND YOU EVEN MORE STRIPPER PUSSY AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!

    WHY EVEN GO AS FAR AS CALLING IT A “DATE.” JUST USE HER FOR SEX AND LOTS OF SEX AND THEN MORE SEX.

    LET’S BE HONEST HERE, HEHE, YOU’VE ALREADY SEEN HER NAKED. DO YOU THINK IT WILL TAKE MUCH TO GET SOME NOOKY?

    NOW ON THE OTHER HAND…IF YOU SERIOUSLY FELT A “CONNECTION” WITH THIS FINE, HARD-WORKING, SWEET GIRL AND DON’T WANT TO CALL HER FOR JUST SEX…

    YOU MY, DEAR…HAVE GOTTEN DESPERATE.

  11. Katie says:

    I thought I was the only other person that has ever seen this show. I love it that the “experts” on that show are all ugly and have no personality. It’s horrible.

  12. Atenea says:

    I’ve seen that show once, and laughed at how horrible this Mystery guy dresses. He looks like a pixie. And it’s all so serious! But hey, whatever works.

  13. Jeff says:

    A friend of mine and I convinced two girls in a bar one night that we were “horse brokers” — that we basically brokered deals between horse stables and wealthy businessmen who wished to purchase thoroughbreds. Yeah, it worked.

  14. PaulsBalls says:

    Like all women, picking up strippers is a numbers game. Be funny, safe, and do not be weird or possessive. Many strippers are smart women that all deserve respect. Collect several numbers and never fret over one number. All I’ve ever done was buy strippers drinks and talk, never buy table dances. I’ve taken many strippers out and the best thing about having a knockout with you is that it helps you to pick up regular women.

    I’m 44 years old and barely a 6.5 on the attractive scale, maybe less. Sure I’ll take them out for food or drinks, but don’t buy them anything else, and never buy gifts.

  15. OM says:

    I get my reality show fix by watching The Soup.

    Apart from Beauty and the Geek, which is AWESOME enough to deserve all-capitals.

  16. Carolyn says:

    Wait, you got a stripper’s number and you aren’t calling her.
    Are you feeling alright?!

    Oh, and that PaulsBalls guy sounds hilarious… and way too serious.

  17. Sean says:

    No need to call her. It was the pursuit that you were in it for. You chased it and you caught it. Anything from here might be a letdown.
    Or, you can do what PaulsBalls recommends. That also makes sense!

  18. Steve says:

    I’ve dated a stripper. The jealousy isn’t worth it guys, but if you want to take her home eventually and give her some sex all the power to ya!! :0)

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