Before I launch into my little story I need to give some background. I am a reality show addict; next to SNL there is no better show type of show to watch with a TIVO. You can skip through anything you think is going to be uninteresting, which is usually 85% of the show, and focus on the good stuff. (The fighting, bickering, and all trashiness.) This process usually leaves you with 10 minutes of the show to watch. Ten minutes of pure, unadulterated guilty pleasure.
One of the shows I TIVO is “The Pickup Artist” on VH-1. Basically the show takes a lot of guys that have no ability to pick up women and have them trained by Mystery and his team of international pick up artists. Mystery is a former geek that has no ability to dress himself and has developed a “system” to pick up women. His “system” (which he charges thousands of dollars to teach people in real life) breaks down thing to the minutest details and totally overanalyzes everything. I get a kick out of the “science” of all of this and how utterly stupid it all sounds. Instead of having a conversation with someone it is called opening “a set” where you drop horrible conversation starters. Then you try and get all these interest indicators to tell you when to make the next move.
I find it all laughable because I don’t think I have ever spent more than 2 minutes of my life figuring out a “strategy” on how to pick up a woman. In reality the secrets to picking up women are simple:
1) Have some sort of a personality
2) Be able to hold an entertaining conversation
3) If you can’t fulfill 1 and 2… be really hot
However there was ONE lesson that I have learned from the show was from last season when the contestants went to a strip club. One of the tips that Mystery gave them was to tell the dancers that they (the geeks) usually date strippers. Logically this makes sense because the issue of jealousy in a relationship with an exotic dancer is huge. If you have been in a relationship with one before you understand all of that. Also if you date on of “the girls of the pole” you aren’t going to be trying to pull them out of the bar like every other drunk douche in the place.
I decided to try this while in NYC when I was drunk and sitting at the strip club where nasty Eastern European ladies were insulting me. Honestly I never thought I would pick up a girl where my opening line was, “Holy crap my nipples look exactly like that.”
Our conversation started with that and then I launched into the, “I was here on business and I love coming to these places to people watch” talk. Then I went on to talk about how I used to date a dancer in LA and love the fact that this was a giant sociology experiment. (which was a total lie) She warmed right and started exchanging stories with me. We talked about the difficulties of being in a relationship with dancers (mostly trust issues) and how dating a stripper is actually less dangerous than dating a girl that worked in an office. There is no chance that she is going to be sleeping with her customers. Versus a girlfriend in an office goes out to drinks with coworkers, etc, there is more risk of that girl meeting someone.
We ended up placing a bet that when she went on stage to do her dance that a flock of girls would come over to me because they saw us talking for so long. We set the over under at 5. I took the under and she hit the stage. After being approached by three girls she came back and owed me a drink. I told her that I would take her number instead and that I come into NY every week and would be moving there at some point. She said she isn’t supposed to give out her number and I had to move to block the view of the club owner. I got her digits and she told me that the next time I came into the city to call her and she will rearrange her schedule to go out with me.
Of course it has been over a week since I got her number and I haven’t called. I don’t think I can date a stripper.
Have you ever sold yourself on a lie and then balked even when you got the outcome you wanted?