"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."


Is there something I am supposed to do today?

By: Bobby Finstock on 11/4/08 @ 8:00 am

I’ve decided to avoid everything on the internet today (except for my blog), television, the radio, and newspapers. I just wanted to see if I could do it. But for some reason I have a nagging feeling that there is something I am supposed to do today.  Eh… anyway.

I know everyone is sick about hearing about the election and I said I wasn’t going to do this but this election is too important to not support a candidate. Like I said yesterday this dude looks legit and I am writing him in for President.

Why you ask?
-He looks like Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Boogie Nights and Buffalo Bill had a kid together.
-He has a kick ass My Little Pony collection
-I want to know more about the dragon painting over his shoulder
-His healthcare policy would involve lollipops being used in a creepy way
-Is that a llama in his arms, an alpaca, what is it?
-He has to be smarter than Bush
-There is mullet growing potential here
-His energy policy would involve biofuels and corn oil that he regularly spreads on his meaty man nipples
-Anyone that has glasses that are at least ten years outdated means that they are too important and too busy to go out and get new glasses… Or totally poor.
-All sex crimes will be taken off the books, you know this guy has to pay for it.

I don’t think in my entire life I have been drawn to a picture like this before. I could sit here for hours and think of random things about this gentleman.
What do you think this guy’s back-story is?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

31 Responses to “Is there something I am supposed to do today?”

  1. cigar smoking, beer drinking lawyer says:

    Ok I am just a little creeped out. and the almost hidden fat guy nipple it just too much. However the the fact he has a beanie buddy bat kinda evens it out.

  2. jimmy w says:

    What about the skinned panther on his shelf? How many soft toys has he violated??

  3. JT says:

    William Shatner and Corky had a love child.

  4. I want to know who recommended his goggles for him.

  5. Mallory says:

    I would love to know if that is, in fact, his mothers basement.. Or do these type of people really make it on their own…

  6. David says:

    Nipple schmipple. Talk about a wardrobe malfunction!!

  7. AngieSS says:

    Erm, okay, I’m seriously starting to doubt your sanity. I know — strange that this is the first time, but I think that says more about how sick and twisted I am rather than how sane you are. Anyhowser, is he one of your matches on e-harmony or what?!!

    Seriously, it just creeps me out to see a grown man cuddle a stuffed animal. You just know he’s in is dirty, stained underwear, down in the basement, determining the best way to stalk his next victim!

  8. clientsideshow bob says:

    I imagine this is a Craig’s List stalker, posting the same ad fourteen times a day. Something like: “Like to cuddle, hit me up” with long descriptions about how he enjoys Beanie Babies, being fitted for a sadle, the best way to ease paddle pain, and where to find glasses like the cast of Revenge of the Nerds wore.

    Odd that you responded to his ad…

  9. Augusto says:

    I think there is only women’s underwear in his dresser drawer.

    I’m not sure if he bought them or stole them from laundromats.

    I am sure he didn’t steal them from the women he slept with.

  10. Meghan says:

    You had to post his picture twice? TWICE!? I think he sniffs things. Like his food, his fingers, my hair sitting next to me on the T.

    And he talks like Milton from Office Space…’The thing is, umm this is my alpaca and I,umm was told I don’t have to share him.’

    Either that or he sounds like the yeti in the old Bugs Bunny Cartoon. ‘I will name him George and I will hug him and squeeze him!’

  11. Em Em says:

    Man, that horrible painting is a screen saver. And his Dwight Schrute-like glasses shouldn’t be offered in stores anymore. They just shouldn’t.

  12. Meghan says:

    I can’t believe I came BACK to look at this guys face…I’m getting a wrinkle from scrunching up my own face trying to figure him out. Bastard.

  13. Brandi Shae says:

    He reminds me of Dwight on The Office.

  14. Christine says:

    I’d hit that.

    (……running to the bathroom to throw up)

  15. Melissa says:

    THere were people so devoted to the “anti-evil” here that instead of giving crap out at home they walked up and down the streets handing it to kids. In one way it was smart, most youngsters don’t know whose house to hit for the irritation. On the other, stupid, because people like me enjoy calling the police and report them. Gated community. First time I ever thought it rocked to have all the “no trespassing” signs everywhere.

  16. Alyssa says:

    I’d totally let him dungeon my dragons.

  17. Manda says:

    Sweet Jesus! I’m torn between wanting to stare at it and wanting to slam the monitor shut and never look back.

    What do you suppose he thinks about while caressing his llama?

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