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When a stripper calls you a gay liar is that rock bottom?

By: Bobby Finstock on 10/29/08 @ 8:38 am

All work and no play makes Bobby Finstock a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Bobby Finstock a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Bobby Finstock a dull boy.

To say I have been working a lot lately is an understatement. My seven day, 80 hour workweek created a mental buildup that boiled over on Monday night. After meeting a friend in NYC for dinner after a day of  6 mind numbing meetings I let loose a bit.  I had a few beers and I decided that I needed to keep the drinking going. I wanted to watch football and baseball while seeing exposed breasts and paying three times more than I should for a drink. ($12 for a Heineken isn’t as depressing as it sounds.)  So I went to a strip club… Classy I know.

I have a simple rule of thumb when I go to strip club. This is called “the stripper law”. If the stripper isn’t hotter than a girl I could pick up in a bar then I refuse to give her money. This also goes hand in hand with the “kid law”, if a stripper mentions that she has a kid I doubly refuse to give her money because at that point she has ruined my experience. Personally I think these are good rules of thumb to live by along with “he who smelt it dealt it”.

On Monday night I was tested. Being a well-dressed guy sitting alone in a strip club watching a sporting event is like being a surfer and bleeding in shark infested waters.  I think I could make it through one batter before another girl was appearing out of nowhere and sitting on my lap. I turned down the Asian girl with the yellow teeth, the Jersey girl that looked like a plastic dancer from the Bada Bing, and the over aggressive Eastern European girls that sounded like Zsa Zsa Gabor.

"Thank you for keeping me around with a totally outdated reference."

"Thank you for keeping me around with a totally outdated reference."

Of course when I turn down lap dances I am not a dick about it. I usually tell them that I will get a dance later or that I just got there or that I am about to go to the restroom. That is the nicer than saying, “you repulse me and I do not want my penis climbing back into my lower abdomen and hiding.” Never in my life have I had a problem with it until Monday when I got into a fight an Eastern European girl.

A tall lanky girl trying to look like a model out of the 1920s with too much red lipstick came over. She had a massive mole on her shoulder that I couldn’t stop staring at. As she sat on my lap and cooed in my ear that she would give me a great dance I shook my head and said that,  “I had just arrived and wanted to have a beer or two. But I would be there all night and would love to get a dance from her later.”

She sprung to her feet giving me a look of utter disdain and called me a liar. That kind of stunned me and in my drunken mindset I felt like I needed to defend myself. I told her that I wasn’t lying and I wanted to watch some of the World Series. She replied by saying, “You could stay at home and watch the World Series, I bet that you don’t like girls you fag.” She then stormed off to a group of men next to me. Nice sales skills.

I had to do something, I couldn’t let this happen and not get some sort of revenge. But what could I do that wouldn’t get me thrown out and beat up by the offensive sized lineman that the club call bouncers?  The next girl that came over I immediately showered with money and made sure the other girl saw it. Of course I had to shift into super dick mode and said loudly, “I’ve been waiting for a hot girl to come over. Your body is amazing, no giant moles or anything.”

REVENGE WAS MINE! Albeit in the lamest and most pointless form possible.  A piece of me secretly hoped that a tear rolled down her cheek and onto her massive mole when she gave her next lap dance. (I hope after she bilks a few guys out of money that she gets a biopsy on that thing.)

Of course this was just the start of my night… it only got better from there. I will reveal that tomorrow in a special guide in how to pick up a stripper without spending tons of money on her.

What is more insulting, getting told by a stripper I am gay or having her call me a liar?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

45 Responses to “When a stripper calls you a gay liar is that rock bottom?”

  1. Meghan says:

    Wow…making it rain in NYC.

  2. Charlotte says:

    Next time you tell this, make the mole look like Elvis (fat Elvis is always way better) with eyes that follow you no matter what pole position she’s in.

  3. David says:

    Maybe she meant the gay remark as a compliment considering how well dressed you were?

    Even as a master of rationalization, I can’t come up with a positive spin on being called a liar.

  4. clientsideshow bob says:

    And this entry makes three. Three blogs about being gay, or called gay, etc. What gives with you, Donkey and Matt?

    And for a funny stripper story, I went to a great place in Newark several years back for a bachelor party. A stripper was pushing us to do a $100 shower by rubbing up against the inebriated groom-to-be. But instead of harmless stripper fun, we were thrown out as she screamed about someone puking in her nether regions. Fun times.

  5. AngieSS says:

    Guys do that all the time when you don’t want to get down with them…”What are you lesbian?” I just had no idea that chics use that too! hehehe

    IMO Definitely worse to be called a liar! I’m glad you got even with the slag faced whore with the parasitic mole! But then again, I do tend to be a bit vindictive. :)

  6. Chris says:

    Lapdances are better when the stripper is crying?

  7. Em Em says:

    aw, a move that would have gotten you thrown out by giant bouncers could have been entertaining though. Like picking up the nearest sticklike object (pencil, chicken bone- whatever) and poking the mole and doing the “moley moley moley moley” thing, or telling her she was too fat for your taste and you were trying not to hurt her feelings and then calling her an endearing name like “porker” or “lard ass” (regardless of how thin a girl is, that will always piss her off).

  8. Isha says:

    Those Eastern European girls are overly aggressive. Which strip club did you go to?

  9. Trisha says:

    That was hilarious! I’m glad you got your revenge!

    Did you finish?

  10. You lost me at “well dressed guy”? Were you wearing your best tennis shoes that day? Maybe some Drakkar Noir?

    I guess when she called me gay I would have replied, “Nope, and after looking at that enormous mole, my penis is only for show now, so thanks.”

    • I had to say I was pretty GQ… apparently I can’t wear my normal shorts and a t-shirt when I am in meetings on Madison Avenue… that was a hard lesson to learn.

  11. Brandi Shae says:

    And that is exactly what Matt would have done.

  12. Arjewtino says:

    Being called gay by a stripper isn’t a big deal since you’re not gay.

    But being called a liar? That one hurts.

  13. PJ says:

    A stripper calling you a liar is akin to Hitler labeling someone else the antichrist.

  14. PitChik says:

    Since I have a skanky cousin that’s a stripper, I can say the liar part’s the worse. If you weren’t in NY I’d ask if it was my cousin that did that because that’s the type of thing she does. So I guess this is a warning not to go to most strip clubs in the Dallas, TX area as people like my cousin and Mole Stripper work there.

  15. Gloria Traveler says:

    One day being called gay will not be the big insult that it is today… but I imagine that is what bothers you the most because naturally, you were lying to her…albeit to save her feelings???

    Either way, throwing the mole out there again was great revenge.

  16. PsYcHo BiTcH says:






  17. pie says:

    lol. that was wickedly funny. :)

  18. Jeff says:

    Being called a liar by a stripper is like being called a vapid, no-talent idiot by Paris Hilton.

  19. Carolyn says:

    Either way, your response is bloody priceless!
    Some days you’re my freakin’ hero.

    • Carolyn says:

      um, I think I meant idol*
      I’ve been awake too long. Cause I was out stripping. Did I mention I wear lots of lipstick and have a giant mole?

  20. Alexis says:

    Wow…. I’m pretty sure having a bad “day” goes with stripper territory.. but you have sunk to new lows with needing to payback her accusations. That’s like telling a cop “yeah, well I pay your salary”… just pathetic. Funny, but pathetic.
    On the flip side, you’re not gay (usually not gay in a strip club), but don’t act like an ass clown when strippers get uppity. She’s watching her 401k tank too!

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