How the Movie Airplane! Almost Made Me Have to Cut a Couple Bitches
The other day I was sitting in Starbucks, sipping a coffee and reading a collection of John Updike short stories (God I wish that was a joke but nope – I really am that boring) when I tuned into these two teenage girls who were talking about movies. As I listened, I gradually realized that the one girl was describing the movie Airplane! to her friend.
Ahhh, a simpler time, when it was OK to make fun of the gays.
It was actually pretty cute to see the movie through the eyes of someone who wasn’t even born when it first came out. It was also refreshing and nice to hear that apparently the movie holds up well, because this girl thought it was hilarious. I sat there smiling as I heard her describe some classic scenes: the jive-talking bruthas, the hysterical lady getting pummelled, the sick lady puking up eggs. It was clear her latte-pounding friend just didn’t get it though…and I nearly choked on my pumpkin scone as the first girl uttered what amounted to sheer blasphemy in a last ditch effort to describe it to her friend:
“It was like that generation’s Epic Movie.”
WHAT?! WHAT?! I have made my disdain for Jason Friedberg’s “movies” well known, so perhaps I’m not the most fair and balanced person on this topic, but are you fuckin kidding me? Saying Airplane! is our generation’s Epic Movie is like saying that The Godfather was that generation’s Get Rich or Die Tryin, or that Citizen Kane was that generation’s Glitter. I mean am I crazy here?
“Psst…I’m fully aroused.”
It was all I could do to stop myself from ordering a Venti extra-hot non-fat double-shot no-whip Vanilla Latte and throwing it in her face. Luckily they soon left, but it was too late: I was so worked up that I was unable even to appreciate Updike’s sly symbolism and keen take on marital dysfunction in the 1960s. Fuckin whores.
Airplane is hilarious, and is for my generation (Gen X) one of the movies that I compare all other slapstick films to. Epic movie was a steaming pile of dog dung, to be polite, and is not even in the same league as Airplane.
Where else can we see the true power of our words thrown back at us with careless abandon? “A hospital? What is it?” “It’s a building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”
Or ordering light onto the landing strip and a dumptruck empties a ton of lamps. Pure fun.
I think Epic Movie, and its ilk, are just a ploy by Carmen Electra to keep getting work.
Well, in that case they seem to be working quite well for her.
My favorite line from those movies
“Tell me everything that has happened until now.”
‘Well first the earth cooled, and then the dinosaurs came [...]‘
“Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit Methanphetamines.”
Isn’t it possible she meant epic as in the ultimate and not necessarily referring to the literal “Epic Movie”
It makes more sense that someone who appreciated Airplane wouldn’t be comparing it to that other mindless drivel as an equal.
Sigh, I wish that was the case, but alas she meant Epic Movie. After seeing Airplane!, how could you even compare the two? Wouldn’t you want to immediately scrub the portion of your brain on which Epic Movie was stored?
I wouldn’t put Airplane in the same league as the Godfather, but it is certainly leagues above the Epic Movies series.
Surely, you must be joking.
There is no comparing Airplane to anything.
And yes, I called you Shirley.
There’s a sale at Penny’s!
Chump don’t want the help, Chump don’t get the help
Are you f*king kidding me? And no, you are not crazy — well, at least not in this situation.
They should no longer be aloud to see any movie that pre-dates 1990. They apparently don’t have the class or intelligence to appreciate a true classic.
Seriously, I can’t believe you didn’t take the time to throw a “Venti extra-hot non-fat double-shot no-whip Vanilla Latte ” in her face. You could have told her it was just like getting splashed with “water”!
I’m glad you clarified your comment, because I am indeed crazy in many ways
You were way too kind Donk. A verbal beat down is absolutely necessary in these situations. I’m blaming your mercy on the pumpkin scone. Curse you, scone! Curse you!
you’re right. It was the goddamn frosting.
I feel your pain. I remember when P. Diddy used Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir” for his crappy-ass contribution to another steaming pile of dog dung, Godzilla. Drove me nuts when the actual Led Zeppelin song would come on and I would hear someone say “Oh it’s that Puff Daddy song!”
Morons.
OMG, that was the worst. It was as if he wrote the lyrics on a napkin while taking a shit at the studio. sacrilege.
Just as bad? Roger Waters doing a “new version” of Comfortably Numb for The Departed. Bad enough I had to watch Leonerdo DiCrappio in a movie that was pretty kick ass but to hear that song butchered by its original writer and singer? Hell. Sheer hell.
Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a terradactyl…
She needed a venti extra hot to the face. Here’s your Epic Movie, biatch.
Yeah, that called for a table flipping.
…
Wow. Youth is wasted on the young.
“Cream or sugar?”
“No thanks. I take it black … like my men.”
best line in the movie
There is no hope for this generation……
“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”
DONKEY…YOU DRINK AT STARBUCKS. NUFF SAID.
BLOG ON, BROTHA!
YOU’RE MY NEW HERO!