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We Should Expect More Out of Our Beauty Queens

By: Bobby Finstock on 10/26/08 @ 12:57 pm

While I think I have slightly progressive views when it comes to a lot of things one belief that I don’t want to challenge or change is one that deals with beauty queens. Beauty queens need to be on a totally unreachable level of perfection that can only be obtained by scotch taping your breasts and putting Vaseline on your teeth. What has happened in this country to degrade the status of beauty queens so much?

First it was the Vanessa Williams Penthouse scandal, and then we had acts of bribery, sex scandals, and other breakdowns in morals. Then this video surfaced and we have this obscene notion that beauty pageant contestants are partially retarded.

I thought the nail in the coffin to the greatness of beauty queens was when Sarah Palin was nominated to be the running mate for John McCain and was destroyed by the press. But it turns out it wasn’t as bad as Miss Teen Louisiana getting arrested for a failed dine and ditch because she left her purse behind in the restaurant she was skipping out on. Not only did her dumb ass leave the purse behind but she also had some weed in there. Whoops…

At least good old Lindsey made sure to smile properly and pose for her mug shot. Not forgetting her years of training, she was a trooper and probably did her overbearing mother proud. (And probably her sexually ambiguous male coach.)

What happened to the Southern Belle that was disgustingly good looking and wanted to bring about world peace? You know the girl that could twirl a baton and then make you believe that she really loved animals? Is that era over?

I guess we are going to have to just lower our standards and chase after girls in the Suicide Girl mode… Maybe it is about time. Our hopes won’t be dashed when they get caught with weed and we secretly hope for a sex scandal.

Now who wants cupcakes?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

20 Responses to “We Should Expect More Out of Our Beauty Queens”

  1. Karl Rove says:

    I want cupcakes!

  2. Marcie says:

    haha I model, but I’m no beauty queen, I dont tape my breast up and if i ever tried to become Miss NH I wouldnt say “world peace” as something its so over rated…

    by the way…I like cupcakes ;)

  3. Meghan says:

    There’s one cupcake missing…and it didn’t do anything to anyone to catch the clap from a bakery fresh fisting.

  4. Matt E. Warren says:

    Miss Teen Louisiana looks pretty damn good for her mug shot. She has some perky ta-ta’s too. She gets a 1 for intelligence, but if she’ll volunteer to let me do to her what your bakers are doing in that other picture, well, I suppose I could let that slide.

    Let me re-state. I want to be the FISTER not the fistee. I could see some Sunday confusion with that one.

  5. starcasm says:

    Maybe Miss Louisiana can grow up to be a VP candidate. It’s still in the cards for her. Keep the dream alive.

  6. OM says:

    Don’t get me wrong, I love cupcakes. But the poor girl does look great in her mugshot, so–respect. (best mugshot since Tom Delay).

  7. piebuko says:

    lol. great mug shot!

  8. Taylor Blue says:

    That arm sleeve is hot.. but not as hot as mine!!! :) Mine was just finished two weeks agO!

  9. judge smails says:

    Matt E. Warren: Use about 85 less words when making a point…. might get your words a little twisted…. terrible

  10. PsYcHo BiTcH says:



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