"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."


Pizza Hut is run by liars and their food is crap

By: Bobby Finstock on 10/21/08 @ 8:41 pm

Never have I had my intelligence or the small amount of intelligence that I have, insulted than when I watch the new Pizza Hut commercials promoting their new line of pastas. For those without a television or for those who live in a different country, blessed by the fact you lack this shithole of an eating establishment, let me explain the commercial for you. The commercial starts out hidden camera style at a high class Italian restaurant with people chowing down on a pasta meal and saying how great it is. The viewers and the patrons of the restaurant are then told that they aren’t eating from the actual restaurant that the pasta is actually delivered from Pizza Hut. Of course the customers are shocked and amazed at the quality of the Pizza Hut food. It sounds pretty harmless but it is utter and complete bullshit, let me explain why.

1)      If I went to an Italian restaurant and they only offered four pastas on the menu I would burn the place to the ground

I know some fine restaurants offer a really limited menu because everything is completely fresh or for eclectic reason. However an upper end place shoveling out just pasta isn’t realistic. If I went out to a nice dinner and only had four options to choose from and they were all pasta dishes I could make at home I would bitch beyond belief. Yet in the commercial the restaurant is full and everyone is eating. You don’t see a guy sitting there shaking his head, looking over the menu and saying, “Really, I got dressed up to eat out for this? I could have made this shit out of a can.”

2)      Macaroni and cheese with bacon in it would never be served in an Italian restaurant

One of the four dishes that Pizza Hut sells is Mac and Cheese with bacon in it. Who in their right mind would see that on a menu and think they are in a high class restaurant? How come no Mac and Cheese with hot dogs cut up in it? Italian food already has Macaroni and Cheese, it is called Fettuccini Alfredo and I have never seen bacon bits dropped in it.

I can’t wait to go out to a nice steak restaurant and get a hot pocket.

3)      Nobody got upset when they found out it was Pizza Hut

Imagine you are taking out your fiancé to a nice dinner for an anniversary or for her birthday. You order a nice bottle of wine, you order your food, and you talk about the great service. Then you find out that the food is from Pizza Hut. Your night with her is ruined and your anniversary is forever marred. Any woman worth her salt would absolutely flip out, perhaps grabbing the cook and holding a knife to his jugular and demanding something with “some fucking truffles in it”.

What commercial has told you the biggest lie?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

52 Responses to “Pizza Hut is run by liars and their food is crap”

  1. Bhudduh says:

    Wait, you mean to tell me I’m not the only one bothered by this commercial?

  2. Julia says:

    If you serve it right everything can be presented as high class food! Pizza Hut is stupid.

  3. Meghan says:

    But the bacon grease adds a whole other rich and decadent layer?!?! What?

    Please don’t PUNK me with Pizza Hut food, I have things to do and can’t afford the G.I. poisoning.

  4. Matt E. Warren says:

    Well, in PIzza Sluts defense, not much makes it into a 60 second spot. I am positive that some people were pissed, just edited out of the final cut.

    I am more offended by the Pizzone commercials, actually. That thing on the commercial is huge, but in reality, it is the size of my left nut, and I don’t have any elephantitis as far as I know.

    • Bhudduh says:

      I think Pizza Hut just writes off the smaller size to better quality.

      Besides, haven’t you read the very fine print in the commercials? And I quote “Pizza Hut reserves the right to flat out lie about any and all of our produts depicted in this commercial. This includes any comments made about taste, color, weight, sex, and STD status of our products.”

  5. Wonder Bitch! says:

    On that last point, you are spot on.

    Just remember that Italians do have a Pasta a la Carbonara, which is in essence pasta (mac) & Parmesan cream sauce (cheese) with bacon bits on on it. Pancetta is just a fancy (read Italian) word for bacon.

  6. Serenity says:

    I’m sure the people in that commercial were invited to a free dinner, telling them that they were trying out the new menu at a new restaurant. With cameras rolling, no one talks about how shitty it tastes, I guarantee it.

    The commercial with the BIGGEST lie? That would be the one that says “Have a happy period!” BULL * SHIT !!

    The only happy period I’ve ever had is when I was late and it finally started. And even then it was more “relieved” than “happy”.

  7. I’ve noticed Pizza Hut is diversifying. That’s what happens when you can’t make pizza. Why is it even called Pizza Hut anymore? Why not Pasta, Wings and Things (er, occasionally pizza)?

    That mac and cheese with the bacon looks almost as appetizing as KFC’s bowl of crap (sorry, I can’t remember the real name because it grossed me out so much).

  8. Chris In Canada says:

    The Pizza Hut in my hometown has dropped rock bottom over the past few years; I won’t eat the stuff.

    TRIVIA: guess which company made dough for McPizza’s? (hint: they are run by liars and their food is crap)

  9. Katie says:

    I had this exact same argument when I first saw the commercial!

  10. PsYcHo BiTcH says:








    • Idiom Definitions for ‘Worth your salt’
      Someone who is worth their salt deserves respect.

    • Brandon says:

      “Worth his/her salt.” comes from the Romans paying their soldiers in salt. It means, quite obviously, that the person was worthy of their pay.
      And women are salty, as a result of the aforementioned dried blood.

  11. Being “worth your salt” is precisely the point. People go to Pizza Hut because most U.S. Americans are underweight and have extremely low blood pressure. They need to boost their sodium intake dramatically, and one of the best ways to consume massive amounts of salt is to eat at Pizza Hut.

  12. Vince says:

    I hate all McDonald’s commercials, especially the one for their new chicken sandwhich which shows a bunch of skinny people proclaiming their love for the sandwich. It bugs me because they all look like people who haven’t touched a McDonalds sandwich since they were a kid and are now vegitarians.

    Fucking McDonalds.

  13. sarah says:

    i dunno. im actually pretty ok with paying a ton of money in a high class atmosphere to eat mac & cheese with bacon. thats maybe my idea of the perfect date in fact.

  14. Sophie says:

    Here in the UK they’ve actually gone and changed the name to Pasta Hut. Our advert, I think, is much more painful to watch than yours.

  15. Em Em says:

    I actually tried their pasta once (don’t persecute me, I’m pregnant and I wanted pasta that I didn’t have to make and I didn’t feel like getting going out). It’s pretty bad- tasted like the box it came in- so I am doubly outraged by the commercials. From now on if I want fake shitty pasta I’ll just eat Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

    Biggest commercial lie I’ve been told probably comes from the penis pills. I planted like eight of them in the backyard and do you know not nary a penis has grown?

  16. E says:

    I don’t like the Carl’s Jr. ripoff ones where they trick the people into thinking they’re eating a “gourmet” burger, and it’s a Carl’s Jr. “six dollar burger.” I could go to a sports bar and have a pretty decent burger for six dollars. It’s a fucking hamburger. Nothing gourmet about it. And I don’t think hamburgers SHOULD be gourmet. Once you start getting into specialty breads, sauces, meats, and condiments, you’ve gone outside the realm of “hamburger.” I contend that anything outside the circle of a standard ham or cheese burger should be called something else, like “designer beef sandwich.”

    • Jeff says:

      It is settled — “Designer Beef Sandwich” will be the name of my band, once I learn to play an instrument and find several other people who can also play instruments.

    • Mark says:

      I think you missed the point of the CJ commericals. Carl Jrs’ 6-dollar-burger is sold for less that $6. They’re saying that the burger they’re selling is as good as one you can get for 6 bucks elsewhere. Never used the word “gourmet”, although it’s all relative — the CJ burgers are pretty gourmet compared to McD.

  17. Burtalson says:

    The uk ad is worse, but we have different pasta choices than you guys. I compared the choices on the US and UK websites and the American stuff looks disgusting, like pig slop, whereas they seem to have made an effort with the British offerings.

    • Well I mean in comparison with other British food there is nowhere to go but up.

      • Burtalson says:

        Oh my, if you are American then you have truly satisfied my daily RDA of humour.

        At least we don’t sit around troughs full of HFCS and lard all day like you fat bastards. When even the shittest chain restaurant realises that even frozen pizzas are too classy, and that that the only way to lure all the fat cunts in is a greasy pile of fake cheese and bacon, then your nation’s diet is as fucked as it’s sense of morality and decency.

        I’m glad to see your country being knocked onto it’s flabby, fat, useless arse at last.

  18. Robot rooster says:


  19. Gail says:

    sooo. i used to work at a pizza hut. in my late teen early 20’s when i was in college. and yes it is crap. and ill tell you all about it.

    pizza mia pizzas are pre-made frozen pizzas.
    p-zones are medium pizzas folded in half(fucking duh)
    everything goes thru the oven——everything.

    worst part of pizza hut…….service.

    i was honestly a part of the problem because i wasnt being paid enough to give a crap. so it was really fun to get trashed before work, but i have to say. at least its just pot heads and not tweekers like perkins.

  20. Stephanie says:

    Any commercial with Billy Mays in it is a lie.

  21. Gerry says:

    Just an observation!, how many Pitza Huts do you see in Italy?,
    I have been on holiday a few times to Italy staying in
    Genoa, Trieste, Bologna,Palermo,Catania and I cannot remember
    one Pitza Hut……long may it continue!!!

  22. Fabio Ferrari says:

    How many Chicken Parmesans (Pollo alla Parmigiana) are served in Italy on any given day? Zero. Can you find me the Alfredo Sauce listed anywhere? And not just on Italy’s restaurants’ menus–ANYWHERE! Macaroni & Cheese? Yeah right, and since we’re at it, how about getting that damn spelling right for once! It’s MACCHERONI!!! (yes, I’m gesticulating). To the blaspheme who equate the diabolic M&C to the divine Pasta alla Carbonara, do you also equate IKEA’s prints to an authentic Miro, Cezanne, Van Gogh or Caravaggio? I’m sure there’s a “girone” somewhere in Dante’s Inferno just for your kind. Oh, wait, that’s Pizza Hut! Justice is done!

  23. W0LF says:

    Seriously? You guys imagine there’s someone in a candid-camera commercial that isn’t a paid actor? The best thing about having taped thousands of hours of TV in the 80’s is watching old commercials of “unscripted testimonials” or blind taste tests and noticing that some of the participants are now on major network shows.

  24. Gus Z says:

    Did the author of this little rant even bother to watch the commercial more than once before commenting? They say it’s a free taste test. So there go point 1 and 3. And yes, bacon is an ingredient in some genuine Italian pasta dishes, so there goes the whole point of your idiotic rant. Honestly folks, have an independent thought instead of listening to baboons like this idiot rant about things they know nothing about.

  25. CupcakeSpecial says:

    the shit is just straight grease. made me sick every time my friend would get it and i was hungry. =\

© 2008 Pointless Banter - All Rights Reserved || Designed: E.Webscapes || Social Media Consulting: Comedy Central Sound