Oh you are a complete train wreck? We should totally date.
I don’t want to get all sappy here in the introduction to this blog but maybe it will get me some sympathy poon. (Of course using the word poon negates the chances of me getting any.) When I found out I was moving to NYC because of my new venture I broke up with the GF. I didn’t want to lead her on or carry on a relationship that I knew pretty much had a shelf live because I was leaving. Well of course the move keeps getting pushed back while things get hatched out and it has left me in this funk of uncertainty. The one think that sucks about this is that I can’t really date; I can’t really meet anyone because I know I am leaving, so it is a tad lonely. Not in a pitiful or depressing sort of way. It is more like in a spinning my wheels waiting for the next phase of my life to start kind of way which is really kind of boring.
Having this time to pick my ass has allowed me to think about a few things. (Of course getting bored and watching “Waitress” on HBO might have spurred this on… And to make it even more gay I watch “Atonement” after that.) I looked at the girls I have dated over the course of ten years and realized, I really like girls that are total and complete train wrecks. (At a ratio of 8 out of 10 at least, although the last one wasn’t a wreck at all so maybe I am getting better at this.) Girls that have daddy issues, girls that come from fucked up families, they may be recovering from a horrible relationship, or girls that have some major thing that they need help with. Now mind you the level of fucked up varies from slightly to really horribly bad.
In thinking about this I have decided that the only way to cure myself of this is to make sure my next girlfriend is a crack head prostitute that was beaten heavily by her father, dropped out of school, and may or may not have murdered someone and gotten away with it. I need the ultimate reclamation project to make me realize that maybe I need to wise up and make some better choices. That it is okay to date a girl that has her shit together and doesn’t need to be rescued by me.
It would be great if on the first date I showed her my scar from when I hurt my knee as a kid and she showed me her latest track mark. Then maybe if she feels comfortable she will show me her deviated septum after a few drinks. And if I get really lucky I could sleep over in her abandoned station wagon on the outskirts of the docks. Perhaps she will show me her knife collection and the rusty coffee can she defecates in.
We could take a midnight stroll where she points out historic places from her life. The first place she turned a trick, the dumpster she dumped her baby in during the prom, and where she scores her crack. It would beat me whipping out a photo album or a yearbook.
Actually the more I think about it the more I would probably elope.
Do you ever look back and just say “what the fuck was I thinking”?
(I am traveling for work today I will be on and off replying to comments.)
I look back and say ‘What the fuck was I thinking?’ every day when I click on your link.
And please kindly get out of my head about dating poor wounded birds. I thought I had cornered a market.
I should put that on my resume.
Oh, the Hills Bros shit can. Memories of loves lost. *sigh* She showed me her heroin spoon…
Tell me, why is it that when I see that “Waitress” pic, I get a little fluffed? Is it Keri Russell or it it all those warm pies?
Atonement…gay.
I made it through about 15 minutes of Atonement before I reconsidered my entire life.
That’s 12 minutes more than I handled it.
Kiera is in it though
Are your hormone levels a little off?
You almost sound like a grown up in this post, well apart from wanting to date a crack head prostitute.
I think I had my period.
I hope you nipples aren’t sore too.
your not you.
meh.
At what point do you think you’ll need to be checked for TB or get a shot of penicillin? My guess, just before she shows you here station wagon “home.”
And the pic of Whitney, priceless.
I probably should have been checked.
Musicians, ok not really… Drummers, in their 30s, that still live with mommy.
*sigh*
Pass the Midol and M&Ms please, ya big girl.
i have the same affliction, but i think ive dated mostly guitarists. only one drummer, biggest mistake of my life..he’s the only person in my life that i hate and feel like i can kill without blinking my eye.
Groupies
One time I went to the bathroom and was so drunk that I forgot to take my pants down.
Are we dating now?
Now??
How about now?
That’s funny. I almost peed.
One time, I went to the bathroom, except by “bathroom” I mean “behind a dumpster at the local middle school at 2am”, and I was so drunk that I squatted, got my pants down, and peed all over the back of them. Also, they were my sister’s pants. So technically, I peed my sister’s pants.
We should be friends.
I bring people that aren’t able to pee correctly together.
Just stop looking back! It’s making me dizzy.
Only look forward?
Out of the plethora of men that I’ve dated, I’ve only not regretted two. I dated a guy once who I believe was homeless. These are the reasons I am still single.
Only two? really?
I look back at my life everyday and ask “What the fuck was I thinking?” Everytime I date someone, I build them up and they become a better person, then we get into some dumb shit and they leave. Then when I find them again, they’re in a better position than me. WTF! It’s really lame. Next time I’m just gonna let them be bums. ::rolls eyes::
Bums rule
One day you’ll travel though my part of the country and I’ll buy you a meal, I swear you are like my long lost best friend.
The ONLY guy I dated that didn’t have issues is the one I married. The worst? He go a dishonorable discharge from the armed services for nearly beating a superior officer to death, tried to rape his best friends’ dates multiple times and nearly put my face through a wall when I said I was leaving him. Ah the memories.
Then there was the one who tried to get my attention by shooting at my bedroom window. A derranged way to get a woman to come out and talk don’t you think? He also left me “tokens of love” i.e. road kill strung through my parents trees and bushes.
The local cops asked me to just quit dating for good reason.
Maybe we can even paint each other’s toes
I’d rather take you to the range and shoot things
like pictures of the people that engendered this thread.
SO WAIT A SEC…ARE YOU ASKING FOR A BOX OF TISSUES AND A HAND JOB? I’M CONFUSED.
LOL.
BUTT PICKING IS THE SPICE OF LIFE, BUT NOT LIKE CINNAMON.
huh?
YOUR REACTION TO MY COMMENT IS QUITE NORMAL. I GET THIS A LOT.
“WHERE ARE YOU PUTTING THAT?” IS BETTER THAN “HUH?” IN MY BOOK.
EITHER WAY IT’S QUITE AMUSING.
NOW LET’S SEE…WHERE AM I GOING WITH ALL OF THIS? WHY DID I COME HERE? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
YEAH, I’M GOING TO GO FIND MYSELF AND PULL MYSELF TOWARDS MYSELF.
protip: You just go for the easy girls. Try a challenge for once.
Maybe next time you’re at the bar, instead of immediately heading for the blonde ex-sorority chick that’s so incredibly drunk there’s no way she’s waking up tomorrow, you can aim for the brunette sitting tall sipping a beer with the faint aura of self-respect surrounding her.
Oh fuck it. Just do what I do. Go for the 18-year-old baby’s-momma.
Are you kidding these girls are a challenge
Kevin, I would totally date you except for that whole living in another state business. But I’m too normal for you - my only problem is being on anti-depressants. That and my desire to feed grown-ass men like I’m their mom or something. But other than that…
Other than that you are spot on
and here she is
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/848306070.html
where do I sign up
I heard Britney’s available.
Can you hook a brother up?