I pick the sports I follow carefully. I refuse to get roped into what the latest fad is. When NASCAR became popular I recognized it for what it is, a bunch of rednecks driving around in a circle for people that have an IQ of a squeezable ketchup bottle and who find watching paint dry entertaining. I’m sorry but watching moving billboards chase each other with the potential of a horrible crash isn’t my idea of a good time.
The next big fad that has hit over the last few years is MMA short for Mixed Martial Arts. It is a combination of the grandeur of fake professional wrestling with the combat of multiple fighting disciplines like real wrestling (you know the sport where people get ringworm from unwashed mats and cauliflower ear), boxing (the most corrupt sport on the planet), and crazy ninja shit (I have nothing ill to say about crazy ninja shit).
A few of my friends are into MMA and I tried to watch a few of the PPVs with them. My friends talked up these cards as brutal fights, really enjoyable to watch and you have the added fun that you can gamble online. All it turned into were guys rolling around on the ground trying to work in a punch. It was really boring and pretty lame. Although it did get some bonus points because Joe Rogan is an announcer:
However I just couldn’t get into it. Plus when I looked at the fan base it just made me think of professional wrestling fans with a little more bloodlust. I don’t mean to judge but it didn’t seem like the most intelligent group on the planet. In fact it made Philadelphia Eagle’s fans seem like rocket scientists. You know the same group of guys that booed a potentially paralyzed player, chucked batteries at Santa Claus, and have a court room with a jail built into their stadium.
Last week I decided to give it another chance and watch a show on CBS on Saturday night. The company that was running the fight was basically a minor league company compared to the main company that puts these on, UFC. However this card offered up the internet fighting sensation Kimbo Slice. Known for videos on YouTube of him fighting in backyard brawls knocking the crap out of people and his history of working as a bodyguard for rappers and porn stars. Here is some of his work:
On the undercard of the fight was a women’s fight staring the infamous Gina Carano. Now I am all for women having the ability to have any job a man can have and doing anything that we do. But I have to say watching women fight, unless it is in a hair pulling catfight like way, is utterly disturbing. Even more so when one of them is good looking, it really is horrible to watch.
I have to say that I like my women fighters to look like men or Ellen DeGeneres.
Anyway, the time had come for the Kimbo Slice fight. His original opponent was a 44-year-old fighter named Ken Shamrock that used to be one of the toughest guys in UFC and went on to fake wrestle in the WWE. Shamrock hadn’t won a fight in something like six years and is considered washed up. Sadly instead of watching that would be bloodbath, Shamrock was not allowed to fight because he opened up a cut while training that morning that required medical attention. So it left the organization scrambling to fill that slot and found a guy named Seth Petruzelli who was scheduled to not even be on the show but on the undercard before the event went televised. Petruzelli ended up knocking out the internet sensation and what a lot of people were calling the toughest man on the planet in 14 seconds.
However that isn’t the best thing about it. On Seth’s MySpace page he says that he is a “goofy homo” and is a fan of the cock. (not that there is anything wrong with that) Here is a selection of pictures from his photo album:
The thing is there has been very little coverage of his sexuality because in this big tough world of fighting the last thing that these organizations want released to the public and to your less than open-minded fan base is that the “toughest man in the world” got knocked out by a guy that wears nipple clamps on occasion.
If I were this organization I would be putting a microphone in front of this guy and have him say that the fight was FABULOUS in the biggest lisp ever. (even though he doesn’t talk that way) Every redneck would be paying through the nose to watch the rematch and plus you would draw the GLBT crowd in a major way. But alas they don’t have the balls to market it this way making MMA even lamer.
Who wouldn’t want a gay “toughest guy on the planet”?