Crime and Punishment- Part I

(This is a continuation of the Basketball Diaries… This is kind of what I have been building to.)

After all the drama around my high school graduation my friends and I  were a little bent out of shape at the basketball coach.  In fact we had revenge on the mind. Throughout the summer we would make an effort to drive by his driveway on our way into Geneseo and launch whatever bottles we had in the car to the end of his driveway. It was mildly entertaining to say the least and slightly personally gratifying.

However the bottle launching wasn’t enough. On the eve of what was going to be one of the hottest days of the summer we decided to launch a plan so devious that it would live with us forever. What was it? Bomb a corner store? Hijack a bus and hold the people for ransom? Nope. Something worse. We were going to drill a hole in the side of their above ground pool.

The only way to accomplish this mission was to do it in the cover of night. We went and got everything that we ever owned that was black to wear. After we got “dressed” up we took turns laying in the backyard of my friend’s house and shutting off the light. The other three people would try and determine where the one person was hiding. It was kind of like the sniper training scene in “Clear and Present Danger.” Then we decided to map out an operational strategy including a map, hand signs, and who was going to carry what. We ultimately were going to have the last laugh or so we thought.

At about 1 am it was time for action. We parked my friend’s parent’s caravan down a service road and cut up through the cornfield behind the house. It was something to see, the precision, the stealth, and all of us trying to hold back from pissing ourselves from laughing so hard. Finally we hit the backyard and went directly to the pool. Two members from our group started to use an old-fashioned hand drill to work on the wall of the pool. The junior member of our group Terry, the only one of us that would be returning to high school the next year, went off by himself doing who knows what. That left me standing there with nothing to do. So I did what any man in my situation would. I went to piss on the car door handle of the coach’s car.

After cleaning out my bladder I returned back to where my friend’s were, they were having trouble drilling into the pool. Part of the reason was because the drill just wasn’t strong enough and the other was that they were laughing so hard that they really couldn’t put any effort in. We decided to ditch the idea of drilling a hole in the pool and dumped an entire bottle of Dawn into the swimming pool. In our minds we figured that the bullshit we had to deal with in high school from the coach was evened out by ruining their ability to swim the next day. It was pretty spotty logic at best.

At that point we had been in the yard for a few minutes and knew it was time to retreat. We saw Terry and waved for him to follow us then turned and hit the cornfield. Finally we ended up back in the mini-van where Terry revealed to us that he stole the flag from their backyard putting green (evidence… that is no good) and then told us that he cut the wire from the house to the satellite dish, did something to the pool filter, keyed their car, and a ton of other things.

Apparently he had decided to increase the destruction level past a point that was acceptable but we had to live with it. We returned back to his house and laughed our asses off the entire way. The thing is we wouldn’t be laughing for long.

What is the most destruction you have ever caused?