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detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."

Oct
08

How to snort coke of a stripper/hooker’s ass

By: Bobby Finstock on 10/8/08 @ 6:56 am

Now I should come clean and say right off the bat that I have never snorted coke nor done it off the ass of a stripper or hooker. But a shitload of people have never played professional baseball yet write about it every single day. So why can’t I write about this?

Here is what you need to do:

1) Procure the illegal narcotic

To obtain cocaine you need to find a place where young, money hungry, business type people hang out. I understand if you buy it in the ghetto that it is usually what people refer to as “crack” cocaine. For the purposes of this exercise crack cocaine will not work.

2) Procure the woman

There are multiple places where you can find the proper female counterpart for this. Due to the use of illegal narcotics you may want to avoid any upscale adult gentlemen’s clubs because they may frown upon it there (well except to fuel the girl) so if you are interested in a stripper you may want to hire one through a private service. Instead you should turn towards Craigslist or any bar that is run down and still uses the word “lounge” in it. The lounge usually is near a motel or has a poorly lit parking lot.

3) Make sure you have the rest of the proper equipment

In the movies people are always cutting up cocaine with a credit card or a playing card so I supposed you will need that. Also in the movies they use mirrors but since you are going to be doing it off the ass of a girl you will not need to get a small handheld mirror.

Additionally you may need money to roll up so you can snort it. (It is more of a style issue.) Usually the dollar bill is the way to go but I think depending on how you want to present yourself you would want to change the denomination. If you really want to be a true player I would recommend getting a hundred dollar bill. Nothing says class like running some pure Columbian coke past the ongoing gaze of Benjamin Franklin.

4) Apply the cocaine

There are a few different ways you can go on about this depending on your economic status and the amount of blow you have.

If you are swimming in product you can go the Jack Nicholson route from “The Departed” and liberally toss it around. Much like you toss flour at the vagina of a morbidly obese woman to see where to insert your penis. (Although I have never done that I have read about it on Richard Simmons’ Blog.) You don’t need to be accurate and the girl doesn’t need to be in any specific position because you are going with the “throw it at the wall and see what sticks” method.

For the other half with meager economic means you will have to make sure the target is bent over in a preferred location. From there you will dabble the line of cocaine onto the ass in a spot where it will remain steady long enough for you to partake. You want to look for a flat location and not the back curve.

5) Snort away like an anteater

Depending on how the narcotic is applied you may just go in for the snort or go with the rolled up dollar bill. Really it is a choice of style. Using the dollar bill is like drinking tea with your pinkie sticking out, classy. Going right in for the snort is a very animal type reaction and visceral.

Now you have completed your conquest and probably will have trouble looking at yourself in the mirror for at least 5-8 days.

How many people are going to be doing this tonight?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

8 Responses to “How to snort coke of a stripper/hooker’s ass”

  1. happyHERTY says:

    Me!

    • MARY says:

      I DONT REALLY AGREE WITH BIKINI CHICK. STRIP CLUBS IS THE EASIEST PLACE TO GET COKE… EVERYONE IN THERE IS WIRED ON SOMETIHING!! BELIVE ME IVE WORKED IN THEM. MOST OF THE GIRLS ARE THE ONES WHO SELL IT. IF YOU GET LUCKY AND ASK ONE OF THEM (ONLY DO THIS IF THEY LOOK MESSED TOO) YOU PROBLY HIT ON SOME STUFF. BUT BE AWARE IN CLUBS ITS EXTREAMLY EXPENSIVE! IF YOU GET IT FROM A DEALER ITS WAY BETTER. BUT DONT GET IT FROM BLACK DEALERS, THAT STUFF SO NASTY IT MAKE YOUR FACE HURT!!!! I STICK WITH MEXICANS. THEY STUFF GOOD… MORE FOR PRETTY GIRLS THEY FOOLS FOR THEM!! BUT YOU WOULD HAVE TO RISK GOING TO THE GHETTO. SCARY!!! BUT REMEMBER ITS EASIER TO ASK FOR IT,THAN SELL IT!

  2. Jeff says:

    I want that t-shirt.

  3. Daniel says:

    Thanks, i was looking for a new hobby.

  4. susan says:

    you all need to get a job…

  5. JUSTIN says:

    HAHA LOL

  6. GIANT says:

    I actually prefer to fold a piece of paper down the middle, next dump your blow on the paper, have your girl bend over and take a second admiring it ;) now with your blow on the paper slowly let it get comfortable on her entire crack from pussy all the way to her back. Now if she is bent over doggy style and has a nice arched back the coke will not fall off and will stay perfectly in the ass crack. Personally what I do is snort to the asshole, pass it and finish the rest above it and go in for a good tonguing of the pink starfish. One of the reasons for tonguing the butt hole is it will numb it and let you pound the shit out of it (literally). ENJOY I do!!

  7. ace says:

    Its always best to have a few strippers snorting off each other. cause more than likely you will get to join in. booze coke and strippers now thats a ecnomic stimulis package

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