How spending a half hour in the Las Vegas Airport made me lose faith in all humanity

I don’t think I am smarter than everyone or that my shit doesn’t stink because we all know that I have documented the long list of stupid things that I have done. But I can’t help thinking that I give the rest of the population way too much credit when thinking about them. In half an hour in the Las Vegas airport I lost all my faith in humanity. Here are the two incidents that just made me shake my head and cower in fear knowing that these people are going to breed.

Incident One: The X-ray Machine

There was a portly woman in front of me in line at the x-ray machine; she placed her carry on bag on the belt. Instead of putting the top of the bag first where it would be sitting on the conveyor belt lengthwise (top to bottom) she put it on the belt width wise (side to side).  Apparently as a kid she didn’t have one of those wood tables with all the holes cut into it with different shapes that you fed blocks through. Otherwise she would have learned out that certain shapes don’t go into certain holes.

This would make her head explode

When her bag reached the machine to go through it wouldn’t because it’s size width wise was equal to the entry of the x-ray machine. So what does this genius do? Remove the bag and put it in correctly? Of course not, why do that it would be the logical thing to do? Instead she shoves the bag as hard as she can into the machine.

We both go through the metal detector and wait for our bags. Everyone that was in line ahead of us is long gone when she says, “Where is my bag?”

And then she followed up with, “I don’t have anything bad in there.”

She still hasn’t figured out that the machine was jammed and she thought the five-minute wait was because they were x-raying the content of her bags, which were probably a vibrator and some Kit Kats.

Finally the TSA official had to go get a giant stick with a hook on it to fish out her bag. He let us know that her bag was stuck. She was flabbergasted by this news.

“I wonder how that happened? I betcha there is something in the machine.”

My eyes just glazed over and I shook my head, my will to live was slowly being drained.

Incident Two: The Drunk Dude

I ran into one of my friends from the conference at the gate and sat down next to her to talk a bit before boarding. In the middle of the floor was a guy that was lying in a pool of his own vomit. Apparently he stopped by the slot machines vomited all over a three-foot radius and then slipped in his own vomit and blew out his knee.

We sat there for a few minutes watching people just look at him in disgust as he lay in his own pool of vomit. Of course nobody helped him until one guy stopped playing slots to ask if he was all right. (Of course I wasn’t going to help. I had to document all of this.)

The airline folks were nice enough to put trashcans around him, not in case if he threw up again but so nobody would step in his vomit like one guy wearing flip-flops did. (That had to suck.)
Finally some medics came and wheeled him off, I have a feeling that he won’t be catching his flight today.

So what the hell have you been up to?