Vegas Baby, Vegas
I started to write two blogs this morning and they both sucked so instead you are getting this hodge podge of stuff which sucks just as much but I have shit to do. I leave tomorrow for Las Vegas for a conference where I am speaking. I haven’t prepared my slideshow or what I am talking about so I probably should spend some time on that this morning.
For Las Vegas residents, I was thinking about doing something on Sunday night if you want to meet out at a bar somewhere. Drop me an e-mail (you can use the contact form above) and we can set something up.
I have to say I love Las Vegas, the city has been my muse a few times. (Yeah I know I sound like a douche for saying anything is my muse, I hate when people say that but whatever.)
Here are some of my favorite Vegas inspired posts:
Why I Should Never Go Back to the Hard Rock Casino- A little story about me acting my classiest
Some Lessons I Learned in Vegas- “Debating with the manager of a strip club over how poor your last lap dance was is kind of pointless. (Not that it happened, okay maybe it did.)”
Viva Las Vegas- My post the day before I was leaving for this same conference last year, it is much better than this shit
It’s Like Shark Week Only With Hookers- The first time ever I had a hooker approach me and it was in Vegas. Or she was a pick pocket, I still haven’t decided.
Games to Play While in Vegas- Extreme people watching at it’s best
By The Time You Read This I Could Be Dead- It has very little to do with the fact that I was going to Vegas but I saw a girl I had sex with in the movie Kinsey
Also yesterday I was checking my stats program and noticed that people were discovering this blog using the term “bukkake expert”. So I checked it out in Google and I have the number one search result for “bukkake expert”. I am not sure how I feel about that. While it is pretty damn funny I feel like it is false advertising as I never have participated in the act, I just thought the word was funny. Hmmm… well I am going to Vegas this weekend.
In closing if you don’t hear from me on Tuesday I either won a shitload of money and decided to just stay out there and forgo my life here. Or I was shot in the face by someone in Pacman Jones posse at a strip club while he was trying to make it rain by dumping a garbage bag full of money on a stripper.
It is a coin flip I am sure it could go either way.
Take a few minutes to Sharpie your name in your underoos. It’ll save CSI some time identifying the body.
Have fun in Vegas. I have never been. I am not sure I would survive!
“Darling, if you tell the bartender to go easy on the water, then this fifty-cent piece has your name written all over it. I want you to run along cause I’ll be timing you. One… two… THREE…” Gonna lay the ‘Swingers’ routine on a waitress at any point?
My birthday is tomorrow so I need you to find and play a Michigan quarter on an old lady style slot machine and all winnings go to me. All frustration of hanging around old lady slots goes to you.
I just had to go to google and try it, and indeed, you’re the first 3 links.
That’s something to brag about. Say you’re dating a girl, and she’s asking you what the most impressive thing you’ve ever been recognized for is- you can tell her you’re the first link in a bukkake search.
Or you go back to your high school reunion or something- “yeah, I’m famous now. You can find me through google, under bukkake expert”. You’d out-shine everybody else. ahem.
Have fun in Vegas!
If you win shitloads of money, you can fly me over and get some real life bukkake experience. wink wink. nudge nudge.
Wait. I hope that proposition comes across as the joke it was meant to be.
Wait it was a joke?
For some reason the individual post replies keep fucking up on my comp,
so… errr, no, after the comedic hilarity that was popcrunch I renege; you have full facial access. Happy bukkake my friend, happy bukkake.
What is “bukkake”? Sorry, but I haven’t learned all the words in the English language, and my Oxford Dictionary didn’t want to disclose any information on this particular search. Please don’t get shot in the face before you get to answer.
Its not English, I believe.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bukkake
You should just get a t-shirt that says “Bukkake Expert” and wear it to your conference in Vegas. After that, you’ll probably have plenty of time to blog about it.
I second Jeff’s suggestion. You need tshirts