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Breaking Down the Presidential Campaign Using John Hughes Movies

By: Bobby Finstock on 09/11/08 @ 9:29 am

I usually don’t write about politics. While I pay attention to what is going on and am an avid news watcher/reader I just stay out of it. However over the last few weeks I have begun to feel like I am watching a high school drama, there has been little talk about issues and more like a race to see who is going to be prom king. So I decided to watch movies by a man that understood High School better than anyone on the planet, John Hughes. After watching a shit load of films staring Molly Ringwald and company I have determined who fits what roles.

Barak Obama is Ferris Bueller (Ferris Beuller’s Day Off)
Ferris Bueller is liked by a lot of his classmates. Most of his classmates have no real concrete reason for liking him, they just do. I kind of feel the same way about Barak Obama, when you ask people why they like him you hear very little substance why.   Both are slick and smooth and I imagine Obama could pull off being Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago. Plus they both live in Illinois so that has to count for something.

Joe Biden is Brian Johnson (Breakfast Club)
Brian Johnson at the end of the movie is the only one that doesn’t leave with a new girlfriend and is stuck writing the essay for Principal Vernon. I kind of feel like Biden is just left behind and forgotten compared to the other principles in the election. He is pretty much an afterthought like Brian.

McCain is Principal Richard Vernon (Breakfast Club)
Old, crotchety, and not well liked by younger people McCain matches up with Vernon well. I can imagine him saying the following:

Richard Vernon: You think about this: when you get old, these kids – when *I* get old – they’re going to be running the country…Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me.

I think Vernon would be so scared at those kids running the country he would try to stay in power to the bitter end.

Sarah Palin is Lisa (Weird Science)
You know somewhere McCain and his staff sat around like Anthony Michael Hall and Ilan Mitchell-Smith. with bras on their heads trying to create a perfect woman to run with him. Palin is a lot like Lisa, it just seems like she came out of nowhere and is everything her masters want. (well except the ethics violations and the knocked up kid) Plus I would tap that ass much like I would the young Kelly LeBrock.

The only place where the comparison fails is the accent. Lisa has that naughty british accent that somehow makes me want to sleep with Super Nanny. And Palin sounds like Francis McDormand in Fargo.

Howard Dean is The Geek (16 Candles)
Another Democrat and another Anthony Michael Hall reference. Dean just reminds me of a guy that would have to ask a woman to borrow their panties so he could show it to his friends, I don’t know why but I just get that feeling about him.

Michelle Obama is Tia Russell (Uncle Buck)
You kind of don’t like her at first. Some think she is miserable because she allegedly isn’t proud of this country. (I love how both sides can take a sound bite and manipulate it. You know like a pig wearing lipstick.) But in the end you come around on her and she isn’t so bad. Plus both have dated men with odd names… Barack for Michelle and Bug for Tia.

Cindy McCain is Caroline Mulford (16 Candles)
Caroline is the prom queen girlfriend of Jake in Sixteen Candles. Blond, good looking, WASPY, and believes that she shits gold… all three qualities that I think Cindy McCain has except she has way more houses that Caroline.

Bristol Palin is Kristy Briggs (She’s Having a Baby)
Yeah I think the title of the movie sums up the comparison. Except for one wasn’t going to be a shotgun wedding.

George W. Bush is Long Duk Dong (16 Candles)
They both butcher the English language and seem clueless half the time you see them. And I can imagine George rolling over and saying to Laura, “No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.”

Has American Politics officially become a crappy episode of Laguna Beach or a bad John Hughes Movie?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

35 Responses to “Breaking Down the Presidential Campaign Using John Hughes Movies”

  1. Anne says:

    Ah, yeah. Spot on, I say.

  2. Em Em says:

    You’re pretty dead on here. Especially the last one. Now how long before some humorless politics loving asshole comes along and doesn’t “get it” and starts in on you about how you are just a dumb liberal who knows nothing about politics (like Donkey Sosa’s VP blog). My bet is within the first twelve comments…

  3. Good stuff… it’s so much clearer to me now. ; )

  4. Isha says:

    Good show, ol’ chap! just was going along with it from the first comment. Thanks for my first laugh of the morning.

  5. Meghan says:

    Nice. And back in Dubya’s coke and booze fueled days, Papa Bush may have had to coax him out of a tree once or twice.

    “George? George? Where is my au-to-mo-bile?”
    “Au-to-mo-bile! Wreck, big wreck.”


  6. matty says:

    Oh boy. This might be the best blog ever. You’ve made my day thinking about all of these flicks. Can I be Ducky from Pretty in Pink?

  7. LOL!!!! Pretty damn amusing! ;)

  8. mtyler77 says:

    That was truly a great article. I laughed my behind off–thank you!


  9. Stephanie says:

    Yes…yes, it has.

  10. timethief says:

    IMO this was a brilliant piece that points out the lack of brilliance in the American populace. I have been despairing over the lack of focus on the actual issue. I really needed some laughs and you delivered them. Thanks.

  11. The Muse says:

    Palin’s husband is Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Totally bowing to his wife’s wishes, knowing all the while he’s going to get screwed in the end.

  12. Sharon says:

    OMG! So funny and so TRUE! Hilarious!!

  13. marjorie says:

    I have the need to watch a marathon of his movies now, bravo good sir!

  14. Kari says:

    Wait…who’s Principal Ed Rooney? Cheney?


  15. Angie says:

    Of all the “election coverage” I’ve seen to date, this is by far the most amusing. You’ve left out a couple of others, though: Ralph, Bob, Ron, Cynthia, and that dude who gave Barry a BJ in the limo…. LOL

  16. me says:

    Robert Downey Jr. doesn’t wear a bra on his head in Weird Science ;)

  17. khalida says:

    Robert Downey Jr. DOES wear a bra on his head…just before they DON’T hook up the doll…
    Trust me on this- I am a master of John Hughes movie miscellany…
    Great blog!!!

  18. Patrick D. says:

    Would this make Condoleeza Rice W’s “new American-style girlfriend?”

    (I was going to reference the ‘automobile’ line, but somebody beat me to it.

  19. trisha says:

    HAHAHA! I loved this one! Particularly the Long Duk Dong reference! Who doesn’t love some Dong once in a while.

    I wrote a funny blog on myspathe about the pig in lipstick bs.

    hmmmm- who is Karl Rove? Dick Cheney? Jeremiah Wright?

    Anyone… Anyone…?

  20. [...] A elei̤̣o americana vista como filmes de John Hughes 2) Batman РThe Dark Knight vai voltar aos cinemas em janeiro 3) Estudo indica que listras [...]

  21. Sean says:

    Dick Cheney = Bill Paxton’s Chet from Weird Science.

    Karl Rove = I can’t come up with a good one for this. Perhaps Lea Thompson’s boyfriend from “Some Kind of Wonderful”? Total manipulative jerk.

    • Melissa says:

      I’ve got your back on the Rove selection, nice choice and from a totally underrated Hughes film. Watts was one of his best characters ever.

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  23. Carolyn says:

    You are a genius

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