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Your source for news about your fiance

By: Bobby Finstock on 09/2/08 @ 7:10 am

For Labor Day weekend I went home to my old stomping grounds of Geneseo to see my friends that I grew up with. When I arrived on Friday something happened that… well I guess the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

You see when I write about stories of events that happen in my past I change the names of everyone, well except for people I utterly despise. Maybe I am a little vindictive or maybe I feel like in some small way justice is being served. Whatever the reasoning I just consider it my policy, if I think you are an utter and complete jerk off I am not going to change your name. In fact I secretly hope that people find this page and read how big of an asshole you are.

So what does this have to do with Friday?

My friends and I all pretty much dislike a former friend of ours named Marty. I have written about Marty numerous times. Most of the stories are harmless things that happened except for the retarded girl story. I haven’t covered the other stories about him like:

  • Marty trying to sleep with my housemate and my ex girlfriends by walking around our favorite bar and saying how big of assholes we were (great pick up line in a bar).
  • Marty lying to his mother on why his brother and him were moving out of our apartment and stiffing us with large bills. Oh and not only that but stealing DVDs and other things out of the other rooms.
  • Marty telling our girlfriends lies about us and then trying to score a date with them saying that we didn’t appreciate them (which is one I have to write about next week).
  • Marty intentionally screwing up building computers because he didn’t like his job that I got him. I vouched for him because he was unemployed for an extended amount of time. (You know instead of doing the classy thing like finding another job and quitting and not making me look like an asshole because my friend was trying to get fired so he could collect unemployment.)

The list goes on but why bore you?

Anyway on Friday I got the following e-mail:

So I somehow managed to come across your blog about drunken mistakes, part 1.
as i’m reading the story, i realize that it sounds very VERY familiar.  turns
out it’s familiar because my fiance, marty, has told it to me before.  only
thing is that the girl was never retarded…she was ugly and fat, but never
retarded!  so thank you for that little laugh, and a little glimpse into his
past, as i read some more of your blogs with him in it.  he’s still an asshole
today, but not nearly so much as he used to be.  he’s actually a really stand
up guy now.  it’s amazing what time can do for a little maturity.  i hear
stories about the person he used to be, and i can see glimpses of him in those
stories, but he is a completely different MAN now.  i’m just glad i didn’t know
him then, or else i most certainly would not have a beautiful ring on my finger
that was purchased by him.  i’m pretty sure i wouldn’t want to have anything to
do with him.  sometimes i have to remind myself that he’s not the same person he
was then, because i absolutely cringe when i hear some of the stories (the short
bus girl being one of them) and they honestly make me angry hearing how he
acted.  i guess i just wanted to let you know that he has grown up a lot, and
he’s not the boy he used to be.  thank you for the laughs and stories about the
old marty.  i can never learn enough about him.  :)

***The fiancé***

I don’t know why anyone would be compelled to write me about how Marty has changed? Obviously we don’t talk and don’t like each other. Am I supposed to be impressed? Perhaps change my views on him? When people are untrustworthy, steal, do slimy things behind other people’s backs, and are disloyal that isn’t a sign of immaturity, it is a sign that they are a bad person. Or am I wrong about this?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

13 Responses to “Your source for news about your fiance”

  1. Meghan says:

    Fricking What?!? I’m so glad he’s off the ‘market’…my condolences to the future Mrs. Marty. I love laughing at strangers!

  2. Marty says:

    Whoa, looks like it’s time for this Marty (no relation) to Bobby Finstock-up his name a bit and grab a pseudomym, just to avoid confusion. Mitch Cumstein it is! Wait, you already claimed that one…

  3. bishop says:

    It sounds as if Mrs. Marty is in a bit of denial of him being a asshole. Every asshole I’ve every seen time does the opposite to them. You becoming a bigger asshole over time which he may not show his true colors till some time down the road. Making sure that he lands her before the true color of the beast is unveiled.

    On a off note the internet just makes the world a smaller place. I wonder how many people have come by and have known you. More so now since you have taken a pen name.

  4. Taylor Blue says:

    Sounds like someone is jaded and is trying to justify her decision.

  5. Alejandro says:

    well you know what they say, Love is Blind.
    And let me add something i recall from the Matrix, Ignorance is bliss!

  6. Mark says:

    Okay, now that is great. I remember Marty pissing of half the table at our old boss’s wedding. The one he intentionally f-ed up the computers on. He made my job fun with pooch screwing those damn things. My head still hurts from that BS. Yeah the fiance is in denial she will learn…

  7. Vince says:

    I like how she said he was still an asshole but not as big of an asshole anymore. Who says that?

    I bet they are divorced 8 months after the wedding and it will be because he tries to sleep with her sister or something.

  8. Em Em says:

    Maybe it’s really his mom trying to make nice for him with his old friends? If I were engaged to a guy who contracted an STD from a mentally challenged girl, I don’t think I’d even admit to that anonymously.

  9. matty says:

    The fiance sounds like a girl that I would expect to be wearing a soft helmet, drooling and staring while I threw gummy bears at her short bus window.

  10. Fiona says:

    Seems Marty hasn’t changed at all, seems like he still dates a certain type of girl……

  11. Isha says:

    I never have seen the need to show that someone has changed. Who cares? His chick sounds like she may have taken a few rides on the short bus herself…..anyways I believe once a dick, always a dick. And you are not wrong about that.

  12. cigar smoking, beer drinking lawyer says:

    “he’s still an asshole
    today, but not nearly so much as he used to be”

    Damn she admits this douche is an asshole and still wants to marry him? Give me a call in a few years so I can make money from your divorce

  13. Tori says:

    Poor girl, I’ve dated guys like that before. You don’t want to admit that they’re still pretty much raging douchebags, because for some unknown reason you love them. I’ve said pretty much that exact same thing about one particular ex of mine. Hopefully she figures it out.

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