Biden vs. Palin: I Do the Research So You Don’t Have To
Well, unfortunately John McCain chose not to take Donk’s advice and pick either Lil Wayne, Miley Cyrus, or Lenin’s Corpse as a running mate. Sigh, there goes my career as a pundit. However, the crafty old man actually one-upped Donk’s choices and in a brilliant move chose Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to complete his ticket. Wow, I THOUGHT I had my mind firmly made up, but now with this choice, I, like probably most of you, are left with a difficult choice between Obama/Biden and McCain/Palin.
“Stop staring at my hairplugs.” “Hmmm, did I just shart?”
And as I see it, it really comes down to the Vice Presidential picks. So Donk’s been doing a lot of research on both, and I will now share some of the highlights with you with the hope that this will help you firm up your pick for President. Here are some facts Donk dug up:
Biden: Has served in the Senate for 30 years.
Palin: Once served Thanksgiving dinner for over 30 people!
Biden: Was elected at age 29, making him the youngest Senator in history.
Palin: Was elected winner of the Miss Wasilla Beauty Contest.
Biden: Is a leader in fighting drug use and deterring drugs from entering the U.S.
Palin: Once grounded her daughter after catching her smoking a “Fatty.”
Biden: Is the chair of Committee on Foreign Relations.
Palin: Once had “foreign relations” with her high school boyfriend in the back seat of her dad’s Chevy.
Biden: Has run for President twice, once in 1988 and once in 2007.
Palin: Is an avid runner and tries to get out for a nice run almost every day.
Biden: Proposed and helped pass the Adam Walsh Act, which helps protect children against predators.
Palin: Loves watching Adam’s dad John Walsh on that nifty show America’s Most Wanted.
Biden: Cast his 10,000th Senate vote on May 11th, 1999.
Palin: Cast her 10,000th vote for American Idol contestant Sanjaya on March 10th, 2007.
So there you have it my friends. To be quite honest, I think my research has only made my choice harder instead of easier. Sigh, I guess I’m just going to have to keep on digging.
On 09/2/08 at 6:53 am
Marty said:
I’m wondering if urbandictionary.com would have any entries under “moose stew”…
On 09/2/08 at 10:09 am
donkeysosa said:
i’ve checked many times over the years and sadly, they do not.
On 09/2/08 at 3:06 pm
Meghan said:
What? You mean to tell me YOU don’t think Palin is a reasonable Hillary Facsimile?
Don’t you get that us gals are substance-less and will blindly fall for an old man’s trickery? Especially a proud Patriot like Mr. McCain…I’m not sure if you are aware of this, but he was a P.O.W. I can only hope that now stands for President Of the World. **sigh, giggle, puke**
Too bad she couldn’t catch her daughter with the other Bone.
On 09/3/08 at 10:05 am
donkeysosa said:
Wait, he was a POW?
On 09/2/08 at 3:18 pm
Karl Rove said:
I don’t think this has ever been said in the history of America, but…I can’t wait for the VP debate.
Do you think Palin will drop out so McCain can pick someone else? Either way, McCain pisses some group off.
On 09/3/08 at 10:06 am
donkeysosa said:
I think he’s painted himself into a corner and he can’t afford to let her back out at this point unless something major happens
On 09/3/08 at 12:51 am
Augusto said:
I’m personally thrilled that finally someone is on a national presidential ticket that is willing to use herself and her family to validate their anti-gay-marriage stance.
Sarah and Bristol have both stepped up to the plate to validate that marriage is between a man and a woman for the purpose of procreation. I understand it is one of their family values that they cannot apply for a marriage license unless they have proven their fertility with a successful pregnancy - thus Sarah and Bristol have both been preggers before marriage. WooHoo!!!!
That is certainly putting your va ja ja where your mouth is.
On 09/4/08 at 7:10 am
david said:
Well since Obama has never done a single thing to prove any Leadership… I would pick pick Palin, who more experience than obama and biden combined, over him any day. And Obama’s idea of stealing more money from successful business’ and give hand outs (which is great and all, except for ruining the economy) and claims it will help the middle class… Which would be true if they never buy anything from a business, like groceries, gass, clothing, then it will cost them big time. And its probably a great idea to buddy up with the terrorist country, there are too many building in NY anyway, lets blow up some more right! Good idea Barrack! And I especially think Obama hit the head on the nail with those damn midwest people and there religion…. And one final note, who needs a war hero who almost died for our country when we can have a communist sociolist who refused to say the pledge of allegence or put his hand on heart heart during the national anthem. I’m with you guys, GO OSAMA!… I mean OBAMA! same difference. Your parties logo fits you JACKASS
On 09/4/08 at 9:05 am
Bobby Finstock said:
Holy shit… I mean… I feel retarded for reading this comment.
On 09/4/08 at 1:56 pm
Karl Rove said:
So much to say, so little time.
I guess I’ll just stick with: Yeah, letting the businesses have all the money has been really great for our economy the past eight years. Americans are doing great, financially!
On 09/5/08 at 12:33 am
donkeysosa said:
Sigh. I hate to even dignify this comment, particularly since this is just meant to be a lighthearted blog, but I feel compelled, soooo..
1. “I would pick pick Palin, who more experience than obama and biden combined, over him any day.”
You can say what you want about Palin, but you are truly prepared to back up the statement that she has more experience than a 30 year senator and a lawyer/state senator/US senator combined? Pray tell how that might be?
2. “except for ruining the economy etc etc.”
You are truly ready to make this statement when, after 8 years of Republican economic policies we are in a miserable recession? Good stuff.
3. ” gass”
Spelled with one “s”
4. “And its probably a great idea to buddy up with the terrorist country, there are too many building in NY anyway”
Wha? Who is he proposing we buddy up to? I must have missed that part of his acceptance speech.
5. “there”
Should be “their.”
6. “who needs a war hero who almost died for our country”
Yes, because war hero DEFINITELY = great president every time. Excellent decision making skills.
7. ” GO OSAMA”
Ah, I see what you did there. Very clever.
8. “parties”
Should be “party’s”
Have a good one my friend.
On 09/4/08 at 7:25 pm
Anonymous said:
Hey, great job on making fun of Palin for being a woman & a mother. You showed her! How about for your next article, you make fun of Obama for being black?
Seriously. Can’t you liberals eat your own dish and treat everyone equally for once?
Sarah Palin has proven herself to be a woman of integrity and conviction in the short time she’s been smeared across the media. Now you resort to portraying her as some ditsy stereotype?
Can’t you at least make fun of her for something real? I’m sure she has her faults, so instead of just assuming that because she’s a woman, she must be dumb, you could actually go out and research…Imagine that!
Good Grief.
On 09/4/08 at 8:27 pm
Jeff said:
Sarah Palin is so ridiculously out of her league it’s not funny. Joe Biden is going to eviscerate her in the VP debate.
Are you the same right-wing twatnugget that posted on this site last week because Mr. Finstock said something not-100-percent-positive about St. BBQ John McCain. If so, GET THE FUCK OUT.
On 09/5/08 at 12:43 am
donkeysosa said:
Might as well do this one as well:
1. “Hey, great job on making fun of Palin for being a woman & a mother. You showed her!”
My pleasure.
2. “How about for your next article, you make fun of Obama for being black?”
Funny you should say that…while I didn’t go after him (yet) I did do a little blog dealing with race in a somewhat humorous way just a couple weeks ago. Ya see, this isn’t cnn.com. It’s a lighthearted blog site.
3. “Sarah Palin has proven herself to be a woman of integrity and conviction in the short time she’s been smeared across the media.”
Interesting. Was that before or after the hate-filled speech she gave last night? Oh, and I would post the half-dozen things unearthed about her SO FAR that disprove your point but eh, don’t feel like cutting and pasting the info.
4. “Can’t you at least make fun of her for something real?”
Actually, 2 of those facts were true.
5. ” I’m sure she has her faults”
Oh, rest assured, she does. She does.
On 09/5/08 at 1:09 am
Mike said:
Anyone else bothered by letting another career politician into the white house? Biden has one of the LONGEST stints as senator in American history. THIS is change? I dont think so. Palin will do a wonderful job because she’s NOT one of “them”. Term limits are an issue BECAUSE of people like Biden. The only “experience” he has, is experience in snowing the voters of Delaware repeatedly for 30+ years!
On 09/5/08 at 1:32 am
donkeysosa said:
Fair enough…until you realize that the Republican nominee for PRESIDENT is himself a 20 year Senator, at which point the argument falls apart.
On 09/5/08 at 1:25 pm
Island Princess said:
McCain seriously shot himself in the foot with his choice for VP. True, she’s done great things for the state of Alaska, but it’s like going from checking groceries to being a CEO of Safeway…just too much.
On 09/11/08 at 4:10 pm
Preston Brooks said:
Great satire. She put down community workers in her speech at the convention so I say “All’s fair in love and war…and politics!”
On 09/11/08 at 10:49 pm
donkeysosa said:
Yeah, cuz what did community organizers ever do to help this country?
On 09/13/08 at 5:33 pm
Jackie said:
This was great! My sister-in-law, a staunch Republican, sent the the list from the Audacity of Hypocrisy website and thought it was hilarious. Well, I thought THIS was pretty funny. I don’t care what anyone says, being mayor of a town of less than 9,000 and governor of one of the least populated states for less than 2 years is NOT experience to me. I don’t care if it’s executive or not. It doesn’t even scratch what Obama and Biden have combined. I believe I read somewhere that they were involved in over 800 laws, amendments and committees together. This includes committees on foreign relations, weapon control (including nuclear), bringing earmarks to public attention (Obama, specifically), et. Sarah Palin can’t even touch what they have. I can’t wait until the Democratic party pulls out it’s can of woop-ass!
Oh, and one more little tidbit of info: for all of you complaining that Obama voted present a bazillion times, why don’t you go look at McCain’s record: http://www.votesmart.org/voting_category.php?can_id=53270
His record has “no vote” more times than Obama’s. So, stuff that in your pipe and smoke it!
On 09/15/08 at 11:43 am
Heretic said:
With Election Day only a few months away, both Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain have announced their running mates. Although everyone in the media is talking about Sen. Joe Biden and Gov. Sarah Palin, no one is really talking about their tax or economic views. With a looming recession, and gas prices expected to spike because of Hurricane Gustav, I decided to take a deeper look into Senator Joe Biden’s tax views.
Ending the War
One of Biden’s most progressive tax views is his adamancy about ending the war. Biden feels the sooner we end the war, the sooner we can start saving money again and reducing our national debt. Currently, the war on Iraq is costing around $100 billion a year, and Biden wants use that money to invest in our own country.
Bush Tax Cuts
The Bush tax cuts have been a large subject of debate this election season. Biden opposes the tax cuts and has voted against them recently and voted against similar tax cuts in the past when Bush Sr. was president. Although the argument has been made that the “trickle down†effect will make sure the tax cuts benefit us all, Biden claims that this tactic has not worked. “Imagine what we could do if we had a president who had the nerve and the wisdom to understand that rich folks are just as patriotic as poor folks–you just have to ask them,†claimed Biden. “I spoke to a group of millionaires about taking away their tax cut, and when I explained how I’d use it, they gave me a standing ovation.â€
Health Care
Joe Biden is known for his fight for an ethical and easy health care system for America. Working closely with Social Security as well as Medicare, he has been a big part of numerous changes that have already been made to health care in this country. If elected as Vice President, Biden has claimed that he would like to work alongside Obama to strengthen prescription drug programs and make them affordable and available to everyone.
Biden recognizes that Medicare has many flaws and that it requires improvement. He would like to open programs to promote wellness and disease prevention, waive co-payments, and advance technology within the medical industry. He hopes to fund these new programs by repealing the Bush tax cuts for the top 1% and withdrawing troops from Iraq. However, there are noticeable flaws in Biden’s health plans such as his neglect to recognize youth needs. Most of his plans emphasize senior health, which is important but should not be the only part of his plan.
Gas Prices
Taking on the OPEC monopoly is one of the riskier moves Biden wants to make. Some critics think this will not help but hurt the problem, as OPEC is not the only cause of high gas prices. Biden’s other energy plans are to invest in new alternative energies will be pricey at first, but have the potential to save billions in the long-run.
Education and Taxes
Biden has worked on numerous bills designer to make education more affordable, and introduced the college ACCESS legislation that provides a refundable tax credit for struggling students to help pay for tuition. The legislation also expanded grants for low-income families. To pay for the legislation Biden voted yes on shifting $11 billion from corporate tax loopholes to education.
Death Tax Exemption
While in the Senate Biden voted against raising the Death Tax Exemption from $1 million to $5 million. He felt the tax did not apply to most Americans, and only gave more money to wealthy heirs and heiresses such as the notorious Paris Hilton.
AMT Repeal
Senator Biden also voted against repealing the Alternative Minimum Tax (AMT). As we all know, the tax was originally meant to only target only the very wealthy, but is now being levied on thousands of middle class America due to inflation. However, Biden noticed that repealing it entirely would surely put us into deficit, decrease government revenue, and unbalance the budget even more. However, Biden has claimed that he would favor adjusting the ATM for inflation and the standard of living for 2008.
Balanced Budget
Sen. Biden is adamant about his fight for a balanced budget. He voted for the balanced budget amendment in 1997, and voted against making tax cuts a priority over national debt reduction in 2000. He also stated that interest rates should be lowered across the board, and that tax breaks on investment dividends should be repealed.
Hedge Funds
Biden has never been discrete about his dislike of hedge funds, and believes they are a main cause of the credit crunch in the United States. He also disliked equity funds and cites them as another cause of the country’s current financial crisis.
Foreign Aid
When the Georgia-Russia dispute first broke out, Biden immediately called for $1 billion in emergency aid. After meeting personally with Georgia’s president, he was adamant and convinced of his decision. In February of 2008, Biden also pushed for a massive increase of non-military financial aid to Pakistan.
On 10/1/08 at 12:58 pm
ElizabethR said:
I have been waiting for Thursday like it was “the last day of school.” This is amazing political theater. Ive been working non stop on new websites since Palin was selected and have seen an amzing amount of hate mail from “Christians.” I’d be pleased if you wanted to check out:
http://www.McCainNotFit.com - Lots of lots of reasons he is bad news
http://www.McCainhatesWomen.com - See the list of “14 Sexist Incidentsâ€
http://www.VicePresidentDebates.com - Side by side look at a seasoned professional and a wannabe
http://www.PalinNotFit.com - She’s not fit to be VP – let alone POTUS
http://www.PalinTrojanHorse.com - She is sent to infiltrate us and destroy the Constitution
http://www.FirstLadyDebates.com - I’d rather “have a beer†with Michelle
http://www.BushWarCrimes.com - Getting to this soon, hard to work on; too many dead women & children on our watch
On 10/1/08 at 11:51 pm
Andrea Jones said:
The very first second I read about McCain’s choice of Palin, before I knew anything except that she was governor of Alaska, it hit me that she would be some little league cynical choice. I hoped that this would not prove to be the case. However, we all see it being played out in gory detail.
McCain’s choice of Palin shows his utter CONTEMPT for the American people. It is unmistakeable that he is totally RECKLESS in his actions. We do well to remember that McCain deliberately provoked his Vietnamese captors. Who does that? If he wanted to swagger so badly that he would risk life and limb by foolishly antagonizing the enemy, he is bound to be full of reckless surprises should he be voted president. Anyone who votes for him deserves the disaster of a new Bush type, who is far less responsible than Bush.
However, should McCain be elected, Palin will provide endless entertainment. She is roll on the floor funny during interviews.