The Dirtiest E-mail I Have Received Yet

(Every so often I get things sent to me because people like to share. This is an e-mail from a friend that wanted to share their threesome story. It is dirty, hot, and wrong… so of course I asked if I could share it with all of you perverts.)

So I was 20, in my third year of college, and had an awesome (read: hard drinking, and, in your words, morally casual) group of friends. My best friend was having a big party at her house, which was in a block of houses all taken by students. And it was across the street from the student bar, so these parties were always sweet.

We started drinking way early. I’d like to use the excuse that it was winter in western Canada, we had to drink that much to stay warm, but really, we just drank wayyy too much anyway.

So we were hammered by like 8, and there were a shitload of people there. I went into the bathroom to pee, and as I come out this girl Amanda is standing in the hallway waiting. I didn’t know her that well, but she grabbed me and full on slammed her tongue in my mouth.  It took me by surprise, but whatever, she’s hot and drunk, and I’m drunk, so I’m down. I can appreciate good looks on either sex.

So she’s pushing me backwards into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind us, and taking my shirt off. I’m pulling her shirt off, we’re stumbling around (knocking a picture and the toilet paper holder off the wall I found out later) and making out furiously. The bras come off, the pants come off, my fingers find her panties, pull them off her, and I’m on my knees doing dirty, naughty things. Wait- no, I think she did dirty things to me first.

Artist rendering without the fisting

SO, anyway, suddenly someone was knocking on the door, and we’re like, aw shit, our fun is being interrupted, and I ask who it was and it turned out it’s this guy Mark, who we both knew and were good friends with.  So he’s all, “what the hell is going on in there?” He had been waiting for the bathroom for a couple minutes and heard the banging around. So I peaked my head out, covering my boobs with some random article of clothing, looked back at Amanda, and she grins ‘cause she knows what I’m thinking, and I reach my hand out and pull Mark into the bathroom. The more the merrier.

His face was one of those things I’ll remember forever, it was hilarious. He just got pulled into a bathroom by two mostly naked girls who are all over each other. I’ve never seen someone’s eyebrows go that high.
So I jump up and sit on the sink so there’s more room in this tiny, tiny bathroom, I’m pulling his shirt off and she’s pulling his pants off, and then she’s down on me, and I’m making out with him, and then I’m down on her, and he’s all over her tits, and it’s one big raunchy thing after the next.

Then there’s another bang on the door, and no, it wasn’t some other lucky person, it was my best friend yelling at us to get out of her bathroom (yeah she was maaad. If it was me, I’d be congratulating my best friend for having an impromptu threesome. Besides, they had another bathroom in the house! But I guess she didn’t think like that.).

So we pull our clothes on haphazardly, stumble out of the bathroom, where I think a couple other people were waiting, and head out the backdoor. I only lived a block down, and by myself (my ex had moved out a month earlier) so I told them to come back to my house.  I think Mark got held back for a few minutes though, ‘cause I remember going into my house with Amanda, and continuing the fun on my living room couch, and Mark kind of coming in a few minutes later with this look on his face like he’s all hopeful that we’re still going. And we were gonna finish what we started, so we’re up to my bedroom, where we don’t have to worry about bothering anybody.

The things that went on there are so explicit I’m not even telling you all the details. Let’s just say it was awesome. It was a great learning experience to be down on a chick while getting screwed from behind. (You’re welcome).

At some point though, I guess Amanda and I totally forgot about Mark, and he just had to sit back and watch the rest… he’s sitting there, neglected like, “um, guys?”

Next morning we wake up, Amanda had already gone, and I make coffee, and we’re like, sweeeeeet. High fives. This is a story for the grandkids. Then I’m pretty sure we went our separate ways to brag about it.

Moral of the story- Always try to be in the right place at the right time. You might just end up having a threesome with two hot chicks.

Second moral of the story- Sometimes we girls are just more into each other than you.

Third moral of the story- Your best friend isn’t truly your best friend if she stops talking to you for a week because you had a threesome in her bathroom.

And last moral of the story- College is not for learning. It is for illicit sexual encounters that will provide the mental porn for the rest of your masturbating days.

(Uh… I don’t even have a follow up question to all of this….)