The most annoying people that I deal with in air travel
I have been traveling pretty often over the last month. Over this time period I think at least one leg of my trip has been delayed heavily giving me a lot of time to people watch at the airport. These layovers have helped me produce a list of five people that I find the most annoying.
5) Thieving TSA officials- While I don’t have any concrete proof of this and it could have been another traveler I am going to blame the TSA. I had a pack of gum that I put in a little bin to be x-rayed because it had foil wrapping. (Just to be on the safe side.) When the bin came with through with my bag, shoes, and keys the gum was missing. Who steals a freaking pack of gum from a bin? Bastards.
I was so enraged that I had to steal a pack from the gift shop. (What? I bought a magazine and a bottled of water to make up for it.) It is the circle of life.
4) Johnny Self Important- You know the type of person that cuts in front of the entire line because they are concerned about their flight or that they think that their problem is vastly more important than anyone else’s? I loathe these people.
There is one good thing about Johnny Self Important, when it blows up in their face that they cut in line and someone calls them out for it. Then they play dumb and say things like, “Oh I didn’t see the line there.†After saying a statement really loud to attempt to make up for the fact that they cut in line they then awkwardly make their way to the back of the line with everyone staring a hole through them. I love to stare, make eye contact, and just shake my head like they are an utter disappointment in life.
3) Anyone that works in a fast food place in the airport-
Traveler 1:Â I would like a number 2 with no pickle or onions please.
McDonald’s Worker: We don’t make special order food and it will be $8.57
In general I think that fast food workers have disdain for the customer. When I go to the Quizno’s around the corner from my house you can see they are visibly annoyed that they have to make me a sub. Like I have interrupted them from carrying out some larger function that they must accomplish while leaning on the counter. But they have to make the sub because ultimately the establishment needs my money.
At the airport though all the rules are out the window because the options are so limited. Forget the fact that they make the food right there or that they are a regular McDonald’s. You are in the airport now bitches, be happy you can get food. If the girl behind the counter wants to rub your burger under her armpit in front of you not only will you take it and eat it but you will pay double the price over what you regularly would because you have no options.
2) The business traveler- I hate these assholes so much. You know the guys that are on the cell phone or their laptop and the stewardess comes over 50 times to shut it off before we take off? However they keep plugging away like they are about to close the biggest deal ever. Until finally the female stewardess sends over the gay male one to get really sassy and stand right in front of him until he shuts it down.
It’s not that I am worried that we are going to crash because he is using his cell phone on the runway. I am more annoyed that I have to hear the stewardess bitch 50 times and that he thinks he is more important than everyone else that shut it off. The kicker is that they never shut off their cell phone; they just get off the call. When the stewardess walks away he always comments like he is getting away with something. “Yeah they think it is off, but I didn’t power it down completely!â€
Fucking A you rebel….. Douche.
1) The geometrically challenged- Did you know airports provide little boxes where you can test to see if your bag needs to be checked? Yeah well apparently in this era of self check in nobody bothers to see if their bags are too big. It happens at least once on every flight where some woman (sorry it always is one) decides to bring on the largest bag on the planet and try to stuff it into the overhead. This event always grinds boarding to a halt and leads to the following conversation.
Stewardess: You need to check that bag, we can send it down below for you.
Idiot: No it will fit. I can’t check this bag.
Stewardess: Do you see how the plastic is buckling and the door won’t close, it is probably a little large ma’am.
Idiot: (almost in tears) Really I can make it fit.
(3-5 minutes go by.)
Idiot: If my shoulder/arm/brain/ovary wasn’t so sore I could get it up there. Go ahead and check it.
It is never the fact that it is too big it is always something else that is preventing the package from fitting in the overhead bin.
Who is your least favorite type of traveler?
On 08/25/08 at 9:20 am
matty said:
You seem to have forgotten the ticket counter person. Much like your airport food reference, they know you are screwed and I’m pretty sure that they just make your life miserable so they get together behind those closed doors and circle jerk it to how badly they fucked people over that day.
On 08/25/08 at 6:34 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
I have just been doing self check in so I have successfully avoided them for all but one trip
On 08/25/08 at 9:42 am
Alexis said:
The crying babies. Those freakin’ crying babies.
On 08/25/08 at 6:35 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
Can’t we toss them out of the plane?
On 08/25/08 at 9:50 am
Gina said:
The old man that sits next you and never shuts up. Thanks grandpa, have a breath mint.
On 08/25/08 at 6:35 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
Like you have never made out with one.
On 08/25/08 at 9:52 am
Duane said:
This list applies pretty much to any situation where you are a captive to the queue. There is nothing more irritating than having asshats in front of you.
On 08/25/08 at 6:36 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
The queue sounds so British…
On 08/25/08 at 11:22 am
bishop said:
As for the tsa worker who stole your gum. I would have to say it was the Jessica Alba look a like. Some one that looks that good has to have fresh breath. I’m sure every one was thanking you Bobby. As for the list is that your top 5?
On 08/25/08 at 6:37 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
I would like to think it was my dear Jessica Alba look alike but it was at a different terminal. Damn it….
Yeah I think that would be my top five right now.
On 08/25/08 at 11:30 am
Em Em said:
The “I paid $xxx for my ticket so I deserve preferential treatment over everyone else who paid the same amount” customer. They always have to mention how much they paid for the ticket and relate it to how they better not have to put up with this or deal with that because dammit they’re a PAYING customer. Ugh. Shut up already, douche! Everyone else paid for their tickets and don’t want to deal with YOU either.
On 08/25/08 at 6:37 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
I like hearing them bitch and finding out that I saved money on my ticket. It reinforces that I am smarter than someone.
On 08/25/08 at 11:43 am
supernik said:
My favorite has to be the person in the very back of the plane that has to be the first one off, you know the one that does a mad dash instead of waiting the 2 minutes it takes for the other rows to get out in an orderly fashon, drives me nuts!!! i was flying alone with two kids one of them a toddler and one of them a few months old (no they were not cryers, they slept the whole way) and about got taken down (with my baby in my arms) by mr. gotta get out first! BAH!i must have missed something - kevin, when did you change your name? (btw i got my 5 bumper stickers, i cant wait to randomly sticker things with my 4 extras)
On 08/25/08 at 6:39 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
I love the mad dash to the front….
I changed my name a few weeks back… I have to protect my identity now.
On 08/25/08 at 10:56 pm
supernik said:
well how the hell can i stalk you now! dammit! oh well. as long as you dont go away
On 08/25/08 at 9:42 pm
Josh said:
I particularly hate this airport character because I inevitably catch up to him on the Jetson’s moving walkway.
Why are you in such a hurry, Jerko!?! so you can be first in line for the moving sidewalk attraction?!?! This isn’t a carnival ride!!!! MOVE!!!!
On 08/25/08 at 11:50 am
Destiny said:
I don’t travel much by plane so I don’t run into these problems.
I’m just jealous you have a Quiznos near you. All the ones here are closing.
On 08/25/08 at 6:40 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
Ew really? I miss good sub places in Western, NY like Wegman’s, Aunt Cookies, and Dibellas.
On 08/25/08 at 12:11 pm
Carolyn said:
The guy sitting behind you that grabs the top of your seat as he’s standing up.
On 08/25/08 at 6:40 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
Or the one that slams his tray table around?
On 08/25/08 at 2:43 pm
Tisay said:
i usually like to sleep on the plane.
so i hate the people who talk really loud during the entire flight, like they want everybody to hear the story about how lame their life is.
On 08/25/08 at 6:40 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
I need to drink more before I fly.
On 08/25/08 at 2:52 pm
Arjewtino said:
I think you hit the nail on the head with #3.
Especially the ones who work at Panda Express.
Me: “Can I have a two-piece combo with half rice/half noodles?”
Panda Express: “No, it’s against store policy.”
Me: “Why would that require a policy?”
Panda Express: “Next.”
On 08/25/08 at 6:42 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
I hate the store policy line at a restaurant… you can cook me whatever the f I want.
On 08/25/08 at 2:57 pm
Jeremy said:
The counter people who tell you “you are at the wrong gate, but if you run you’ll make it to the right one.” They never call ahead to the new gate. Bastards probably lie about the gate number then go laugh thier asses off in the back.
It’s gotten worse since at any point they yell security and you get tasered and defiled in the special room. That’ll teach you to ask where the courtesy phone is.
On 08/25/08 at 6:43 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
I think they just like making people do the awkward walk fast.
On 08/25/08 at 3:25 pm
Marjorie said:
the person who would rather watch his children and flirt with the airplane staff. Happens every flight, the kids will be kicking and crying and screaming.
On 08/25/08 at 6:47 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
Who would flirt with the airline staff at this point? I haven’t seen an air waitress that I would lay the wood to in years.
On 08/26/08 at 2:12 am
tiffany p. said:
sorry. confused. been up 24 hours.
“would rather watch his children”
isn’t that a GOOD thing??
. o O ( ? )
On 08/25/08 at 4:16 pm
Newt said:
We had to go to my friend’s wedding when our daughter was 5 months old, and she didn’t make a sound the entire time.
The most annoying thing about the trip was when we leaving OK, they announced that our plane was too heavy (!) and they needed someone to get off. They were offering vouchers and crap and we would’ve done it, but my husband’s leave ended that night and the Navy kinda frowns upon people just not showing up. We sat there for almost half an hour until someone finally left. This little delay made us miss our next flight, forcing us (with a 5-month-old) to spend three hours in the Cincinnati airport. That was my first (and probably last) time flying.
On 08/25/08 at 6:48 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
that really blows.
On 08/25/08 at 4:50 pm
E said:
I was Johnny self-important, in NYC last month. I didn’t mean to be. I was hopelessly lost, almost late for my flight, and waited in the line I was directed to be in for forty minutes, only to get to the front and learn that I had been directed into the wrong line. The right line was in a completely opposite direction. So, fully intending to go to the back of the line once I was sure, I bypassed the line and cut to the front to make sure that it was, indeed, the right line before I waited again.
Loud New York woman: Help yourself!
Me: Sorry, I was just looking for something.
LNYW: Was it the front of the line? Bitch.
Me: I’m sorry. I just need to make sure this is the right line.
LNYW: See it from the back, where you belong.
Me: (slinks away)
On 08/25/08 at 6:52 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
That blows…. albeit it is freaking hilarious… The thing is you can’t talk shit back when you are in that situation so you must just take it.
On 08/26/08 at 2:23 am
Vanessa said:
I love how every loud woman is automatically from New York.
Damn STRAIGHT, bitches!
One very loud WNY/Long Island Transplant, that would ACCURATELY describe ME.
hehe
I like flying as I don’t get to do it enough. Nobody really annoys me and if they did, I would not hesitate to let him or her know!
On 08/25/08 at 7:45 pm
elsquare said:
The guy that snores really loud…good god these people need to be struck down.. Oh and the people that pray as the airplane is taking off, it doesn’t always happen but every once in a while it does!
On 08/25/08 at 11:01 pm
supernik said:
the first time i flew i remember this one really really huge lady who had to have the seatbelt extender and took up two seats! cracked me up! i about died when i realized i had to sit next to her and keep a straight face the entire time thinking, please god if we crash dont let her be on me!
good times
On 08/26/08 at 12:29 am
Lori said:
I live in Vegas and once upon a time, lived in the Virgin Islands. Lots of travel from both locations, so the super annoying person to me is the over enthusiastic tourist. I don’t care to discuss what its like to live where I live. I just want to go home. I don’t want to hear about how you want to move to my city one day or that you couldn’t because of this or that issue (gambling, drinking, climate, weather)
The best invention ever are the noise cancelling headphones. They really work, keep me from beating tourists into a pulp and therefore, help support the local economy.