What Female Athletes Have the Most Casual Moral Attitudes?
Last night I was watching the Olympics and two things came across my mind.
1) Synchronized diving is really fucking stupid.
2) Misty May of the women’s beach volleyball team has a tramp stamp.
W. is a fan
In the past I have covered which sports are quickest to turn your daughter into a complete lesbian. Now I want to comb through my experiences and breakdown which female sport produces girls with the most casual moral attitude. (aka the most likely to get hammered and sleep with me)
For years I always had a thing for female athletes. I have “dated” dancers, cheerleaders, former gymnasts, volleyball players, and basketball players. Over this period of time I have cobbled together these keen observations.
Note: Cheerleaders are obviously absent from this list because cheerleading has never been and will never be a sport. Same with auto-racing, I am only talking about athletes here.
5) Failed gymnasts- There is a group of women out there that ended up actually getting their period and developing breasts while competing in gymnastics. This physical development ruined their chances of competing at the highest level of the sport. However when they reach college and young adulthood they want to show off their flexibility still.
4) Softball players- Just kidding, they hate men. Unless they are middle infielders, for some reason the shortstop and second baseman always get around. Plus what is the deal with their thighs? Softball players are built like mini-inside linebackers. Except Jennie Finch…
If I were twenty years younger
3) Swimmers/Divers- Girls that hang around the pool are partiers. I think this is because most of them are from or end up going to school in Southern California or Arizona. These are the girls that end up posing in Playboy or in calendars and are always fun to drink with. Right Amanda Beard?
2) Soccer players- I can’t explain this but girls that play soccer are absolutely wild. I always thought that they would tend to lean towards the way of softball and basketball players, hating men and loving each other. They are nothing like that. Could this be the European influence here on the world’s greatest game? Maybe they just loosen up because it is soccer and nobody really care about the sport in America. So they can get away with more things and fly below the radar versus basketball players or other popular women’s sports. Or perhaps they need to be hammered and crazy in order to generate any interest in them or team on most college campuses?
the spanish soccer team
1) Volleyball players- Volleyball players are always really ripped for some reason and they love to show off their bodies. I have dated three volleyball players including the infamous bed wetter. These girls were always the hardest drinking girls. I think maybe because volleyball requires the least amount of cardio work, so they can go to practice hung-over and not die.
they called Clinton a poon hound?
Now I probably should address which male atheletes have the most casual moral attitudes. The answer is all. Except for wrestlers because well wrestling is um…
How would you rank the sports? Are you watching the Olympics?
On 08/12/08 at 11:00 am
David S. said:
Gymnasts! Cory Hart, porn name Courtney Simpson. Check her out. Fifteen years of your parents paying for training and this is her career path! Awesome.
On 08/12/08 at 11:05 am
Bobby Finstock said:
Thank god for porntube
On 08/12/08 at 11:14 am
melissa said:
Well, with a name like Misty, what kind of tattoo do you expect her to have?
On 08/12/08 at 11:21 am
Bobby Finstock said:
So true
On 08/12/08 at 12:03 pm
Marcie said:
im not watching the olympics for some reason i cannot get into it
On 08/12/08 at 1:11 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
you are missing out on… uh… something
On 08/12/08 at 12:12 pm
Meghan said:
Watching the Olympics.
And Yeah…I was a volleyball player.
On 08/12/08 at 1:11 pm
Bobby Finstock said:
really now
On 08/12/08 at 1:36 pm
sarah said:
wtf is W doing in all of these pictures? why is he there? why is he anywhere, and/or alive?
in any case, “dated” just earned you a spot in my links list. youre awesome.
On 08/12/08 at 3:04 pm
Regretful Morning said:
I’d let all of those girls sit on my face, after any game, without showering.
On 08/12/08 at 4:50 pm
Robin Calais said:
I have been watching the Olympics quite a bit, and not once have I seen any of the networks cover this angle. Kudos! I agree with your picks for the most part, but I can’t believe you left out those naughty table tennis chicks.
On 08/12/08 at 6:06 pm
Joy said:
Yeah I’m a swimmer/lifeguard. I would also like to add that after constantly being in swimsuits we start to find regular clothing annoying… lol.
On 08/12/08 at 8:06 pm
Bob said:
To further your theaory about swimmers, in this case synchronized swimmers, here are two blond Brazilian twins … you’re welcome.
http://www.coedmagazine.com/sports/13338
On 08/13/08 at 2:18 pm
Carolyn said:
Sweet. Being a serious gymnast and snowboarder, I think I got a pretty good mix of things.
Gymnastics gave me sluttyness, and snowboarding gave me the ability to hang with the guys, smoke a lot of pot, and chug beer with the best of them.
In short, I am awesome.
On 08/14/08 at 9:59 am
treadmarkz said:
The girl under #5 is amazingly flexible. Is the girl behind her retarded?
On 08/15/08 at 5:29 pm
Jack Payne said:
Great piece. Some real knee-slapping humor in there. One thing, though, Kevin: Don’t be so shy. You’ve gotta stop holding back. C’mon, open up, let’s hear your opinion about this stuff.
Stumbled, Dugg, and Reddited. Should be posted next week. (Gotta wait a bit. Everything goes through my Marketing Agent.)