You don’t exist when you are not around me
I like to think of myself as a creative person. After this weekend I think I have come to the conclusion that I am anything but.
For some reason though I can’t picture in my head people existing when they aren’t around me. It isn’t that I think the world revolves around me or that I am that important, I just can’t picture it. While I know people physically go to work and carry on with their lives I just can’t visualize them doing it. Like right now I think everyone that reads my blog is reading it all at the exact same time. Forget time zone differences or the fact that you have jobs, lives, and different routines. Also forget the fact that the stats tell me otherwise. I just picture you all sitting there and reading it. Not in a hanging on every word sort of way but more in a “this is just what you are doing” type of thing. I can’t conceive that some of you might be doing it at work, on the shitter, on a cell phone, printed it out, possibly on a train, masturbating to it, or reading it to your children at night. This possibly makes me a complete idiot.
This really manifests itself when I see the status of an ex-girlfriend on MySpace or Facebook. The other day a former girlfriend changed her Facebook relationship status from whatever it was to “engaged” and I saw it on my front page when I logged in. I was floored, when did they have time to date let alone find someone and get engaged?
Now mind you we dated seven years ago.
Of course over those seven years I have probably gone out on a date with 100 (or 7) women. I have had months go by without me thinking about these ex-girlfriends. And they have probably dated, loved, cried, laughed, and participated in deviant sexual acts with numerous people over that time frame. Yet I am still shocked that at this moment they are engaged.
This picture is as pointless as this post
For a second I thought it was maybe that I am super self-involved. Maybe I feel like that they should be unable to love because I am not in their life? But that is so stupid and I know I don’t really believe that.
I decided to put this to a test and try to figure out what the people that live below me do all day.
Here is what I imagined:
They poop, shower, change clothing, and brush their teeth.
They eat three meals.
And they sleep.
I can’t imagine what they do the rest of the day. Out of 24 hours I may have just accounted for like 10. Maybe they watch documentaries about Nazi Germany on the History channel. (Which could be the only the thing History channel shows… well that and shows with the guy from Full Metal Jacket.) I have no idea.
Holy crap… I think I must have gotten a contact high from watching
“Pineapple Express” in a movie theatre full of stoners.
I am going to sit here and think about what you are all doing right now. Stop touching yourself.
I have no idea what I have just written, do you?
your a funny guy…now im wondering what all my friends are doing..
I am wondering now as well… I bet something involving satan
I only touch myself when I read your blog. You need to blog more.
I knew it.
my boyfriend always gets jealous when i mention ex-boyfriends, or my general history of being a slut. i am never fazed by his stories,though. i can’t possibly imagine him ever being with another person. in my head it just couldn’t exist. maybe i’m being romantic and/or naive,but it’s all about ME.
So Teri… where do you live and are you going to be single anytime soon?
I got a MySpace request from the guy I used to hook up with in college. He just had a baby with his perfect wife and they live on the same street as my parents. Ick.
Well now you can visit when you are home.
He made some reference to sleeping with the Nanny, the whole thing just kinda grossed me out.
I can’t WAIT to get married.
Oh wait… yes I can
No no, you were right the first time. All of us only exist for about 5 or 6 minutes per day, however long it takes to read and comment. I’ll be fading into a 24-hour black hole… righttttt nnnn…. now.
I knew it….
I just finished a sexathon. Thanks for asking. Reading your blog is like my after sex cigarette. Healthier because I’m not smoking, but somewhat more or less satisfying.
I’ll take it.
I was catching up on my blogs and I always start with yours. The comment of people masturbating to your blog set off a weird and alarming visual. Then there was the dog in the lingerie. Now I’m scarred for life with a mental picture that I can’t scrub from my brain.
This is worse than getting me hooked on ichc. Thanks!
Wait you read other blogs?
ha– hilarious. especially the part about dating either 100 or 7 women.
sigh… sadly that wasn’t a joke…
I’m lonely… ok not really.
Brooklyn represent.
Unfortunately everyone that I have dated, with the exception of one, I know what they’re doing cause they are still in my life in some way or form. The person I was with the longest, my estranged spouse(ugh), is with a money grubbin selfish bitch that dumped all her kids on him and is still “seeking” a divorce from me (not really, cause he doesnt want any opportunity to arise for him and her to marry, hence my living hell) . My first ex is successful in business and poetry but still cant find someone to share his life with, my other ex is still a musician and a cunt.
My other friends, I can’t imagine what they do when they aren’t with me though….sometimes i just think that they wait by the phone or by the door for me to bring comedy and excitement in their lives.
wow… I would just fake my death and relocate if I were you
I did the relocation part already….if only I can find an alias that suits me….
hahaha! that’s funny. i have something kind of simillar to that.
i once worked at Target, and i had this notion that if i went there on my day-off and i wasn’t wearing red nobody would recognize me. it turns out, people that worked there still did recognize me even in my regular clothes. damn.
So regular clothes don’t make you invisible?
Hmmm…now I’m trying to picture what my friends could be doing, but I got nothin’. Maybe it’s some kind of brain infection?
Oh, and do I get a giftcard for winning that Hooker or Tranny Hooker thing?
yeah I need to message you and get your information
I’m going to have to agree with someone above. I just can’t help but touch myself when I read your blogs.
Y’know it’s funny, I’ve established the belief that no one exists until they’re in contact with me for a few months already.
If someone moves away they’re like, “I’m so sad”
and I’m like, “You should be, because you’re not going to exist anymore, after I don’t see you for a while”
I just read your posts because if I don’t, I’m afraid now that I’ll cease to exist as soon as I switch back to watching internet porn!
Have you ever had the feeling that maybe people are just going through the actions like a play? Like maybe this is your individual life test to see if you can handle.. “whatever” and everyone is just spying on you… watching you… acting like they care but are only drones…
Did I smoke too much green in my early years? Possibly.