"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."

Aug
06

Drunken Mistakes: Welcome to Germany

By: Bobby Finstock on 08/6/08 @ 7:08 am

I got off the plane in Germany and saw my friend Joe waiting for me.   It was my first trip to Europe and I knew I was in for an experience. Joe had been one of my best friends growing up and was studying abroad for a year in Germany. My plan was to crash with him for a month while we travel around Germany and other countries. Joe informed me that we going back to his place first to drop my stuff off and then out to eat and drink with some of the other students in his program.

“They are really excited to meet you. They were a little disappointed that I wasn’t a heavy drinker. Plus the other American in the program is kind of an anti-social loser. So they are excited to get you out into the bars.”

Running on about four hours of sleep the last thing I wanted to do was drink but I figured that it would be good for me to stay up and get acclimated to the time change. We headed to the bar where I met a handful of people in his program including Joe’s new English girlfriend Sarah and started drinking. One drink turned into about five and we kept talking and having fun.

what it would have looked like if I had a camera

what it would have looked like if I had a camera

As early evening approached Joe informed me that we had to meet Sarah’s mother and Grandmother out to eat, it was one of their last days visiting. Sarah, Joe, Sarah’s gay British friend Stuart, and I headed out to eat and drink even more. We made it through dinner but all kept drinking like fishes. Stuart was giving me crap about how slow I was finishing a beer, I informed him that I wasn’t much of a beer drinker I was more of a Jack Daniels drinker. We turned to doing shot at that point and things quickly eroded. Lips became rather loose and Stuart started talking shit to Sarah’s mom and how he wanted to hook up with her. (Which I still don’t get being that he is gay and all. Maybe he was willing to switch teams for a middle-aged lady? Who know.)

While this line of conversation was initially funny it quickly got graphic and Joe pulled me aside and asked me to take Stuart out of there and go drinking at a new bar where they would find us later. I told Stuart that I wanted to do some shots of something that they didn’t have at this bar and we should move on.
Stuart and I stumbled into another couple of bars where we continued to do shots. At this point we were both pretty wrecked but Stuart was much more badly off than I was. While sitting at a bar he looked at me and said, “Have you been to Berlin yet?”

I reminded him that I just flew into Berlin today but didn’t see the city at all. His reply was, “Fuck it. We are going into Berlin and going clubbing the last train ones at 1 am so that means we will have to stay out until 5 when they start running again are you up for it?”

insert techno music here

insert techno music here

Let me see:
-I have been up 40 hours with maybe 4 hours of sleep
-I can’t speak German
-I don’t know how to get back to Potsdam
-I don’t know Joe’s phone number just in case I need to reach him and he doesn’t know we are going into Berlin
-I am piss drunk

It sounds like a plan to me! Dreams of hooking up with a freaky German girl flashed through my head.

We boarded the train in Potsdam and took it into Berlin. During the ride Stuart   passed out. We reached the Berlin station, which I recognized from earlier in the day, and I told Stuart that we were there. Nothing, he was out. I shook up a little and ended getting him standing where I helped guide him to a bench in the station. My dreams of hooking of with a German girl were now dashed and I had to get us back to Potsdam. Except I didn’t know how to get back and I had no way to ask for directions in German.

So there I was the ugly American walking around asking if anyone spoke English. I found a girl in her late teens that was fluent in English and she informed me the last train was about to leave and I had to get on it. I gathered Stuart and lugged him to the train, I felt like I was in a Vietnam War movie I was helping a guy with his leg shot off. I got us onto the train and off it in Potsdam, except this wasn’t the stop that I had gotten off earlier in the day. I had no idea how to get back to the college.

There was a cab outside the station, I got Stuart into it and the driver didn’t speak English. I kept repeating University and he nodded driving towards (what I thought was) the University he kept asking questions in German. I shook Stuart awake and he promptly popped up, answered the question on how to get where we needed to go. Then Stuart vomited all over the back of the cab and passed out.

I was left sitting there getting bitched at by a German cab driver, smelling vomit, drunk, and totally lost…. Welcome to Germany.

When the cab stopped I paid the cab driver. Not having a grasp on the German monetary system yet I think I paid him $50 for like a $10 cab ride, but I guess when you factor in the vomit it evened out.

What was the worst start to a vacation ever?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

10 Responses to “Drunken Mistakes: Welcome to Germany”

  1. Meghan says:

    The 1st year I was in Boston, like 1999, I took a 22 hr bus ride back to Michigan to go to the Michigan v. Michigan State Game. I was a poor AmeriCorps recruit and it was too cheap to pass up.

    The woman in front of me was a 300lb white trash single mom with two hellish grubby children who tortured me for the 1st 10 hours. I kept waiting for them to get off on one of the stops, until one little old lady asked them where they were going. “To see their Daddy in Michigan!!!”. Lucky me.

    After they finally fell asleep, we hit a stop that had a 24 hr Mc D’s and the mother ACTUALLY woke these brats back up to go in and buy her food. I was so pissed.

  2. Carolyn says:

    Hahaha shitty.
    One of my gay friends is like that too – we call it alcohol-induced heterosexuality. The amount of times we have all gotten drunk and taken “baths” (don’t ask), or he’s made out with a chick. And I swear to God he knows my boobs better than I do.

  3. Marty says:

    Well I slept through an earthquake in Chile at the end of last year. It was the change of time zone that did me, I was sleeping during the day and insomniac at night. I didn’t even know the earthquake had happened until a day later. The light to my room was no longer working and I just figured it was cause I was staying in a dive.

  4. PsYcHo BiTcH says:

    WELL, THAT’S QUITE A STORY.

    I THINK I’VE NEVER USED PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION HERE IN THE US OF A. I LIE, WELL THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME, NO, NOT AT TRAMP CAMP, THIS ONE TIME, I ACTUALLY DECIDED TO RIDE ONE OF THOSE TROLLEY CARS AFTER CATCHING A GAME AT FENWAY, AND IN RETROSPECT, IT PROBABLY WASN’T MY FAULT, BUT JUST AS I WAS ADMIRING THE BEAUTY OF A CROWDED TRANSPORTATION SYSTEM, A HOMELESS MAN THREW UP ON & THAT WAS THE END OF USING ANYTHING PUBLIC OR TRANSPORTATION THAT HAS MORE THAN 1 STRANGER.

  5. PsYcHo BiTcH says:

    OH YEAH AND FOR THE RECORD…I LIVED IN RHODE ISLAND SO IT WAS A WHILE BEFORE I WAS ABLE TO REMOVE MY CLOTHES SOAKED IN HOMELESS MAN VOMIT.

    BY THE TIME I GOT HOME, I WAS VOMITING, AND ONE PERSON VOMITING BECAME TWO, AND ONE THING IS FOR SURE, SEX & VOMIT…NOT HOT.

  6. Anne says:

    Well, that was a cheap cap ride regarding the fact that you have to pay 300 Euros in Germany for cleaning a cab after such a disaster ;-)

    Far from that I hope you enjoyed the rest of your time in my home country. Though I think I would have been a better tourist guide than your drunken friend.

  7. randi says:

    When I was taking the cab back to Tegel, my German cab driver would NOT get it when I said “No DEUTSCH!!!”
    Haha

  8. Isha says:

    The worst beginning to a vacation that I had was when I was 11 going to visit my grandfather in his country, the Nature Isle called Dominica(not to be confused with the Dominican Republic). Actually its not the worst but I don’t want to get into the story of my vacation to the lovely country of Colombia….We got on an American Airlines flight from New York to Antigua to catch a connecting LIAT flight to Canefield, Dominica. Now the American Airlines flight was fine until we reached St.Maarten, shortly after take off the plane decided to fall about 500 feet and nearly into the ocean. THEN….The pilot instead of going back to the airport decides to fly the plane to Antigua anyway and the plane drops yet again nearing the airport. Then when we finally land, we almost missed our connecting flight and we had to retrieve our baggage to put on this tiny ass little 11 seater plane. Mind you we had ALOT of baggage. Then this little putt putt putt plane putt putts about an hr and a half to the Canefield Airport and hits like a million air pockets along the way then when we go to land the plane overshoots the friggin runway and we have to attempt landing again…..3 times. Finally we land, but by then I didnt want to step foot on another plane and alas we had to…

  9. Sarah says:

    I went to the beach with my family every year for my mom’s birthday when I was a kid. Well, the summer after I turned 18, we went to the beach just like always. Every year the same group of kids was at the resort at the same time, and now that most of us were of age, we decided we were going to go to Mexico and get drunk. Great idea right? Well, we ended up going at like 10 am. Which wasn’t too bad. We weren’t far from the border, and we were in a bar by eleven. I quickly proceeded to drink about seven margaritas, and some shots of tequila. I was pretty pissed, but figured what the hell. It’s vacation, right? So a few hours pass and we go back stateside to the hotel. I go to our room ,and my dad is the only one there, which was good, because he didn’t care if I drank as long as I wasn’t driving or getting arrested. So he informs me that I need to go to the store with him to pick out a card for my mom’s birthday because he forgot to bring one. So we get to the store, pick out a card, everything is cool. I haven’t flashed any one, puked in the aisle or talked any shit to complete strangers. I’m doing ok. Then we come out of the store and I proceed to fall off a handicap ramp and skid about two feet. I ended up tearing two of the ligaments in my knee and getting an ugly ass scar to boot. That was day two of an eight day vacation. When we got home, I was on crutches for seven months. I still haven’t been back to the beach since then.

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